To say this to parents of only children

[LBirch02]

There are loads of only child threads here and especially parents feeling guilty about having and only child.

Well if anyone’s in this position I just wanted to say:

Children don’t need siblings and only children aren’t necessarily any different from children with brothers and sisters

I hope this helps at least one person

I'm an only child. Hated it growing up, hate it as an adult. Wish there was someone else with a shared experience, wish there was someone to share the load, wish I wasn't all alone and had the chance to be an aunt

Pros and cons to being a single child or having siblings. People just adapt to their circumstances - sometimes well, sometimes badly.
Lots or people who have a childhood with siblings often end up being like an only child if the sibling dies/moves abroad/has a falling out/just doesn't want to be part of a family. There's really no point anguishing over things which you have little control over.

Children with younger siblings are always bossy, arrogant and get away with murder because their parents are too busy looking after their younger siblings to pay much attention to them.*

Youngest children are always spoiled, whiny attention seekers.*

Only children are always pompous, tiny adults who interrupt adults and find it difficult to relate to peers when they're not the centre of attention*

*None of these sweeping statements are true.

There are 5 only children in my youngest son's class. Guess which kids dont get as many invites to parties? Because when they walk in, the host parents just know that at least one of them is going to throw a tantrum when they dont get things they way they want.

The only times I'm ever actually fed up/tired/annoyed after a play date is when it's been one of those 5.

Maybe this changes as they get older, but they is my experience of inviting over the onlies.

@Frederica852

I'm an only child. Hated it growing up, hate it as an adult. Wish there was someone else with a shared experience, wish there was someone to share the load, wish I wasn't all alone and had the chance to be an aunt

But even if you had a sibling it doesn't guarentee you'd have any of this.

Just at the other end of the scale by the way, if any posters said ‘I want 10 kids. AIBU?” I would say crack on - a family this size can potentially be great also.
So yes, it’s fine to have an only child as children don’t need siblings.
At the other end of the scale , it’s fine to have a very large family as they don’t necessarily need all that 1-1 attention. In fact kids get to the age where they actively don’t want their parents attention and (lightheartedly) wish their parents would do one !!

Seriously though I’ve met some great only children and great people from very large families.

I'm one of 6
When my mum was diagnosed with dementia, was the one time we all came to blows with each other. About what was going to happen to her and who was looking after her. It would have been 100% easier to be an only child making those decisions. Year's later there is still conflict between certain siblings regarding mum.

Dd2 is an only child, Dd1 died when I was 7months pregnant with her. There was a massive age gap between them (23 years) so it would have been like having 2 only child's.

@Fiddliestofsticks

There are 5 only children in my youngest son's class. Guess which kids dont get as many invites to parties? Because when they walk in, the host parents just know that at least one of them is going to throw a tantrum when they dont get things they way they want.

The only times I'm ever actually fed up/tired/annoyed after a play date is when it's been one of those 5.

Maybe this changes as they get older, but they is my experience of inviting over the onlies.

Well, shame on you as ADULTS to isolate only children and instead of perhaps HELPING them you judge and don't invite them to parties.

Just read back what you wrote. Slowly.

@Fiddliestofsticks

I have 2 kids. All their friends with siblings understand the word no, and they dont storm off in a huff when they're here in a group and someone says no to their movie suggestion or game idea. All the only children are a nightmare. Never heard the word, never had to share attention, and cannot stand it when their friends say no to their movie choice.

Only children do, quite often, have different traits.

The only reason I worry for my only child is because she will have to put up with the ugly, misinformed judgement of people like you.

I’m an only child, no issues here. Enjoy my own company and others. I’m very independent.

i was an only child and i was more than happy , iv also got an only child , i was 36 when i had her , i was forced to leave my marriage with her due to dv when she was still only months old ,i have stayed single , i dont want the hassle of a relationships so having another was a bit impossible really , not that i wanted one , shes happy , i think if i suddenly announced she was having a sibling soon she would go into sheer shock lol , shes 13 now anyway

the old myth about they are happier to have siblings its someone to play with is just that a myth , they find loads of stuff to occupy themselves at home with anyway .

@Fiddliestofsticks

I have 2 kids. All their friends with siblings understand the word no, and they dont storm off in a huff when they're here in a group and someone says no to their movie suggestion or game idea. All the only children are a nightmare. Never heard the word, never had to share attention, and cannot stand it when their friends say no to their movie choice.

Only children do, quite often, have different traits.

Not all only children are like that, attitudes like this are really pathetic, and no doubt feed into the pressure many feel to have another child as there's a stigma to having just one. Do you really think they're never told no? Always have their own way? Just because you apparently know some who are spoilt brats, does not make it universally true.

Personally I have found having siblings really challenging for many reasons, and life would be much easier without them.

You've seriously sat down with all the other parents and discussed the fact that you don't invite the onlies because they "always" have tantrums? Wow.

I worked full-time when ds was smaller so was excluded from the yummy mummy witches' coven. All I can say is thank goodness - I clearly missed nothing but bitching and judgment.

@DupontsLark

Settles down for tiresome game of MN Lonely Only bingo.

They'll be wandering the earth all alone when you die ... and before that, they'll be your carer with no support from siblings ... yawn

haha this is spot on!

I agree, it's totally OK to be an only and actually advantageous in some cases. a close bond between siblings is wonderful but that doesn't always happen. It's a toss up either way. And it can cause more resentment to have a sibling who doesn't pull their weight with ageing parents etc than to be an only. My Mum was one of many many siblings and they all gave different amounts to the ageing parental care - there was a lot of resentment from the one who did the most even though many of the others who could, did contribute.

As to PP who commented about only children being "nightmares", I think you know the wrong only children! My DS was an only up to age 9 (he now has a baby sibling) and has always been great at sharing as he was happy to have someone to play with. Sometimes almost too much the other way and too accepting of going along with what the other child wants. He has been totally amazing with his new sibling and never shown any jealousy at all (apart from when he's tired in the mornings and has to go to school saying he wishes he could nap all day like the baby ).

Ime, the tricky children I know have a range of family/sibling situations. You can often see how the family dynamic has contributed to the behaviour but it's not predictable based solely on siblings/no siblings. A couple for example have an older brother close in age who is a bit competitive/picks on them slightly and they test this behaviour out in their friendships. But I'd by no means claim that all boys with older brothers close in age are difficult children!

Lots of actual studies here. Some of it is really interesting.

researchaddict.com/only-child-benefits-research/

@Fiddliestofsticks have your kids ever thrown a tantrum?

Oh no, your kids are little darlings.

Now who's being ridiculous

Thanks for this post.

I want to postpone childbearing (but still want to be a mum) and having an only child is the easiest way to facilitate that. I also don't want to have a baby too late (personal choice). If i wanted multiple children, i would have to start a good 3 years earlier!

@Liverbird77

That's a bit of a sweeping generalisation. If it works for you then great. I am an only child and I fucking hate it. I am consumed with stress and worry about having to deal with my parents' chaotic house and being the only support to them in the very near future. I made sure I had a second as soon as possible after my first. What works for one may not work for all.

Maybe, just maybe, your parents weren’t lucky enough to be as fertile as you.

@Fiddliestofsticks

I have 2 kids. All their friends with siblings understand the word no, and they dont storm off in a huff when they're here in a group and someone says no to their movie suggestion or game idea. All the only children are a nightmare. Never heard the word, never had to share attention, and cannot stand it when their friends say no to their movie choice.

Only children do, quite often, have different traits.

That's due to indulgent parenting and the 'little prince/princess' nonsense. I'm an only but was never spoilt and I'm not entitled as an adult as a result.

I get that you're out to reassure parents of only children, but there's nothing wrong with being an only child or having siblings. Both have positives and negatives, but to say there is no difference isn't true. You are shaped by people around you, especially when young. I'm not the same person I would have been if I was an only child. I'd also be slightly different if I'd had another sibling. This isn't a bad or good thing necessarily, it's just reality.

@Imnewhere1991

I think *@Fiddliestofsticks* is a troll

They know they're pressing buttons, that's for sure.

It’s really upsetting to know that there are so many nasty bitches out there who will prejudge my lovely, polite, kind hearted DD simply because she doesn’t have a sibling.