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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

999 replies

islandhoppin · 24/08/2021 21:31

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

  • this could easily become longer than a few months
  • she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
  • I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
  • I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
  • dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
  • her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
  • her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
  • my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
LittleMimi · 25/08/2021 19:47

What an awkward situation she’s put you in. And I hate when others tell you what’s good or best for you - urgh! Good for you in sticking up for yourself. It’s hard to do sometimes as I’m not the most assertive person either.

The only reason for moving out I can see is that the house will have less clutter - if that’s an issue. But if that was the case she can just hire a storage locker to get some things out the house or ask friends to store a box or two, rather than move out completely. It’s a sellers market just now so really there doesn’t have to be much effort on the part of the seller anyway. I can hardly make an appointment for a house viewing before it’s gone.

Queenofsupreme · 25/08/2021 19:53

She needs to turn her persistence into the family member who appears to be trying to get her to move out before the house Is even on the market! Bizarre.
Please don’t waste your worries on this person

Queenofsupreme · 25/08/2021 19:53

Onto

5foot5 · 25/08/2021 19:56

I must be going mad. I am sure i read this self-same post several weeks ago

Noshowlomo · 25/08/2021 19:58

So sorry op. You sound lovely x

Sparklfairy · 25/08/2021 20:10

I know it's been said but I just love the audacity of her twisting this.

"I'll do you a favour and move in with you, I won't pay you anything for bills because you know, I need all my money for me, but I can lend you an ear now and then because I'm soooooo generous"

Then the indignance like a dodgy car salesman that you won't take her up on her once in a lifetime offer...

RampantIvy · 25/08/2021 20:12

Grin @Sparklfairy. You have hit the nail on the head.

wingsandstrings · 25/08/2021 20:17

Say no. Blame DP or the dogs, or both, if that'll make you feel better.

TeacupDrama · 25/08/2021 20:17

would your DP take the flak and say NO to her tell her it is his house too and he is not happy with another dog

while I think it might cost something in the friendship you can't move a friend in if your DP isn't happy with it in case slike this my DH would say no
I also allow my DD this get out if she doesn't want to do something and all her friends want her to I deal with it or allow her to say my mum won't let me or my mum has made other plans for us and she won't cancel etc

Chocaholic9 · 25/08/2021 20:18

@Sparklfairy

I know it's been said but I just love the audacity of her twisting this.

"I'll do you a favour and move in with you, I won't pay you anything for bills because you know, I need all my money for me, but I can lend you an ear now and then because I'm soooooo generous"

Then the indignance like a dodgy car salesman that you won't take her up on her once in a lifetime offer...

Yep.

It's unbelievable isn't it. I can't believe the part about not contributing to bills etc. Surely she didn't think OP would agree to it? So entitled!

Honeymare · 25/08/2021 20:28

I think instead of justifying your declining her request I'd have to tackle what she is doing now.

"Have I got this right? When you asked to move in with me you intended paying me nothing and are now refusing to accept my decision? I'm really shocked that you would behave like this. I thought we were good friends."

BruceAndNosh · 25/08/2021 20:30

I think the OP who is obviously a people pleaser has done really well to stick to her guns.
She just needs to stop feeling guilty about it.

islandhoppin · 25/08/2021 20:31

Thanks everyone. She tried to phone me a moment ago but I've let it ring through to voicemail. I don't want to have to deal with it at the moment

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 25/08/2021 20:34

@BruceAndNosh

I think the OP who is obviously a people pleaser has done really well to stick to her guns. She just needs to stop feeling guilty about it.
I agree - you've done really well OP!

Stick with it, you'll be proud of yourself for following through.

Marcee · 25/08/2021 20:36

I wouldn't speak to her about this. Kept it to texts.

She obviously thinks she could persuade you better by speaking to you.

Also it would be easier to blurt out something she might take the wrong way- applying more pressure.

Keep the replies to text based.

Honeymare · 25/08/2021 20:37

I also think you've done great OP and your messages were perfect.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/08/2021 20:39

Omg she is persistent!

BruceAndNosh · 25/08/2021 20:40

Yep, don't answer the phone!

SparksAndLarks · 25/08/2021 20:40

A prediction.

She's going to start crying and having a panic attack.

There will be Oscar nominations in the best actress category as she goes all in with the emotional blackmail.

If you don't fold, she will get nasty.

Stay strong.

nimbuscloud · 25/08/2021 20:42

She's going to start crying and having a panic attack.

Yes. Crying and shaking. And then fuming when crying and shaking doesn’t work.

katieg03 · 25/08/2021 20:46

Stick to your guns. Hell no would I do this.... You can always say look we are intimately into some really kinky stuff and don't feel comfortable sharing our home. We don't want you to hear us it all night 🤣🤣🤣 don't let her manipulate you. Sounds like she isn't telling you the whole truth

Iputthetrampintrampoline · 25/08/2021 20:48

OP the strength and support you have recieved on here must be reassuring to you that you are right and she is just, well, deplorable. The reason you have had such support is I think because many if not all of the decent strong positive people replying is that I would wager all of us have been shit on from a great height by a "friend" at some time or other,but look we are all still standing and you will too, Best wishes sent stay strong lovely lady.

Ifonlyidknownthen · 25/08/2021 20:48

Absolutely a massive no from me, I hate my space being invaded beyond DC and dp and I'm looking forward to DC going back to school so that I have some time alone.

tickledtiger · 25/08/2021 20:49

I wouldn’t answer the phone yet either. It’s probably going to be more pressure. Just have something nice to eat and watch a film to relax maybe.

Don’t feel bad op. Even her family have turned her down (it looks like) because it’s a HUGE thing to ask. She is in the wrong for pushing it.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 25/08/2021 20:49

Does she live nearby OP? If somebody knocks at the door get your DP to answer it.