To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

@FrauleinSchweiger that's really frustrating and am so sorry to hear this re tears etc.

I think there's actually. a nasty contingent of folk who might be BB holders, might not be, but who firmly believe that BB spaces should be for the visibly infirm elderly BB holders or wheelchair users, and that's it.

They don't accept the legality and the fundamental right of people who have gone through rigorous applications to get their badge.

It's so depressing.

@Fairyliz

It’s a difficult one as it appears that she was actually confronting your friend who from your description isn’t actually disabled? I always assumed these spots were for physically disabled people but I read a while ok it can also be for mental disability I.e. anxiety. Is this true? If it is that sounds odd as I assumed they were for people who had difficulty walking so they could park closer to shops etc

A friend of mine has mental and physical disabilities and a blue badge - originally issued for the former. On a good day, they don't "look" disabled but they most definitely are. They're often challenged when parking in a blue badge spot, despite displaying a blue badge.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

People like you are part of the problem.

The woman had no right to question the friend either.

Unless she was a traffic warden who's job it is to ask and been then it's only "can I see your blue badge please". They check the picture and date and then jog on!

[quote Gennever]@FrauleinSchweiger that's really frustrating and am so sorry to hear this re tears etc.

I think there's actually. a nasty contingent of folk who might be BB holders, might not be, but who firmly believe that BB spaces should be for the visibly infirm elderly BB holders or wheelchair users, and that's it.

They don't accept the legality and the fundamental right of people who have gone through rigorous applications to get their badge.

It's so depressing.[/quote]
Hear hear, I still get told I'm not disabled despite me waving my badge in their faces, because I'm too young and can sometimes walk short distances

Meh

I wish more people would challenge

The OP hadn't displayed the badge at that point. Then she didn't have to explain anything. A simple "I've got a blue badge" is all that's needed

DD who has an unbelievable fixation on fairness comments on every car she sees in a disabled space without a badge.

Yes the woman was a dick but tbh to her, at first you looked like two able bodied women parking in a disabled space. She made a mistake and apologised.

@Gennever - yes it is depressing but sadly another example of ableism in action.

Unfortunately I have been dealing with this crap for 30 years so should be used to it by now but when you're having a bad day and just getting out of the house is a challenge it can finish you off when some self appointed busybody makes a special trip to tell you that you don't look disabled. I always want to say "well you don't look like a dick but appearances can be deceptive "

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

Unless said person is an employed parking warden then why someone else is parked there is nothing to do with them.

Ds doesn’t look disabled. If we are doing a short trip he won’t need his wheelchair. It’s these trips when his blue badge is even more important.

We may look like an able bodied Mum and Son but he has a valid blue badge having been assessed as needing it so it’s nothing to do with all the judgy folk why we have parked.

@Bryonyshcmyony

Yes the woman was a dick but tbh to her, at first you looked like two able bodied women parking in a disabled space. She made a mistake and apologised.

Not all disabilities are visible and it was none of the woman's business, who made it her job to police the disabled bays? She should mind her own business

I especially love the way people want to proclaim that they are the saviours of the disabled by challenging those parking in BB spaces.

I doubt that they are doing anything to improve the lives of disabled people but like to think that they are doing their bit - whilst actually making people who have BBadges but don't "look disabled " feel like shit.

Why can't people just mind their own damn business! Too many busy bodies around with nothing else to think about. I've recently had to start using a blue badge and fortunately not encountered any busy body arseholes yet.

@thanksforyourcommentrandomman yes I said she was a dick

Who knows maybe she has a disabled relative who'd spent the morning telling her she couldn't find anywhere to park?

OP you do not have to engage with people. It is not rude to ignore people, nobody is "owed" engagement.

Blue badges are not just handed out to anyone.

In future, if you are confronted by nosey parkers ignore ignore ignore. You owe them no explanation at all. Behave as if they are not there.

If I had been your friend I would have told the nosey parker to stop harassing you before I called the police.

[quote Bryonyshcmyony]@thanksforyourcommentrandomman yes I said she was a dick

Who knows maybe she has a disabled relative who'd spent the morning telling her she couldn't find anywhere to park?[/quote]
That's clutching!

@FrauleinSchweiger

I especially love the way people want to proclaim that they are the saviours of the disabled by challenging those parking in BB spaces.

I doubt that they are doing anything to improve the lives of disabled people but like to think that they are doing their bit - whilst actually making people who have BBadges but don't "look disabled " feel like shit.

Most of them probably have an oversized SUV which take up too much room in the car park anyway and make it harder for the next level of people with disabilities to park - ie you're not considered disabled enough for a blue badge but still need some space but don't get it because Mrs Nosey Parker Yummy Mummy with her three dogs drives in and blocks your access to your car. Or Mr Nosey Parker Middle Aged Misery Guts Man*.

*any stereotyping is purely coincidental

Yes the woman was a dick but tbh to her, at first you looked like two able bodied women parking in a disabled space. She made a mistake and apologised

She should not have said anything in the first place. It was none of her business.

None of anyone's business at all. I think I'd just suggest the busybodies call the police, they can report it there. Their number is 999 I believe.

My dp has a blue badge for the past 12 years, he has MS but is mobile and probably doesn't look disabled to most outsiders (unfortunately they can't see the pain and discomfort he's in 24/7 ! ). He's literally never been quizzed or confronted about his blue badge, I wonder is that because he's a man?

I've had a blue badge for 5yrs but have been parking in supermarket BB spaces for longer than that (at night when it's empty). I have never been challenged with or without the badge.

It's not just older people who challenge this though. On a recent local tv show most of the BB checkers were younger people (mostly female) making a point of policing their local car parks to 'educate' people. They challenged everyone, male and female, parking in BB spaces and Child spaces.

[quote Bryonyshcmyony]@thanksforyourcommentrandomman yes I said she was a dick

Who knows maybe she has a disabled relative who'd spent the morning telling her she couldn't find anywhere to park?[/quote]
What on earth?

Does that give her the right to transfer those frustrations onto those badge holders who can legally park there?

I wouldn’t have said a word, just got my blue badge out to show her and then ignored her.

No need for medical histories, or even words, with rude people.

And what the checkers don’t get is just how hard getting out the house at all is for a lot of people with disabilities and the actions of one “helpful” individual can make it so that person struggles to go out again for ages.

You aren't being unreasonable and I'd have told her to fuck off. You really need to start doing this, as do your friends.
Covid19 has given every sad sack busybody in the world permission to judge others and it's time people started fighting back.

@Lweji

Pps are missing that the OP didn't have the blue badge on display when she parked. Visible or not, you should display the badge to park.

The other lady was probably too aggressive, I'm sure, but I've seen enough twats on disabled bays (exH included).

That is bollocks. You don't have to display the blue badge 100% of the time.

Some blue badge holders don't even have a car. My mother is one. She takes it with her in her handbag if a friend or my sister or I take her out. The driver parks in the disabled bay and gets the wheelchair out of the boot while my mother sets out and displays her badge on top of the dashboard. Her badge is also in a pretty large and reflective display case which i I wouldn't want to have constantly reflecting on the windscreen while driving, so it can't go out until parked and must then be put away again before we set off for home.

Perfectly permissible and legal use of the badge.

I agree with OP. This woman was a twat. Nobody should have to go into their medical history with complete strangers. Those strangers do not even have the right to ask, even though some seem to think they do.

Not all disabilities are visible/immediately obvious. I know a below the knee amputee. When he is wearing long trousers you can't see his problem. He has been challenged occasionally when using both his blue badge and disabled parking bays. His response is to hitch up his trouser leg to show his prosthetic leg, asking "Is this disabled enough for you?" People just go bright red, mumble something and scuttle off in embarrassment, but they shouldn't have quizzed him in the first place.

Nobody should have to live their life being quizzed by nosy do-gooding arseholes.

You could just show your blue badge and be done with it if you wanted to engage.

Or simply just ignore them.