Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

[islandhoppin]

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

• this could easily become longer than a few months
• she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
• I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
• I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
• dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
• her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
• her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
• my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

This is shocking.

So she doesn't expect to follow your house rules because she's already said she would want her dog upstairs. She isn't willing to contribute financially. Oh but it's all okay because it'll be 'fun' like a 12 month long sleepover, yeah right.

She's taking advantage of your nice nature. I agree with PP and let your DP listen to the voicemail and/or answer if she calls again. Well done for sticking g to your guns.

She can leave as many voicemails as she likes. It's YOUR home and you've already said no, and you're not changing your mind. I would listen to the voicemail just so I know what I'm dealing with, but you definitely don't owe her a phone conversation

She has done from been a CF to CF of the 1st order , to a manipulative cow . I am so glad you are sticking to your guns , it takes guts to do that .
It would not matter if you had 20 spare rooms , they are YOUR rooms . you do not need to share them .
Like others I would listen to her voice mail just in case she said she is coming round but I would not call or text her back.

If she does turn up at your doorstep do NOT let her in for a chat , brew wee anything at all, if she get to sit down she will be in a better position to try to bully you into letting her stay.

Keep her at the door , and repeat , you can not stay here , try to avoid words like sorry , wont work at the moment , ( it will never work ) .
If you are like me and cry when you are frustrated / cross and you start crying make it very clear that she has made you cry and you hope she is happy with herself now , then slam the door in her face !

She sounds awful
And so manipulative!
Stick to your guns I can't believe she wasn't even going to pay!!

Oh OP, she’s treating you so poorly, you don’t deserve any of this. She asked you for a (massive) favour and you said no, that is not grounds for all this emotional abuse she’s throwing at you. She’s throwing her toys out of the park and behaving like a spoilt child.
You are not obliged to help her if it doesn’t work for you, and you are similarly not obliged to explain why. If she was a true friend she would simply have accepted your first reply, but she’s not. She’s clearly planned out the entire scenario of moving in on you and has make plans reliant on you accommodating her otherwise she’d just move on and find an alternative solution. The da t that she’s done that speaks volumes about how little she’s factored you into any of this. She’s a narcissist who will always put her own needs above yours and despite her saying that she’d do anything for you, from her responses I’d bet my last penny that she’s only do things for you when it suits her or benefits her in some way.

Op can you imagine ringing up a friend and demanding to stay in their house rent free after they said no to you asking by text 😂

Obviously you wouldn’t- nobody nice or normal would. If she rings again I’d be tempted to laugh at her tbh.

Sorry, I haven't read the whole thread, just OP's posts. I think her behaviour since your first reply has just shown you exactly what a user and a nightmare your 'friend' is. You have absolutely done the right thing and just because you have spare rooms, that you have bought and paid for, that doesn't give anyone the right to demand the use of them. You and your fiancé need to concentrate on your wedding and looking after your own little family. You have enough to cope with, and bringing in this other couple and their dog would be a complete disaster. WELL DONE YOU for sticking to your guns. If your friend continues to pester, just block her for a while. She'll get the message eventually, and you won't have to see all her increasingly desperate and manipulative messages.

If she ever moved in, this woman could prove to be more difficult to get rid of than genital warts!

Your manipulative friends should have accepted your refusal gracefully. Instead she has shown you she has absolutely no intention of respecting ever you, your partner, your dogs or your home.

Keep saying no to her.

Omg op. I have been following this all day and cannot believe what shitty texts she has been coming at you with. Each new text gets more vile and angry at you. No offence, but you have obviously been an Easy target up to now, which is not necessarily a bad thing. Just anything for an easy life.

This has just taken it to a whole new level of nasty. I'm not sure i would want her around any longer tbh.

Make a list of why this won't work.
You need your privacy and a calm home life.
Ditto dp.
You are very pressured right now settling and house training one dog, and training the other to manage his aggression- an extra dog will upset both processes.
Her partner smokes, works difficult hours and is noisy.
All the other reasons.

The only advantage to set against all that is that she wants it.

Then tell her 'sorry, for too many reasons to list, that won't work. Let's not keep talking about it, I don't want to fall out.'

Has she actually done anything for you, ever, or does she just say that she would?

@Lottapianos

She can leave as many voicemails as she likes. It's YOUR home and you've already said no, and you're not changing your mind. I would listen to the voicemail just so I know what I'm dealing with, but you definitely don't owe her a phone conversation

Well said ..infact OP I would go further and say after this charade you owe her precisly nothing.

OP do not hide from the Voice Mail.. take the bull by the horns and listen to it.. and the delete it .. or save it.. whatever you need to do..

But FRONT THIS OUT!!! do not give her the upper hand by hiding ...

your answer is NO NO NO NO..

just keep saying it..

you cannot even allow not one night under your roof now because she would NEVER leave...

You can do THIS 🎉

Make a list of why this won't work.

But don't quote this list to her - just glance at it occasionally to remind YOURSELF why you can't have her in your home. You don't need to justify yourself to her - you just need to stay strong.

Delete her phone message without listening to it.

Block further messages.

If she comes to your home, don't answer the door if you are alone.

Your friend is behaving abominably, OP. Unbelievable that she is telling you upfront that she intends not to pay a penny in rent or contribute to bills, or respect your house rules about dogs.

Friends don't do this to friends, OP. you've said no.Repeatedly. She's now trying to bully you into submission.

I'd block her.

She's a terrible friend, well done for sticking to your guns OP stay strong

No.

DP and I don't want to share our home with other people or another dog. Please stop asking.

You've told her, very reasonably, that is a No. The fact she's trying to guilt you in to it now is terrible.
You haven't done anything wrong! Stick to your guns.

Aw you poor thing. I know the anxiety of not wanting to pick up a call or listen to a voicemail. I've seen voicemails sit for weeks and me only be ok sometimes with texts if I can see part of the message.

What an arsehole to back you into a corner like that then throw your MH at you. Fucker

You're doing so well op, keep up the strength. No, every single time.

She’s bound to pull the emotional blackmail bollocks eg how can you do this to me, please let me stay! She’ll be telling you how awful it is of you. Equally you need to tell her that you can’t believe that she’s trying to upset you so badly. Awful of her.

It is a massive favour for her to ask anyone. I have no MH issues or dogs I still would not have a house guest for months unless they were close family or friend and they had no other choice but the streets. You are quite right to say no. She is trying to push you into it which is beyond rude. Well done for sticking to your boundaries.

My bet is that she has done something really bad, hence why her relative wants her out. There is no other logical reason why moving out of a house she part owns (and is that even true?) before selling even makes sense. Why on earth she thinks anything good will come out of this situation now by hounding you! Your friendship is over now so no need to hold back or be nice. I'd listen to the msg and get your partner to send an appropriate reply.

What an awful friend to be so pushy after you've said no already. I'd be backing away from this friendship very quickly.

God no tell her no she can't stay and if needs be blame DH