Friend wants to move in for 'a few months..'

[islandhoppin]

So I feel really torn, and extremely anxious.
This evening, out of the blue, my best friend has asked if she can come and move into mine and my DP's home.

I believe it's because she wants to sell up where she is currently, split the money with the other person she's bought with, snd then move out into a new property with her new partner.
She's totally put me on the spot.. I feel sick with anxiety.

My concerns are:

• this could easily become longer than a few months
• she has an extremely badly behaved dog that would be coming too
• I have two dogs, one of which is territorial and one that is very nervous, adding another to the mix could cause issues
• I am trying to house train one of my dogs at the moment
• dogs arrangements.. I don't know where hers would stay, it's used to sleeping upstairs with her whereas mine aren't allowed upstairs
• her partner. He doesn't live with her but comes and goes as he pleases, works unsociable hours and has a noisy large truck that will guarantee to wake my neighbours. We are in a very quiet residential area.
• her partner smokes inside the house, has also done it here before when they came for tea; and I caught him lighting up in my living room.
• my mental health. I suffer with anxiety, depression and OCD. My home is my safe space and my sanctuary, I don't think I could hack this, I know that sounds so incredibly selfish of me.

I'm beating myself up over this. I feel awful, selfish, like a terrible friend. I know she'd do this for me if I needed her. But I feel like I just couldn't hack this right now.

What do I do! ☹️

I wish it wasn't a situation I was in. I'd love for this to be a made up situation. Unfortunately it isn't but that's not up to me to convince people on.

Well, she’s just a peach isn’t she?

Good for you and stick to your no.
She is being really rude and pushy.
I'm reminded of a thread a while back (can't remember the details) but something to do with the OP letting a friend stay in an annex or something in the garden and the friend was treating her like shit and had well overstayed her welcome. The friend was slagging off OP to other friends and OP had overheard. It all went titsup. Can't remember what happened in the end but I seem to remember the OP having a right bother getting rid of this "friend".

Don't even let her stay because even though she's kicking off now it will be much worse if you end up with her and the dog and the partner living with you for months on end, or even for a whole year. You'd never be rid of them!

I'd just ignore her. She is batshit and rude

I've not replied, and won't be replying.

@islandhoppin

Thanks everyone - I have had a reply:

'You know without a doubt that I'd do this for you. You're literally my best friend, I'd do anything for you. I would be happy to be there when you are feeling down and anxious, I know what you're like'

And your reply should be a good friend would respect my wishes not continuing to pressurise me

@ChameleonKola

My post got zapped in record speed. Engagement is ad revenue.

@islandhoppin

I've not replied, and won't be replying.

Do you think perhaps your DP can take over the messaging..

Just to reiterate what you have already said..

it's NO from us ...

please try not to get wrapped up in a situation not of your making.., deep breath and chin up.. this is not your problem and repeat 🌸

Have you asked her why she can't stay at home until it's sold?

@islandhoppin

I've not replied, and won't be replying.

You're wise not to reply. What more is there to be said? You have set your boundaries, as is your right, and she has decided that your boundaries don't apply to her simply because her boundaries are different from yours. If she would accept you + dogs into her home, that's fine. That's her boundary to set. That doesn't mean that you must have the same boundaries as she has. You have a right to set your own.

Friendship works both ways. Friends need to accept a 'no' as easily as we accept a 'yes'.

No need to reply further, silence is the only response she requires.

I know someone like this, but shes covert in how she does it, drops massive hints but won't outright ask to stay. Another that out stays her welcome by many, many months. Ive just had with her lots of conversations over the last two months as she said she had nowhere to stay. It really caused me a lot of anxiety, but i held the boundary. We both know what ive done, but i cant be called out on it, as i was never directly asked.

You're right to leave it there. You've done absolutely nothing wrong - remember that!

Good for you OP, she's really shown her true colours. I know her responses must be very hurtful, but you're right to rise above them

@islandhoppin

Another text from her. I've not responded at all:

'I didn't realise MH and anxiety make a person unable to reply to someone that is in need..'

What really gets me about this, aside from the horrific emotional manipulation, is that she’s not IN need! She wants to move out to sell her house as empty, but there is no actual need for her to do this. She’s not homeless or suffering, she just wants to shift her inconvenience to you. You’ve done the right thing sticking to your guns.

You are certainly and absolutely right to say no.

Your friend is certainly a cheeky mare - wanting to live with you, rent free for an undisclosed amount of time, with a poor trained dog and a BF who'll be smoking indoors whatever you say.

Be warned - there'll be others along trying to plead her case.....

Don't do it. No faster way to end a friendship

She knows perfectly well that you've replied, it's just not the reply she wants, and she thinks if she can keep the discussion going she will be able to batter you into submission.

Well done OP. You're making the right ('adult') decisions in tough circumstances. Not easy, but correct decisions and responses.

OP
I’m so pleased for you that you have found the strength to say no to this parasite and she has shown you exactly who she really is….. an obnoxious, selfish user.
Stay strong, move forwards and feel happy In the knowledge that you will now have time in your life for cultivating a proper friend, rather than this piss poor example of a human being

Wow she is so pushy. Well done for standing your ground.

@BestZebbie

You can't put all the dogs through that, it would have to be a 'no' for that alone. Can she not enter a chain or stay there until it sells like everyone else does, if she quite reasonably can't afford two sets of housing at once?

Yes. Why can't she do this. Where would all her furniture go. His parents were quite happy to say no. So should you be.

Sorry OP, I just spotted your update. She's very pushy and you have solid reason for not having her stay "for a few months" house sales can take ages. and frequently fall through.

This is going to be so awkward for you next time you see her/if you want to see her that is. I mean she should feel awkward but she doesn’t sound as though she has the awareness to be. You’re right not to reply, hopefully when she begins to think on it she will realise what a mistake she has made.

How long have you known her op -this isnt someone who sounds like theyre very understanding

regardless you said no and you said it twice i dont know what else you can do

I know how you feel re anxiety its awful isnt it

'No' is the right answer in this case.

You sound lovely OP but your friend is not 'in need', she is 'in want' and would be using you in order to save money for herself.