He never has any money!!! AIBU?

[crazymicrowave123]

So I have been dating a guy for about over 2 months now, and I've started to realise that he never has any money. I have a decent salary (say around 27k a year) and it's hard for us to be able to go out anywhere with him not earning even near what I earn (which in my opinion isn't even that high), because he never has any money.

He asks that we go on cheap or free dates like the park or for a walk (he is 27 and lives with his family still), and it's quite off putting because unless I pay for everything, we can't go out anywhere. He cancelled a date a two weeks ago as he didn't get paid enough and couldn't afford to visit me so he decided to make it up to me by inviting me to a really nice club/bar in central this past weekend.

When we got there the entry was £40 for both of us, and he then claimed he left is card in his car and asked if I could pay. Fed up with paying for everything I told him I'd wait whilst he got his card, he awkwardly looked at me then went to go get it. Fed up with waiting I paid for my own entry and went in.

He spent most of the night complaining about the cost of his entry which was £20 which I also had to pay without complaining. Then once in the club I paid for 2 shots for us both which was quite expensive for me costing £18 but I decided not to be too bothered and I assumed he'd maybe buy us a drink later.

Later in the evening told him I was thirsty and he didn't even offer to pay for anything. So I went to buy more drinks myself and then he suddenly offers to pay feeling guilty I guess, but as soon as he sees the price on the machine, gives me his card and tells me to tap the contactless whilst he uses the toilet. However his card declines. And looking back I'm 100% he knew it would. I was so embarrassed that I found him, explained his card declined and watched him pretend to be shocked. I was very turned off by his behaviour so I made up a tummy bug story and went home.

He messaged me asking if everything was ok and whether I got home alright, but I haven't replied since. I don't know whether I should let him down gently or if I am B U and that I am just expecting too much?

Just to add, I have no issues with him not being able to afford the night I just didn't appreciate that he invited me to this particular club knowing the prices and then seemed to expect me to pay for everything giving me thin excuses.

YANBU he's a freeloader. It doesn't matter if someone doesn't earn much but it's the expecting you to pay all the time and being disingenuous about the way he goes about it too.

If he lives at home with family and has no money at all, what does he do? Does he have a job? Like you say, your £27k is hardly a massive wage. I would cut your losses, he sounds like he is not in a position to date.

It's not fair to plan or make suggestions if he cannot afford to pay for them. It's also worrying that he feels he can't be honest with you about it. He should be able to say I can't afford it without all these games.

I think this had clearly run it's course and the relationship needs to end.

That sounds awful.

I don’t think this is the man for you.

I would explain clearly to him as well that it wasn’t that he was skint that was the problem, it was him choosing expensive dates (why would you need to go anywhere that costs £40 just to get in? That could have paid for two dinners and a drink somewhere!), knowing he couldn’t pay so leaving you to do so.

You'd be a fool to keep dating this freeloader. Get rid.

@LadyDanburysHat

If he lives at home with family and has no money at all, what does he do? Does he have a job? Like you say, your £27k is hardly a massive wage. I would cut your losses, he sounds like he is not in a position to date.

@LadyDanburysHat He originally told me that he was head of security for a police station, but then I found out later on in the evening that he actually is a security guard and works for Just Eat as a driver part time. He said he was embarrassed to admit this to me as he thought I would judge. It is more the lie that I didn't appreciate. I kind of feel like giving up on dating, I always seem to get bad pickings!

What have I just read!?
Run fast and far away from this freeloader OP!

Get rid of him. He's already lied in the beginning. Big, bright, flashing red flags. You can do better

Oh god, leave leave leave! Don't waste any more time.

Well since he was drivin, he shouldn't have been drinking. So he would only need to buy soft drinks, which shouldn't have been that expensive. You shouldn't have been buying him shots or anything as he was driving.

That aside, its ridiculous that he invited you to an expensive club when he knew he only had around £20 on his card. That just shows that he expected you to pay for everything for a night he planned and invited you to. Even if he had just got you a couple of drinks, himself a soft drink and paid the entry, that would have been fine. But he just expected you to pay.

You need to leave him. He drink drives and he os a free loader. Why would you see him again?

He has two part time jobs but no rent or expenses to pay....he's a chancer. He's spending his money on something, and expecting you to pay for him.

Get rid, fast.

This would be a turn off for me too. I have no issues paying and think it should definitely not be a man’s responsibility all the time but it’s also not the woman’s responsibility all the time. He knew he couldn’t afford it so should have chosen something different. I’d have preferred a meal at home instead. £58 to get in and a couple of shots is insane!

It’s not the fact he’s a delivery driver who is skint, it’s the fact he’s lying and deceiving and expecting you to pay for him at every turn!

You can do so much better than this!

RUN. He has lied and he has money issues. You will end up supporting him. Been there and it just ends up a mess. He is a user. Good luck. X

He’s not in your economic class. If he wants to spend time with you doing free things to keep within his means I wouldn’t call him a freeloader. The guy’s working two jobs.

However, you want to do the things you can afford. That’s totally normal and fine, but it means you are incompatible.

If he doesn’t have the money it’s a little unkind of you to try shame him into it - a £40 entry fee is beyond his means and he’s clearly embarrassed.

Go your separate ways.

It's concerning you even need to ask what to do about this loser. He's a liar, first and foremost. That should always be an immediate deal breaker.

If he doesn’t have the money it’s a little unkind of you to try shame him into it - a £40 entry fee is beyond his means and he’s clearly embarrassed.

He chose the club and put himself in that embarrassing situation.

He sounds like a loser
Dump him

OMG! I misread and apologise! I thought YOU had picked the club. Nope, he’s an eejit to invite you to a club he can’t afford.

Ditch him. Quickly.

He lives at home? What is he doing with his money, for christs sake? That is the average wage (or even a bit above) so unless he is supporting his entire family, where the hell is it? I would be worried about what he is spending it on.

Run...just run.

Yes this would end it for me. It's not the money, my ex earnt half what I did and wasnt a problem for me, it's the fact of he clearly has some underlying issue with money. If he has 2 part time jobs which should equate to decent monthly pay and lives with family so limited outgoings where is his money actually going? That's what would put me off. And the leaving you to use a card that would decline happily isn't on x

Is he studying right now in the hope of improving his current situation or anything? If not, I think I'd just tell him it isn't working.
If he's happy to plod on with two part time jobs and living at home, I don't think things will ever improve.