To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

people cannot themselves drive and/or get around with assistance from an able-bodied person?

WITHOUT assistance.

@starfishmummy

DD who has an unbelievable fixation on fairness comments on every car she sees in a disabled space without a badge.

The place I was at yesterday would drive her dotty then as you don't display the badge in the car!! It's a pay and display carpark, free for blue badge users, but there is anpr so basically if you don't pay (or overstay) you would be ticketed. So BB holders have to take the badge in to show to the security guy, so he can enter the details onto the system for the free parking.

I hate car parks like that.

We were at a new hospital last week so had to leave the clock in the car and take the badge with us to register. Just seems wrong!

Thankfully Alder Hey are happy for you to show them a photo of the badge to get the validated token!

“On the other hand, when able bodied cheeky fuckers use your disabled space as they can’t be arsed walking more than ten yards to the supermarket door, wouldn’t you appreciate somebody challenging them?”

So as well as having to deal with all the challenges a disability presents, like accessibility and prejudice, disabled people should also have to steel themselves for confrontation when they park their cars?

No. Just mind your own business.

It really annoys me that everyday interactions/conversations are now people confronting/calling out other people. Why have so many people turned into knobs?

I have a BB and my pet hate is non BB holders using BB space. Crucially though, I don't like to be a knob about it If if see someone getting out of a car without BB going up I always say nicely and with a smiley face "oh I think you've forgotten to put your badge up, the wardens are always about here and I wouldn't want you to get a fine".

I would say 50% of the time people say "oh god yeah, thank you" and put it up and I say "No worries, I'm always doing it myself" Sometimes we end up having a chat and everyone feels cosy and goes about their day.

50% of the time people say "oh I don't have one but I'm only going to be a minute" (why is that always what they say?!) so I say "if you park there a disabled person can't use it; it's selfish and you should move it" Sometimes they look embarrassed and drive off. Sometimes they say "I'm not moving it I'll only be a minute" and then I'll say "well you're a selfish twat then aren't you" and leave.

I realise the latter scenario is a little risky but to be honest, I DGAF. I'm a grumpy middle aged woman and the only time I've ended up having a proper row was on the service station at the M6 toll and there were lots of people around so I felt comfortable with it.

I don't just rock up to people who may or not be disabled and start questioning them, people like that should be told to fuck off (someone did it to me once and my DD told them to fuck off, I didn't know whether to be proud or horrified )

People are so bloody rude, your medical history is no ones business and she deserved a telling off.

I was 8 months pregnant when I went for my flu jab and the man in the queue in front of me asked me why I was there because I was too young to get a flu jab, I took great pleasure in telling him it was none of his business!

May I clarify when I speak to people
I am not passive aggressive about it, as tone doesn't always come across written down! I'm just smiley and polite and most people respond in kind (no pun intended!)

My mum has to pick my disabled dad up from his many medical appointments on a regular basis and is frequently asked to justify her use of a disabled bay despite the BB. They just see an older woman get out of her car with no disabilities and don’t see her helping my dad back with his permanent oxygen cylinder attached and his walking stick. She tells them to sod off now but it used to really upset her.

I wonder would any of the challengers also challenge street harrasment, if they saw a young woman being a victim. I'll gaurentee that hardly any are politically active.

YANBU OP.

Pretty much the only time in my life I managed to think of a retort at the time rather than 6 hours later was when I was parking up with my DH who has a hidden disability. I got out of the car first and a bloke - not a traffic warden or car park attendant - who was walking along the disabled spaces row peering at badges (presumably), sneered loudly "you don't look disabled", and I said, quite calmly, "you don't look like a cunt but here we are". At that point my DH, who happens to be fairly well-built, got out of the passenger seat and the guy scarpered like the coward he obviously was.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

This won’t be a one off, imagine going through your life having to explain why you’re using a disabled space just because you’re young. No one has the right to challenge another person on whether they’re “disabled enough” to park there. If people have an issue, they should take it up with the store. My friend is paralysed from the chest down and people (always older people) think they can challenge him all the time just because he’s a young ish good looking guy who can drive because he has a specially adapted car.

@Babdoc

On the other hand, when able bodied cheeky fuckers use your disabled space as they can’t be arsed walking more than ten yards to the supermarket door, wouldn’t you appreciate somebody challenging them? The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine. Maybe think of it positively- she was looking out for you and all other disabled car users, by helping to ensure your spaces will not be pinched by CFs!

This. I didn't get militant about these things until I got to know a wheelchair-user and started accompanying her on occasional shopping trips. We'd often have to park at the far end of the car park because the disabled spaces were full of people who weren't displaying blue badges. We'd see people walking briskly back to their cars parked in disabled bays while I was unloading my friend's buggy in a tight, non-disabled space.

That was what turned me into the kind of older woman who does occasionally confront people who seem to be taking the piss. It's older people who do it because they have the social confidence to speak out. I wish younger people would speak up, but they've all been trained to 'be nice' and not to be difficult. Let's hope they get a bit more bolshy when they get older too, otherwise the next generation of disabled people will find it more and more difficult to park.

I think it was unreasonable NOT to just tell her to fuck off

That was what turned me into the kind of older woman who does occasionally confront people who seem to be taking the piss. It's older people who do it because they have the social confidence to speak out. I wish younger people would speak up, but they've all been trained to 'be nice' and not to be difficult. Let's hope they get a bit more bolshy when they get older too, otherwise the next generation of disabled people will find it more and more difficult to park.

You are not making it better. You are a huge part of the problem,

YNBU

as a disabled wheelchair user i know that often people are not Kind to disabled people.
Being attacked verbally is not rare.

i also think that the recent inclusion of people without physical disabilites has confused people.
even i dont really understand why some people need to park near a shop entrance if they are physically capable. clearly I do not mean people with severe illnesses. It also makes more of a difficulty finding a disabled parking space.

Anyone with limited mobility does need a blue badge. Being able to walk only a short distance IS good reason enough.

Just to add some disabled people might be walking briskly or even running back to their cars parked in the disabled bay because they are trying desperately not to shit themselves in front of everyone

This won’t be a one off, imagine going through your life having to explain why you’re using a disabled space just because you’re young.

blue badges exist for a reason.

In a society where people are quite happy to park in places reserved for those who need it, you do need a way to justify you are entitled to them.

No need to go into a lengthy argument, just put the badge. You know people even use their partner's or relative badge for their own use, it's quite sad how low they can get.

@Shedbuilder - yes but if the people "walking briskly" have a Blue Badge its quite frankly none of your business. Your anger would be better spent fighting for more disabled spaces if your friend finds that there regularly aren't enough.

None of us know what others are struggling with. If they have been awarded a blue badge it is not our place to judge.

Why should people with a hidden disability be subjected to questioning by strangers every time they park?

YANBU. My DH is disabled, physically, he chooses not to use disabled spaces that he is entitled to and would make it so much easier for him to get out because of people like that.

If people have an issue maybe they should be reporting it to the shop etc instead of confronting disabled people and making them feel shit- it’s horrible.

Ds is a part time wheelchair user. As I said earlier in the thread when he isn’t in his wheelchair we actually need the proximity to shops even more.

When he isn’t in his chair he walks “normally” or he bounces. But he soon ends up in pain.

He has two separate medical conditions which could cause him to “crash” at any given time. One which requires emergency injunctions and a whole host of further treatment when it happens. Being able to get him back to the car quickly in these times is vital.

He has half a lung that doesn’t work at all. The rest of his lungs are dodgy.

Don’t assume because someone looks normal. Or is walking at a normal pace that they don’t have a complex mix of things going on.

Sorry you had to put up with that. I think in the circumstances a "fuck off" would have been totally acceptable.

I am sorry about experience OP, it must have rattled you a lot.
DonLewis What happened to your mother is awful. Am sorry for your loss and that she experienced this. [flowers}

@Marove

I think it was unreasonable NOT to just tell her to fuck off

That really. All the postulating about asking her how many people she'd slept with etc is unnecessary. Why do you need all those words when "Fuck Off" encompasses everything?

[quote FrauleinSchweiger]@Shedbuilder - yes but if the people "walking briskly" have a Blue Badge its quite frankly none of your business. Your anger would be better spent fighting for more disabled spaces if your friend finds that there regularly aren't enough.

None of us know what others are struggling with. If they have been awarded a blue badge it is not our place to judge.

Why should people with a hidden disability be subjected to questioning by strangers every time they park?[/quote]
I wouldn't say anything if they have a blue badge, of course not. Why on earth would you think that? Next time you're at the supermarket have a look and see how many cars in the disabled spaces actually display blue badges. In my supermarket it's around 50% and I've never seen any supermarket staff doing anything about it.

Only the other day I asked a bloke parked up in his works van in the parents-with-children section to move because all the bays were full and there was a woman with children driving round looking for a space. He told me to fuck off, of course.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

You just wonder the brass neck of someone who can be bothered to come and ask someone why they are parking in a disabled spot.

I think most of them are a sub-set of the kind who dedicate their lives to complaining and finding fault in every little thing - partly for (unwarranted) compensation, but mainly because it makes them feel big and powerful in their sad little lives by attacking those whom they perceive to be unable or unlikely to fight back.

They aren't doing it because they care for disabled people and protecting their ability to park in suitable spaces - if that were the case, they wouldn't 'demonstrate' it by deliberately accusing and distressing those very same people. They only do it because they go through life having to constantly 'prove' that they are 'right' and 'better' than everybody else.

Aside from the many, many non-obvious disabilities that people can have - and I'm not normally an advocate of the patronising 'educate yourself', but I think it would be entirely appropriate for nasty idiots like this - does it never cross their simple, thick minds when they see the first person hopping merrily out of a car and they knuckle-drag their way over to make their proclamations, that some of the most severe disabilities will mean that people cannot themselves drive and/or get around with assistance from an able-bodied person?

I wish more people would challenge

The OP hadn't displayed the badge at that point. Then she didn't have to explain anything. A simple "I've got a blue badge" is all that's needed

OK, then. How would you like it if, every single time you arrive and park up in a pay car park, an aggressive, accusatory person dashed over to you, to shout that it's not free and that you shouldn't think you can get away without paying like everybody else has to?

Never mind the fact that you've only just turned your engine off and haven't yet had a moment to go over to the ticket machine - some random stranger has decided that you couldn't possibly be about to act properly and normally and has thus levelled abuse at you based on their supposition that you're not a decent, honest person?

Can I follow you around the supermarket, next time you're filling your trolley, and keep butting in to 'remind' you that you can't just take the goods away free - "Excuse me, but you have to pay for those items - it's theft to just walk out without paying and we don't want people like you shoplifting and pushing prices up for the honest customers" - long before you've finished all your shopping and headed towards the till?

And maybe some of them are disabled themselves and are sick of arseholes parking without blue badges

But you judge away

I won't stop DD commenting loudly. It's part of her disability. Should I shut her up?

It was the same in world war 2 my mother said - people in covid have appointed themselves as policemen in their heads.

My adult child was called up by the NHS asking about the Covid vaccine. Said child said I do not have to disclose this to you. It was a bit like when I bought my last car - the salesmen wanted to sell me all kinds of add ons and I took the wind out of his sails when he asked why I did not want XYZ and I said I do not have to answer that. as soon as you start giving these people reasons or information their sales training means they have an "in" into challenging what you say. If instead you say no comment or I do not have to answer that they back off.