When my MIL says I should be no more than a bystander?

[QueenofLindean]

My intervention, on behalf of my husband, (triggered after our kids had also been on the receiving end of a disproportionate admonishment this morning by MIL) got roundly rebuffed in this way. Making the point that I should be no more than a 'bystander' in a discussion - which had centred on trying to help restore a happy state of mind in my husband - really cut me to the quick - and probably not least as this was the only time in 17 years I have expressed a difference of opinion to my MIL. I was essentially told to butt out when trying to resolve everyone's equanimity. To get perspective, keen to get a sense of the general standing of the role /resps of a daughter in law in other family dynamics? Are you given equal pegging? Feel so churned up that my voice was dismissed by a woman who purports to be all for the sisterhood...

The snark is reflecting worse on the people doing it than the OP.

I'd bet my house that English is OP's first language, but she fancies herself as a bit of a wordsmith.

Is this how you all speak to eachother? How do you ever get anything done?

@Howshouldibehave

Your post makes absolutely no sense.

This

More context is needed.

Your husband needed an intervention? Sorry don’t understand.

Oh, I thought you meant an "intervention". The serious sit-down chat kind.

In anything to do with DS, MiL treats us equally. If DH and MiL fell out, I'd only butt in if it related to our child as opposed to a difference of opinion on something else.

I don't have kids but ANYBODY who "admonished" my fanily while I am around (and that included my late husband who could well take care of himself) could expect to be admonished back by me.

Having re-read it I think you're right, in which case I think op has every right to back her husband up.

So. Your husband is not feeling great. There was an intervention. Your MIL told you to butt out of said intervention and you feel excluded.

Is that the jist?

YANBU

You butted into an argument between your husband and his mum? Yabu. He’s an adult and doesn’t need an intermediary, especially not in a discussion with his own mother.

Not sure what has happened here OP but do you really need to intervene on behalf of DH ? He should be able to deal with his own mother.
Can you tell us more about the situation .

They’re her children too.

@LavendulaAngustifolia

Are you writing a book?

I hope not! It makes no sense. Just using as many words as possible to say absolutely nothing

When I translate things using Google translate it often produces sentences like those in the OP so maybe that’s what’s happened here.

If I’ve understood you correctly, then no, you shouldn’t have to be a bystander during a disagreement involving your DC, DH, and your MIL. MIL was being rude.

So your MiL told your DC off and you stepped in?

Like hell you should be a bystander- they're your children! You need to intervene if she isn't behaving how you would like with them. It sounds as though you were just backing your DH, but your post isn't clear.

He wants you to peg him?

Come back and tell us what happened. You might be U or you might not be!

I agree with you @AnneLovesGilbert . Very immature.

@LynetteScavo

So your MiL told your DC off and you stepped in?

Like hell you should be a bystander- they're your children! You need to intervene if she isn't behaving how you would like with them. It sounds as though you were just backing your DH, but your post isn't clear.

I think DH stepped in to tell off MIL. We don't know if he was handling it fine or not. If he was OP probably could have kept out of it.

I have no idea what actually happened here.

I’d expect my husband to value my opinion more than his mother’s. I’d expect her to treat me with politeness and respect my role as his spouse, but I don’t expect her to treat me as her own child.

Can you repost this in a dumbed down version for me as I can't understand your post at all

It sounds like firstly MIL bollocked the OP's kids and then bollocked the OP's husband. At this point OP intervened to stop MIL bollocking everyone? OP you should have just said that you aren't going to be a bystander and will speak up when you feel it's necessary.

Come back when you’ve unfucked your grammar and learned how to structure a post properly.

I’M KIDDING!

Your MIL is a bitch. Cut her loose.

I need ‘he said/she said’

I’m poised to form an opinion.