To expect not to have to detail my medical history when parking my car !!

[Rosscameasdoody]

Just need to get this off my chest really, before my head explodes. I’m a disabled driver - obvious disability once I get out of the car. Went to the supermarket yesterday as usual with a friend who helps me with getting in and out of my wheelchair, dealing with shopping etc.

Found a disabled spot and friend gets out of the car - is immediately challenged by an older lady who comes barrelling over with a really horrible attitude - the usual ‘you don’t look very disabled’, but very aggressive and loud. Friend tries to explain that she’s helping me, but Mrs Nosey is having none of it, and the next minute I find myself being grilled about my condition and asking where my blue badge is - I think this may be what sparked the confrontation as I don’t display it unless I park in a disabled spot, as per guidance. I was about to put it in the window after parking up.

For some reason this is happening more and more since Covid - people just seem to think they have a right to ask what I feel are personal and intrusive questions about medical conditions. And yesterday, instead of just showing her the badge and the wheelchair hoist, as I usually do if challenged, I snapped back. Said I have a current legal blue badge, which I had no obligation to show to anyone but traffic and law enforcement officers and that she had no right to ask about my disability - said that it was confidential, between myself and my doctor and I had no intention of discussing it with a stranger.

By this time friend had hoisted down the chair and asked Mrs Nosey to move aside so she could help me get into it. As soon as she realised I was a wheelchair user it must have dawned in her on her that she looked a bit of an idiot - she mumbled an apology and scurried off.

My question is AIBU to think that my medical history is no one’s business but my own ? And has anyone else had similar experiences ?

I have a blue badge, but it's not immediately obvious why and I've basically stopped going to places I'll need to park in a space except for first thing (I'm lucky to be able to do this) as I have been hassled so much over the last year.

I try to not engage at all when it happens. One woman was so aggressive, I did say I would phone the police if she continued to harass me, though. It was so upsetting. And, yes, I am a woman and if DH is with me it never happens ...

I think the key here is the blue badge.

If you have one you need to display it. If you don’t then you don’t automatically have the right to park in a disabled space, so you should display a blue badge.

I actually didn’t have a blue badge for a long time as being visually impaired, although it entitled me to one doesn’t mean I can’t walk any distance. However after being diagnosed with a serious heart condition things changed and I applied for a badge. The amount of times we drive into car parks and the disabled bays are full of cars with no blue badges on display is astounding.

Some people don’t necessarily go about it in the right way, but I think it does need to be challenged on some level if there is no blue badge on display.

If you have an invisible disability, as long as you have a blue badge then you shouldn’t be challenged. But if you don’t then absolutely you should.

The same goes for the radar key for the disabled toilets. I disagree here. Anyone can buy a radar key. They’re about £3 iirc and you don’t have to qualify for one, unlike the blue badge which you do.

@elliejjtiny
WTAF ? I am so sorry that you get harassed by these morons . If you can please report it to security or management whenever you can. Otherwise a steely glare and a "Oh do fuck off. Will sometimes worķ.
Best wishes. 💐

This is all too common sadly, and I have found it is usually pensioner womem who are the worst offenders.
I have been told countless times that I don't look disabled, or queried why I look so well.
I sometimes wear a badge stating that not all disabilities are visible. But the writing is not big enough.
The problem is so many people have no manners.
Our worst experience was at an A&E about 13 years ago. Early one morning dd took ill and we took her to hospital she seemed to be having a bad asthma attack or severe allergy. There were a group of pensioners and a goth in waiting room . Triage checked dd, then she took her and sent me back to wait. Well the muttering of the pensioners got louder, calling dd a druggie and a drunk and what a disgrace it was so early in morning. I told them she had a heart condition but they laughed and swore at me. 2 of the women then got nasty( I don't want to say the full story because of a certain paper)
In a nutshell they had to be rebuked and dd was seriously ill with her heart and later needed surgery.
I will never forget the incident.
People can be so cruel.
So many use disabled bays when they shouldn't. All too often they can't fit their cars in normal spaces.

@Aprilx

You weren’t asked to provide your medical history, stop being such a drama queen. 🙄 Somebody asked whether your friend should have been using the disabled spot, that is all. Another time, perhaps she would be rightfully reserving the spot for somebody that needs it.

You can't reserve a spot in a supermarket car park, that's not how it works.

The woman shouldn't have said anything as it was none of her business at all.

I've had this. I have a blue badge for a heart condition and have been questioned before that I don't look disabled.

Unfortunately they can't see my dodgy ticker from the outside. You're not being unreasonable at all. You're legally allowed to have one, legally using it. Quite frankly all those questioning you can fuck off

Covid has given a shot in the arm () to busybodies, petty rule enforcers, bullies and judgemental arseholes. We'll be living with this for a while yet.

DD who has an unbelievable fixation on fairness comments on every car she sees in a disabled space without a badge.

Our DDs would get on very well!

YADNBU my friend's teenage DD has this all the time. Why can't people understand that young people have disabilities and are still able to drive, she has an adapted car.

In the main it has been middle age women screaming at her whilst trying to get out of the drivers seat. To be honest you would think that crutches and wheelchair would be a clue but so many people are quick to anger, and this was pre-covid too.

@HarrietsChariot

I've had this too, I've found it's much more fun to turn it on them by demanding to know their personal information e.g.

"How many people have you slept with?"
"When did you last masturbate, and what did you use to arouse yourself?"
"Has the thrush cleared up?"

I'm going to commit these comebacks to memory if you don't mind and use them if anyone ever challenges me when I use a disabled bay with my blue-badge-holding and wheelchair user mother.

She has respiratory issues, osteoporosis and arthritis. All hidden medical conditions, but they mean she can't walk more than a few steps.

So what you and other 'challengers' are saying, is that blue badge holders now need to pull into a space, immediately get their blue badge from their bag/glovebox/wherever, and display it before doing anything else.

It's a good habit to get in to. If I don't do it straightaway, I'm more likely to forget.

We have experienced this too. A simple "report me if your that bothered" I know I legally have a blue badge so people can shove their opinions where the sun doesnt shine

I think it's reasonable to ask if the person is walking away from their car with no blue badge on show, but if you can see the person hasn't finished getting out of the car then it's not ok as there is still a chance they will display a blue badge before they walk away, and also if there is a blue badge on display then defo no comments should be made due to the nature of hidden disabilities.

If you are oh so desperate to "challenge" someone parking in a disabled bay, the only acceptable way (imo) would be to wait until the person had finished parking and was locking the car and then say "excuse me, I think you forgot to display your blue badge".

Obviously don't hover round their car watching, that would be weird.

Most people would have already displayed the badge so no interference necessary. The odd person might have forgotten and a reminder could prevent them getting a ticket. Very, very rarely you might get a cf who swears and walks off, they probably aren't entitled to that space but that will be very rare. And you "challenging" them will do fuck all in the grand scheme of things.

Yanbu.

We were waiting for someone to come out of a disabled spot the other day when someone else bustled up, tapped my window and called "you do know it's a blue badge spot?". I just waved the blue badge at her. I think she actually wanted the space for herself but we were there first and I wasn't going to get into an "our need is more than yours" sort of argument.

Ds has a blue badge and I was once screamed at by another person who wanted the space I had parked in. They said my son could walk and didn't need a blue badge and asked me to show them it so they can see it's real/valid. I declined. She was furious I wouldn't move for her so she could park there. I told her it's none of her business but ds has autism and adhd and was already running all over the car park covering his ears because she was screaming at me and it frightened him. She said kids with autism don't need to be "handed out" blue badges and I just had to shop at quieter times and with better control of him. It was 10am on a Tuesday morning. I laughed at her, got my son and walked off. She complained to the shop.

@starfishmummy

Yanbu. We were waiting for someone to come out of a disabled spot the other day when someone else bustled up, tapped my window and called "you do know it's a blue badge spot?". I just waved the blue badge at her. I think she actually wanted the space for herself but we were there first and I wasn't going to get into an "our need is more than yours" sort of argument.

I think I would have had some fun with that "Oh god is it? Sorry. I'm blind" (only if you're the driver)

Worlds full of people like that.
My favourite was one older chap who was waving his arms at me. I had slowed down by the disabled spaces because of traffic and was exiting the car park. I stopped, thinking he needed help.......no he was just concerned that I was going to pull into a disabled bay. I guess it gives a purpose to his day

That's terrible though people do abuse blue badges around here at least - there's a woman who uses her dads badge to block my car into my work parking (she parks on double yellows too close to the drive to get my car out) so I'm kind of annoyed with her specifically and called her out for where is the badge owner! (At the drs apparently but the drs had empty disabled parking right outside I could see from where I was standing!)

DD who has an unbelievable fixation on fairness comments on every car she sees in a disabled space without a badge.

The place I was at yesterday would drive her dotty then as you don't display the badge in the car!! It's a pay and display carpark, free for blue badge users, but there is anpr so basically if you don't pay (or overstay) you would be ticketed. So BB holders have to take the badge in to show to the security guy, so he can enter the details onto the system for the free parking.

@Bloodypunkrockers, why should disabled people, whose lives are challenged enough, have to explain themselves to whoever decides that they are in charge of parking? What if the person hasn't got the capability to reply? It can take three months to get a blue badge, I've known people who have died waiting, so sometimes it is appropriate to park in a disabled spot before you get the badge. When I became disabled I had to go through counseling to accept the change and for mental health support. The daily comments, through treatment, I'd put on weight/dropped weight/looked gaunt (so people suspected drug use), slowed down etc, all added to my MH issues and me going out less and less. In the support groups I've attended it does seem to be disabled women, or women with disabled children and younger people who are targeted. Men's behaviour is never policed the way women's is and this is another example of this. I saw many women being challenged about mask wearing or while men weren't.

Sadly the Paralympics don't help because the mindset for some is then that every disabled person just isn't trying hard enough.

Very rude and people should mind their own business! I know someone who has a hidden disability (you wouldn't know just looking at them) and constantly gets accused of stealing a disabled space.

You just wonder the brass neck of someone who can be bothered to come and ask someone why they are parking in a disabled spot.

I think most of them are a sub-set of the kind who dedicate their lives to complaining and finding fault in every little thing - partly for (unwarranted) compensation, but mainly because it makes them feel big and powerful in their sad little lives by attacking those whom they perceive to be unable or unlikely to fight back.

They aren't doing it because they care for disabled people and protecting their ability to park in suitable spaces - if that were the case, they wouldn't 'demonstrate' it by deliberately accusing and distressing those very same people. They only do it because they go through life having to constantly 'prove' that they are 'right' and 'better' than everybody else.

Aside from the many, many non-obvious disabilities that people can have - and I'm not normally an advocate of the patronising 'educate yourself', but I think it would be entirely appropriate for nasty idiots like this - does it never cross their simple, thick minds when they see the first person hopping merrily out of a car and they knuckle-drag their way over to make their proclamations, that some of the most severe disabilities will mean that people cannot themselves drive and/or get around with assistance from an able-bodied person?

I wish more people would challenge

The OP hadn't displayed the badge at that point. Then she didn't have to explain anything. A simple "I've got a blue badge" is all that's needed

OK, then. How would you like it if, every single time you arrive and park up in a pay car park, an aggressive, accusatory person dashed over to you, to shout that it's not free and that you shouldn't think you can get away without paying like everybody else has to?

Never mind the fact that you've only just turned your engine off and haven't yet had a moment to go over to the ticket machine - some random stranger has decided that you couldn't possibly be about to act properly and normally and has thus levelled abuse at you based on their supposition that you're not a decent, honest person?

Can I follow you around the supermarket, next time you're filling your trolley, and keep butting in to 'remind' you that you can't just take the goods away free - "Excuse me, but you have to pay for those items - it's theft to just walk out without paying and we don't want people like you shoplifting and pushing prices up for the honest customers" - long before you've finished all your shopping and headed towards the till?

@gogohm

That's terrible though people do abuse blue badges around here at least - there's a woman who uses her dads badge to block my car into my work parking (she parks on double yellows too close to the drive to get my car out) so I'm kind of annoyed with her specifically and called her out for where is the badge owner! (At the drs apparently but the drs had empty disabled parking right outside I could see from where I was standing!)

So I assume you have reported the misuse to the council then?