Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

Is he independent at home ie cooking his own meals, doing his own washing?

Yeah it would to be honest.

Living at home to save money sounds like a very sensible thing to do.

As long as mum doesn't still do all his laundry, shopping, cooking, cleaning I wouldn't be concerned.

What's his plan and timescale? What's his relationship with his mother like? Does he pull his weight?

Tl:dr id be cautious but wouldn't necessarily rule him out.

Has he ever lived away from home? Eg. Been away to university?

Does he take responsibility for any of the washing, cleaning, shopping, or let his parents do it all for him?

Hmmm mum does all of that still, I think.

Not really so long as there is a real plan and that's not just code for 'I'm a Mummy's boy and life's easier here'.

Perfectly normal nowadays, children stay at home until their early 30s so they can buy their own home.

He did live by himself at uni but jokes about taking washing home

Does his mum do everything for him, or is it more of an adult house share?

I know two late thirties men who live at home. One helps care for his parents... doing their shopping, hospital appointments, housework etc.
The other is an overgrown teenager who hasn't been allowed to mature and can barely make a cup of tea.

It wouldn’t bother me as long as he wasn’t glued to his mum and was living his own life. If he’s hanging out with his mum all the time she will hate you for taking him away. Assess the mother’s behaviour carefully, if she’s too clingy then get rid of him.

If mummy still does it all, red flag

I wouldn’t feel great about that, though saving money is a sensible thing to do. But it really would depend on how he treated his parents - chiefly his mum - and when he is planning to move out.

@nales

Hmmm mum does all of that still, I think.

There's a good chance that he's in no hurry to leave, not until he finds a gullible mummy replacement... A nice lady to do all his cleaning and washing for him, how romantic.

I don't know. My friend ended up marrying a man who lived at home until he was 27 and didn't go to uni. But at the ages of 33 and 35, they have mortgage free 4 bedroom home because he had so much money saved as no rent or student loan and my friend only works 3 days a week and could choose not to work if they really wanted to.

He does man jobs around the house and helps set table / put stuff away after dinner. But I think that's it.

Wouldn't bother me. He's saving money to move out, and it takes time.
Also the washing thing wouldn't bother me either, she presumably does her own washing and chucks his in at the same time much like I do with my 19 year old.

No solely because he lived at home.

If he is doing it for the reason of saving for a house deposit and is achieving that, that is good. If he has a new BMW in their driveway and has saved £2k not so great.

No problem if he is otherwise independent and capable and not pandered to/a manchild living at home.

If he has developed "healthy" equal relationship with his parents and isn't a mummies boy.

The problem is it will take a while to find all these things out, but I guess that is true of many things when heading into a relationship.

I would file this with such traits as ‘doesn’t wash’ and ‘likes football’.

Depends.

I have know a few people live at home 'to save for a deposit', but aren't actually really saving anything at all. They live at home because its convenient. Everything is don't for them. They lay little to no rent and don't have a plan for moving out.

They are very different to the people, who live at home but have a plan of (at least roughly) when they will be able to move out. They have an idea of the property market, what they can afford and have a target. They are independent. Do their own washing etc and contribute to the household in a meaningful way.

Obviously, there are people in between.

But the first group are not, imo, relationship material.

I'm late 20s too and honestly yes this would especially the mum doing everything bit. I actually don't know anyone in that situation but do live in Scotland so don't quite have the crazy house prices. I would probably give them a chance if I really liked them but the first hint of any issues I wouldn't wait around.

@nales

Hmmm mum does all of that still, I think.

In that case I wouldn't bother. I had to temporarily move back home at 28 due to a relationship break down so the fact he lives with his parents wouldn't bother me. The fact his mum does everything for him does.

Men like this go from one women (mum) doing everything to another (girlfriend/wife).

DH lived at home until he was 29 while we were saving to buy our first property. I lived there with him for just over a year so that I could save too. Otherwise, I waa renting in London so couldn't save at all.

It really depends on the person. My DH is definitely not a mummy's boy, unlike his arse of a younger brother who was an alcoholic and definitely MIL's golden child.

It isn't necessarily a red flag. Just maybe something you need to observe for a bit until you understand the dynamic.

My DH was still leaving at home age 29 when we met, we moved in together shortly after. He was saving money for a future home and the mother is widoved and with a much younger DS which was 12 yo at the time.

Honestly, he was not doing much at home before moving in with me, and initially the Shift was hard but he "recovered" fast. Still not perfect but who is?

When my female cousin was a single late twenties teacher my aunt used to wait on her hand and foot.
I have vivid memories of summer holidays, I was 12, cousin 27. My cousin would lie on a sunbed all day.
I never saw her help my aunt at all.
And yet on MN men are always pilloried for living at home.
I honestly wish I'd had a mum like my aunt.
I did more housework than my dm when I was a teen.
6 weeks doing nothing, sounds bliss.