To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

Do you honestly think most blue badge holders want the parking police challenging everyone in a BB space to prove they’re entitled to be there?

If they're not displaying a blue badge, I wouldn't mind at all. My daughter has a blue badge but I can rarely find a parking space at Asda because of people who think it doesn't matter if they "just pull in for 5 minutes"

[quote Ponoka7]@Bloodypunkrockers, why should disabled people, whose lives are challenged enough, have to explain themselves to whoever decides that they are in charge of parking? What if the person hasn't got the capability to reply? It can take three months to get a blue badge, I've known people who have died waiting, so sometimes it is appropriate to park in a disabled spot before you get the badge. When I became disabled I had to go through counseling to accept the change and for mental health support. The daily comments, through treatment, I'd put on weight/dropped weight/looked gaunt (so people suspected drug use), slowed down etc, all added to my MH issues and me going out less and less. In the support groups I've attended it does seem to be disabled women, or women with disabled children and younger people who are targeted. Men's behaviour is never policed the way women's is and this is another example of this. I saw many women being challenged about mask wearing or while men weren't.

Sadly the Paralympics don't help because the mindset for some is then that every disabled person just isn't trying hard enough.[/quote]
They don't

They just need to display their blue badge.

Not that anyone has ever challenged us but if they did, my response is

"Yes thanks, we know it's for blue badges. That's why we're parked here"

All the rest is shite

If you're parked in a disabled space without a blue badge, people like my DD will loudly ask why they're doing that

Good for her and long may she continue

You are not making it better. You are a huge part of the problem
Bullshit. People only abuse these spaces because nobody does anything about it.

even i dont really understand why some people need to park near a shop entrance if they are physically capable

It's just as well you aren't the one deciding who should be entitled to apply for a Blue Badge. The scheme was widened for good reason.

Your anger would be better spent fighting for more disabled spaces if your friend finds that there regularly aren't enough.

It wouldn't make a difference. All that happens then is people decide there are too many of them and that's why they should use them without a badge. I've actually found places with fewer spaces tend to see less abuse.

Yanbu op, some people are dick heads. My son has autism and we have a blue badge. I've even been berated on here for 'taking a blue badge space away from an actual disabled person' 🙄
We only use it if absolutely necessary, but we need to be near the entrance to places as he's got no awareness of traffic or things around him and he will not hold my hand. If I am ever challenged about it I will not be polite!

Bullshit. People only abuse these spaces because nobody does anything about it.

You think that arseholes who park in BB spaces without BBs will pay any attention to parking warriors challenging them? They won’t. Reporting them to the shop and getting them fined might work.

The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine

The problem with that is so many disabilities are not obvious. But they’re still disabilities. People don’t have to apologise for having a blue badge and parking appropriately. Nor should they have to discuss their disabilities with random strangers.

@Getawaywithit

The woman did apologise when she realised you were genuine

The problem with that is so many disabilities are not obvious. But they’re still disabilities. People don’t have to apologise for having a blue badge and parking appropriately. Nor should they have to discuss their disabilities with random strangers.

but in this instance, there was not blue badge on display. That's the point.

All the OP had to do was put the badge...(which they said they were going to do, but when the woman confronted them, she couldn't have guessed that it would appear later).

Unfortunately there are too many people who have I think lied about alleged conditions to avoid wearing face coverings (no one over 40 has any condition that stops them wearing one on local buses and trains, even with the obesity crisis and poor air quality). This has created a culture that those with disabilities are not believed by many, because of the able-bodied liars.

This thread shows EXACTLY who the kind of people are that are policing / harassing others in the way the OP has unfortunately experienced today. I honestly don’t understand why else you would try to defend the nasty behavior of a very entitled and rude person who was, by the sounds of it, just on a power trip. She obviously didn’t give a shit about those with disabilities otherwise she wouldn’t have said to the OP that she doesn’t look disabled enough . Nobody with a even just a tiny shred of empathy towards disabled people would even think of saying such a nasty thing.
And nobody has the right to demand from someone else that their blue badge is IMMEDIATELY visible the moment they enter the disability parking space . It should be visible after you had parked and left the car and anyone demanding to see it before you’re leaving your car there is just a bully, harassing disabled people. Disgusting.

oh come on, LaBellina it's a storm in a tea cup.

Car without blue badge parks in a disabled bay.
Woman have a go at them for parking in a place they are not entitled to and taking it away from someone who needs it.

No need to create such drama.
It's hardly a big deal to expect a blue badge to prove you are in the right parking space. Literally what they are issued for.

All the OP had to do was put the badge...(which they said they were going to do, but when the woman confronted them, she couldn't have guessed that it would appear later).

You don't display your blue badge until you've parked and paid. She didn't need to guess whether OP was going to produce a badge, it's none of her business

@Shedbuilder - apologies in that case. I have obviously misread your post. However there are some on here who feel it is appropriate to question those with Blue Badges who don't " look" disabled as though they are suddenly the arbiters of disability. None of us want to play disability top trumps. It is v frustrating when there are no blue badge spaces and I have been in that situation before and had to make the decision to drive home again if I can't manage the walk. It is also v intimidating to challenge those without badges who are parking in disabled bays as v often they really don't give a damn (or they wouldn't be parking there in the first place). Plus there appears to be very little recourse when actually caught out - anyone remember George Osborne parking in a disabled bay to pop into a shop. Whilst simultaneously being part of a government that was systematically removing benefits for people with disabilities. Did it affect his future employment? Did he get prosecuted?

I can imagine it’s a big thing for the OP @isthisareverse. I can completely understand if it ruined her day and can create anxiety if it happens more often. Nobody likes to be harassed by strangers that demand to know their medical info.

And maybe some of them are disabled themselves and are sick of arseholes parking without blue badges

But you judge away

I won't stop DD commenting loudly. It's part of her disability. Should I shut her up?

I said 'most of them', not all - and anyway, this thread isn't really about able-bodied drivers abusing BB spaces, but genuinely disabled people who are being abused for not showing their BB the instant they park up or being accused of having stolen/borrowed/acted fraudulently to get a BB. A lot of these people don't even bother looking for a BB at all - if they 'reckon' that somebody shouldn't be using a space, they will automatically offer abuse, regardless. Some people out there really do seem to think that only an elderly person can possibly be disabled enough to need a BB - you can't argue with stupid.

I see nothing at all wrong with your DD - or anybody else - commenting or challenging if somebody parks and leaves the vehicle without displaying a BB. However, the fact that people are being abused is simple proof that they're still there, maybe just that moment arrived, and haven't yet had chance to get themselves sorted for their shopping/errand, including displaying the BB, before leaving - or they have displayed the BB and some self-appointed 'disability police' idiot accuses them of using it without justification.

I think the PP's technique of politely 'reminding' people to put their BB out on the dashboard, to avoid any issues with the parking wardens - and then, if the reply is "Oh, I haven't got one but I'll only be 5 minutes", pointing out matter-of-factly that a disabled person is then unable to use that space because of their selfishness - is the ideal solution.

@LaBellina

I can imagine it’s a big thing for the OP *@isthisareverse*. I can completely understand if it ruined her day and can create anxiety if it happens more often. Nobody likes to be harassed by strangers that demand to know their medical info.

I can understand the anxiety, but no one was asking for her medical history either.

Why wouldn't you display your blue badge until you park and pay? Surely you put it there before you even leave the car, why wouldn't''t you. You are in a disabled spot anyway.

It is also v intimidating to challenge those without badges who are parking in disabled bays as v often they really don't give a damn (or they wouldn't be parking there in the first place).

Which is exactly why someone like me does sometimes step in and say something because we have disabled friends and family who need to be able to park.

OP, surely you could have just reached for your Blue Badge and waved it at the woman who was challenging you? No need for you to escalate the event.

Imagine how it might have turned out if you'd waved your blue badge as soon as she approached and then thanked her for trying to protect disabled parking spaces for disabled people. But no: ageism, misogyny, insults... It's so Mumsnet to see the worst in everything.

Why wouldn't you display your blue badge until you park and pay? Surely you put it there before you even leave the car, why wouldn't''t you. You are in a disabled spot anyway.

Try RTFT you might learn something

oh come on, LaBellina it's a storm in a tea cup.

Car without blue badge parks in a disabled bay.
Woman have a go at them for parking in a place they are not entitled to and taking it away from someone who needs it.

No need to create such drama.
It's hardly a big deal to expect a blue badge to prove you are in the right parking space. Literally what they are issued for.

I don't think you've quite grasped the issue here - nor do you apparently have any appreciation that disabled people will frequently take far longer to do/process basic things than able-bodied people will. They already have more than enough 'drama' in their lives and don't need busybodies adding more.

Would you applaud people's 'neighbourhood spirit' if, in their hundreds, passers-by saw you going in your front door, then rushed over to accuse you of being an intruder and challenged you to justify/explain that it's your own house? Or would you find it distressing, feel very uneasy when this kept happening and maybe even end up frightened to actually go through your own front door in daylight if anybody else is around? It might be a single snapshot of your life to see or hear of a BB holder being challenged once, but for them, it's the knowledge that every single time they pull up in a space specifically reserved for their needs, they might well be abused by a random nasty stranger.

‘You don’t look disabled!’
‘Really, you don’t look like a thick dickhead but here we are!’

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

We've found one of these 'hero' challengers, they walk among us.

OP, surely you could have just reached for your Blue Badge and waved it at the woman who was challenging you? No need for you to escalate the event.

Imagine how it might have turned out if you'd waved your blue badge as soon as she approached and then thanked her for trying to protect disabled parking spaces for disabled people. But no: ageism, misogyny, insults... It's so Mumsnet to see the worst in everything.

And then the accuser (male or female) snarls "Well, you don't look disabled to me. You've obviously borrowed or stolen somebody else's badge." And then, when threatened, even if you prove that it is yours, "I'm going to report you for fraud - lying to get a blue badge when you clearly aren't disabled - you should be ashamed of yourself"....

What if it escalates to that - which I've repeatedly heard from BB holders that it frequently does?

Well at times you might see meor my brother walking briskly back to a car in a disabled place because we have just dropped our 94 yo, partially sighted with limited mobility and a seriously dodgy heart, father off somewhere.

Surely everyone on here who is saying they challenge people should be doing what you all also parrot daily, mind your own business? Amazing how quickly people change.

@Sirzy, its not that bad. It is a medical centre and you have to walk past the security desk to get to all the departments and once done you don't have to return to the car with the badge or anything so can just have the appointment and leave.

Our hospital has just gone free for blue badge holders Nd with that it's a case of registering with security which can be done on a visit or by emailing and in this case registering is a o e time thing. Although I have kept a copy of the confirmation email in case.

@countrygirl99

Well at times you might see meor my brother walking briskly back to a car in a disabled place because we have just dropped our 94 yo, partially sighted with limited mobility and a seriously dodgy heart, father off somewhere.

This. Or parking up to go and fetch them... Perfectly legitimate according to the blue badge guide. Parking officials are fine about it but not the amateur jobsworths