To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

It’s a difficult one as it appears that she was actually confronting your friend who from your description isn’t actually disabled?
I always assumed these spots were for physically disabled people but I read a while ok it can also be for mental disability I.e. anxiety.
Is this true? If it is that sounds odd as I assumed they were for people who had difficulty walking so they could park closer to shops etc

@Fairyliz

It’s a difficult one as it appears that she was actually confronting your friend who from your description isn’t actually disabled? I always assumed these spots were for physically disabled people but I read a while ok it can also be for mental disability I.e. anxiety. Is this true? If it is that sounds odd as I assumed they were for people who had difficulty walking so they could park closer to shops etc

Blue badge holders for any reason can use these spaces.

@purplesequins and the OP is probably fed up having to explain herself to arseholes like this woman, who thinks others should have to answer to her and is ignorant enough to say something stupid like 'you don't look disabled'

My dp has a blue badge for the past 12 years, he has MS but is mobile and probably doesn't look disabled to most outsiders (unfortunately they can't see the pain and discomfort he's in 24/7 ! ). He's literally never been quizzed or confronted about his blue badge, I wonder is that because he's a man?
Whenever I hear about people parking illegally in a blue badge spot I always think of the signs I saw in France a few years ago which basically said 'if you take my disability then you can have my parking space '. I think we should have those signs on every bb space, perhaps it would make people think twice.

[quote user1471457751]@purplesequins and the OP is probably fed up having to explain herself to arseholes like this woman, who thinks others should have to answer to her and is ignorant enough to say something stupid like 'you don't look disabled'[/quote]
then display the blue badge.
that shouldvend ang discussion.

@Lweji

Pps are missing that the OP didn't have the blue badge on display when she parked. Visible or not, you should display the badge to park.

The other lady was probably too aggressive, I'm sure, but I've seen enough twats on disabled bays (exH included).

She hadn't finished parking until she got out of the car which is when she said she would display her badge.

@Fairyliz

It’s a difficult one as it appears that she was actually confronting your friend who from your description isn’t actually disabled? I always assumed these spots were for physically disabled people but I read a while ok it can also be for mental disability I.e. anxiety. Is this true? If it is that sounds odd as I assumed they were for people who had difficulty walking so they could park closer to shops etc

Disabled spaces are also wider, do you think using a hoist to transfer someone from the car to their wheelchair is easy in a regular parking bay? The woman had no business 'confronting' OPs friend, and yes sometimes blue badges can be issued for a range of mental health issues, but the threshold is high. Again no ones business really.

It would be really interesting to know how many of the people telling the op to be grateful for parking warriors like this actually have BB themselves….

It’s not just disabled spots. People act like this when women drive into parent and child parking too. I was threatened with a slap by a man for parking into a p&c space because his 13 yo apparently needed it more than my pushchair using almost 2 yo. I just got out and told him to slap me because I wasn’t going to move for anyone.

In my experience this type of bad behaviour only ever happens to female drivers. Funnily enough the aggressive fools never challenge men.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

What right did she have to ask though? It’s not her job to enforce parking regulations unless she was a traffic warden. I would have told her to fuck off

@Ozanj

It’s not just disabled spots. People act like this when women drive into parent and child parking too. I was threatened with a slap by a man for parking into a p&c space because his 13 yo apparently needed it more than my pushchair using almost 2 yo. I just got out and told him to slap me because I wasn’t going to move for anyone.

In my experience this type of bad behaviour only ever happens to female drivers. Funnily enough the aggressive fools never challenge men.

Had the same here, first trip out with newborn and got into the last P&C space- cue someone winding their window down as I got out of the car to get the car seat out ranting about how they couldn't see a child in there. Funny enough it was a man, and you're right I doubt many men get an earful.

@Lweji

Pps are missing that the OP didn't have the blue badge on display when she parked. Visible or not, you should display the badge to park.

The other lady was probably too aggressive, I'm sure, but I've seen enough twats on disabled bays (exH included).

At what point should OP have the badge on display - as she is turning into the parking space itself?

In most pay and display car parks with tickets etc, a car is left unattended for up to five minutes while a person goes to a machine, prints out a ticket, then displays it.

Of course someone should display the badge to park! That's common sense.

But let's be real here. This person was waiting for them to pull in and then challenged them before they had a chance to display and establish their credentials. That's just wrong.

Your are not being unreasonable! This woman was out of line.

Next time this happens just call the police or get store security. This is harassment. These sort of people who act like it’s their job to monitor disabled parking are a public nuisance. The more tickets issued for harassment then they will hopefully get the messaging and not do this anymore.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

Were you in the car park @Aprilx at the same time as the OP? How would you know if she was asked for her medical history or not? She was certainly being grilled unnecessarily by a bystander as to why she was parking in a blue badge spot.

Yesterday Paddy McGuinness was on BBC Breakfast discussing how both he and his wife are regularly approached by these bystanders asking why he is parking in blue badge spaces and he has a reason - his kids.

You can't reserve a space let alone a blue badge space for someone who might rock up to park in it in a few minutes. That's a whole other level of CFery!

Blue badge holder.

Yes I’ve been asked before if I’m disabled certainly when younger. I just show/point to my badge. I use a walking stick so it’s fairly easy for someone to see after the you don’t look disabled comments. I usually just shrug.

I question people as well if they are parking in a bb bay & they don’t have one on display. My life is difficult enough without others making it worse. So actually while her attitude may be wrong I agree with her asking. You weren’t displaying your badge at the time.

Of course you’re NBU when you’re challenged on why you’re parked in a disabled bay, some people are so ignorant.
You don’t need to engage in a discussion with such people - you certainly are not required to explain your medical condition. Ignore, put your blue badge in the window as required, and get on with your day. I find ignoring to be very powerful when someone’s trying to goad you.

I think it's good that people enquire about the blue badge. too many cheeky fuckers about that abuse the disabled spaces.

Agreed

Do you have a blue badge?

Yes, for my daughter and have often been challenged before people realise we have a disabled person in the car.

@AncientandFabulous

Blue badge holder.

Yes I’ve been asked before if I’m disabled certainly when younger. I just show/point to my badge. I use a walking stick so it’s fairly easy for someone to see after the you don’t look disabled comments. I usually just shrug.

I question people as well if they are parking in a bb bay & they don’t have one on display. My life is difficult enough without others making it worse. So actually while her attitude may be wrong I agree with her asking. You weren’t displaying your badge at the time.

She said in her OP she was going to display her badge when she'd parked up, she was still in the car so hadn't yet displayed her badge.

I don't display my badge until I've finished parking and got out of the car. You have no right to question anyone whether you have a blue badge or not

@AncientandFabulous

Blue badge holder.

Yes I’ve been asked before if I’m disabled certainly when younger. I just show/point to my badge. I use a walking stick so it’s fairly easy for someone to see after the you don’t look disabled comments. I usually just shrug.

I question people as well if they are parking in a bb bay & they don’t have one on display. My life is difficult enough without others making it worse. So actually while her attitude may be wrong I agree with her asking. You weren’t displaying your badge at the time.

So what you and other 'challengers' are saying, is that blue badge holders now need to pull into a space, immediately get their blue badge from their bag/glovebox/wherever, and display it before doing anything else.

That's not what the law says, or the parking regs of the car parks, but because the badge police like yourself are looking, then they need to.

Meanwhile if the same car park is an old school pay and display, a person using another space can park up, faff around, do whatever, wander to the machine, buy a ticket, walk back, display it...

You're essentially asking people to change their behaviours not to help parking flow or anything else, but just so that you can police things.

This OP was going to display her badge. She was going to do it in her own time, a time frame that's supported by the car park she was in, by society, and by the law.

Stop hurrying and harassing other disabled people.

I got the impression that OP had the badge in the car/her bag while actually driving it and was intending to (and did) display the badge once she had done the whole handbrake on, make car safe, display badge stuff. No point advertising that you have a blue badge while driving - it's hardly going to improve the way people drive around you!

It's good practice to only display removable things when required, especially if they are not vehicle specific (blue badge applies to person not vehicle!)

Point taken - I hadn’t seen it like that. But if you live where I do & the few bays are sacrosanct most people challenge. There are a fair few who park in bb spaces & don’t have badges so yes this gets my goat. I’ll take on board the comments though.

@randomsabreuse

I got the impression that OP had the badge in the car/her bag while actually driving it and was intending to (and did) display the badge once she had done the whole handbrake on, make car safe, display badge stuff. No point advertising that you have a blue badge while driving - it's hardly going to improve the way people drive around you!

It's good practice to only display removable things when required, especially if they are not vehicle specific (blue badge applies to person not vehicle!)

I completely agree with all of this. Unfortunately due to the responses up thread from some who want to challenge as soon as the car has pulled into the space, people are now going to have to display the badge before setting off, just to satisfy these sort of folk.

I've had this too, I've found it's much more fun to turn it on them by demanding to know their personal information e.g.

"How many people have you slept with?"
"When did you last masturbate, and what did you use to arouse yourself?"
"Has the thrush cleared up?"

YANBU and as fellow Blue Badge holder without obvious disability I have been challenged several times over the years.

@Babdoc - you do realise that you have to be assessed to get a Blue Badge? Therefore once you have one it is absolutely nobody's bloody business to police them whether you feel like you are doing it for good reasons or not. End of!!

Also you don't display the badge until you have finished parking.

I have been reduced to tears by these parking vigilantes including the "you don't look disabled " brigade. Unfortunately the wise come backs never arrive until I'm back home.

Yanbu. My 13 year-old son is a wheelchair user and autistic with mental health problems and used to have a blue badge until the dwp decided he was cured .

I have had these kind of comments about using his blue badge. He's been called a "cripple" by random strangers and we have been followed around by strangers (adults) asking questions about why he has a wheelchair despite me politely asking them to stop. Inevitably that will cause him to have a meltdown and then we get tutting and comments about "behaviour". As a previous poster said, this only happens when I am with the dc on my own. If dh is there, everyone without exception is perfectly pleasant. Cowards.