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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

352 replies

Rosscameasdoody · 25/08/2021 08:52

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

OP posts:
AndTheReasonIsYou · 25/08/2021 08:56

Jesus. Of course you’re not being unreasonable Flowers

Who are these people?!

ssd · 25/08/2021 08:58

Im sorry you had this happen to you, for some reason mainly older people think they can police this sometimes. I think you did the right thing Flowers

HurryOnHome · 25/08/2021 08:58

Bloody hell, who even has the time in their life to start grilling a stranger?! Sorry op and hope she felt sufficiently ashamed to shut her pie hole from now on.

Aprilx · 25/08/2021 08:59

This reply has been deleted

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Ughmaybenot · 25/08/2021 09:01

Oh you poor thing, people are so terribly ignorant!! I have a hidden disability and the judgement is just ridiculous. I have to admit, I don’t even attempt to explain myself anymore and have been known to go with a fairly simple and sharp ‘fuck off’ when questioned 😳 I’m normally polite I swear! It just makes me livid, the assumption that everyone is swindling the system and that these horrid busybodies feel the desperate need to judge whether you’re disabled enough to meet their standards!

Baconking · 25/08/2021 09:01

I can't believe anyone would vote yabu!!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 25/08/2021 09:02

I think these people honestly think they are doing a Good Thing and protecting disabled rights. Instead they end up as bullies.

If they want to be the 'parking police' they should report empty cars with no blue badge showing rather than trying to police other peoples disabilities. Its not always obvious. Young people and children can have disabilities, not just older people. And they can drive whatever car they like.

DonLewis · 25/08/2021 09:03

Yeah, my mum had a laryngectomy. She couldn't speak, had to have a massive battery powered suction machine in the car in case of a blockage in her trachea. Blue badge. She was weak, ill and dying. Yet, she looked bizarrely healthy to people who didn't know that she'd lost in excess of 10 stone, had radiotherapy that very nearly killed her, and was a depressed shadow of her former self.

A couple did exactly what you describe, frothing, angry, how dare you take a disabled space tirade. My mom, calm as anything lifted up her scarf and showed them (because she couldn't speak) the hole in her neck.

They too were shocked, mumbled something that I imagine was an apology and scarpered pdq.

My poor mom hated going out, hated being disabled, hated not being able to speak, hated life actually. These people made all of that worse. It took a long time for her to call me anywhere that wasn't hospital with me again. Sad

She died less than a year later.

Ughmaybenot · 25/08/2021 09:04

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.
And if she does it often, there’ll be countless more times she will be making disabled people feel judged and even more uncomfortable than they already do. What she did can’t be framed as a good thing, in any circumstances.
PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2021 09:05

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.
Come off it. This was not a hero standing up for the rights of disabled people to park in blue badge spaces. This was someone wanting to feel powerful. You seem to have missed the comments made about aggressive shouting and not looking properly disabled.
Babdoc · 25/08/2021 09:06

On the other hand, when able bodied cheeky fuckers use your disabled space as they can’t be arsed walking more than ten yards to the supermarket door, wouldn’t you appreciate somebody challenging them?
The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine.
Maybe think of it positively- she was looking out for you and all other disabled car users, by helping to ensure your spaces will not be pinched by CFs!

SalmonEile · 25/08/2021 09:06

@DonLewis I’m so sorry for your loss and your Mums experience Flowers

Porridgeislife · 25/08/2021 09:07

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.
No, she was being nosy and rude. “You don’t look very disabled” is pretty offensive if you are, indeed, very disabled.
LittleBearPad · 25/08/2021 09:07

@Baconking

I can't believe anyone would vote yabu!!
Agreed
PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2021 09:08

@Babdoc

On the other hand, when able bodied cheeky fuckers use your disabled space as they can’t be arsed walking more than ten yards to the supermarket door, wouldn’t you appreciate somebody challenging them? The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine. Maybe think of it positively- she was looking out for you and all other disabled car users, by helping to ensure your spaces will not be pinched by CFs!
Do you honestly think most blue badge holders want the parking police challenging everyone in a BB space to prove they’re entitled to be there?
Tinkerbellfluffyboots79 · 25/08/2021 09:09

You just wonder the brass neck of someone who can be bothered to come and ask someone why they are parking in a disabled spot. It doesn’t cross my mind, I assume that the majority of people have a badge and those who don’t perhaps have good reason but there are usually a lot of spaces so plenty left - just wouldn’t occur to me to question people, it’s none of my business or anyone else’s.

Cheeseplantboots · 25/08/2021 09:10

I would have ignored her. My adult son has blue badges and a motability car. He had no physical disability but no one has ever said anything. I wouldn’t bother to answer them if they did as it’s not their business.

purplesequins · 25/08/2021 09:10

sorry you experienced that, it's very stressful.

however I voted yabu
I think it's good that people enquire about the blue badge. too many cheeky fuckers about that abuse the disabled spaces.
she is probably fed up with those areseholes taking up much needed spaces.
but I agree that you displaying the blue badge should have been the end of any discussion.

Lweji · 25/08/2021 09:11

You're basically saying that you parked on a disabled bay and that your car didn't display a badge and you were challenged by someone who saw a car without a blue badge park in a disabled bay, thus sticking out for people who need to use that bay (you) and you're angry at that person.

Your friend or you just needed to say you had a badge.
And be happy people are willing to challenge piss takers that park on disabled bays taking your spot.

PurpleDaisies · 25/08/2021 09:11

I think it's good that people enquire about the blue badge. too many cheeky fuckers about that abuse the disabled spaces.

Do you have a blue badge?

Ughmaybenot · 25/08/2021 09:12

@Babdoc

On the other hand, when able bodied cheeky fuckers use your disabled space as they can’t be arsed walking more than ten yards to the supermarket door, wouldn’t you appreciate somebody challenging them? The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine. Maybe think of it positively- she was looking out for you and all other disabled car users, by helping to ensure your spaces will not be pinched by CFs!
The issue with this is that you’re assuming that all disabilities are visible and easily ‘proven’. In the OPs case, a wheelchair is fairly indisputable, but your theory falls spectacularly on its face when it comes to invisible disabilities. Personally I would have no way of proving my disability, short of pulling up my nhs records and I’m not going to be doing that for some nosey bastard in a car park.
AnneElliott · 25/08/2021 09:12

God she's a dick. I have this with a friend of mine. People often come over when they see me jump out of the car. I normally give them a hard stare and they wander off when they see friends legs coming out her side.

I once had a woman actually stand in a disabled space and wave her arms about like a windmill shouting is was for disabled people only and not for lazy young people. I shouted out of the window to move before I ran her over. She looked slightly embarrassed when I opened the boot and got the wheelchair out.

coeliacsucks · 25/08/2021 09:14

Ive had this a lot, my 13 yr old child has a hidden disability.

If we go out as a family we use the disabled spaces as we are legally allowed to do as a blue badge holder.

The amount of people that think it's ok to challenge us is shocking, whilst I appreciate on the surface it appears a perfectly fit and health family empty out car the reality is quite different. Quite often this behaviour from strangers will trigger my child and ruin our day.

Some people have absolutely no idea what it like living with or supporting someone with any type of disability.

The same goes for the radar key for the disabled toilets.

rooarsome · 25/08/2021 09:15

OP, YANBU. My dad has a blue badge and has experienced this increasingly over the last year.

Lweji · 25/08/2021 09:16

Pps are missing that the OP didn't have the blue badge on display when she parked.
Visible or not, you should display the badge to park.

The other lady was probably too aggressive, I'm sure, but I've seen enough twats on disabled bays (exH included).