Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

[nales]

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

Fairyliz

So true. Too many people in their 20s have it too nice at their parents houses for free. It also creates some really unrealistic expectations of life.

The living with Mum/housework stuff aside what qualities does he have that you do like @nales? Surely that's important too?

It's not a flat share, it's a small family house.

This makes it sound like a permanent arrangement. My daughters are at home from university and they cook their own meals, just like they would while at university. That way they get to eat what they want, when they want. There's no reason why they should have to give up their independence just because they are temporarily staying with me.

Mums love doing stuff for their dc,whatever their ages

Bloody hell. And there I was thinking we were living in the 21st century?

@ancientgran

My DC is only a toddler but I've already got him putting the washing out on the drying rack, putting rubbish in the bin, tidying his toys away before bed, wiping up his own spills on the floor when he has a drink. The goal is to raise a self sufficient adult with basic life skills! There's no rush though, there's years for him to learn to be self sufficient, if you want him doing it as a toddler that's your decision but plenty of people bring up their children to be self sufficient without needing them to do it as toddlers.

Yes, mine never did anything like that as toddlers, they would have made even more mess probably and DH or I would have had to sort it anyway.

no it wouldnt , whats the point of him living in rented making a landord more wealthy when he can stay at home and save for a mortgage . its only the thing the english have that our kids all need to be moved out be pref 18 years old or it means they are useless mummys boys and girls that cant function properly .
the only exception to this is adult children that are tied to their mothers and its an unhealthy relationship . i know someone like this . late 40s , watches tv every night with his mum , rarely leaves the house , never worked . we met for a couple of coffees once , when i met his mum she looked at me with a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp , i knew straight away that anyone he met would be seen as a threat to her taking him away so to speak , bless her she didnt have any worries lol . i didnt ever meet him again .
but these are the rare exceptions to it though
its common for adults to still live at home these days . as its nowhere near as easy to buy a house as it used to be . and renting is so expensive as well and if you rent then you cant save ,so theres only one option

@Anothermountain

Mums love doing stuff for their dc,whatever their ages

Bloody hell. And there I was thinking we were living in the 21st century?

My Mum does my ironing. She likes ironing, and likes helping me out. Is that so wrong? She asks me to drop it round to her.

Absolutely normal where I live (Central London). Kids leave for University, then return as independent adults, to start their careers. The joke is that parents want to cash in on their property and retire somewhere cheaper and the DC are begging them to stay, at least until they get on their feet. The compromise is often to sell up at a point when DC are ready to take on mortgages but, despite saving, need help with a deposit.

It makes no sense to pay out lots of money on a dodgy rental when there is a "free" room at home. (There is a whole other debate on what contribution should be made, but if the money either goes to parents or into savings it is better than giving it to a landlord.)

And morally, with a housing shortage, we should be making full use of the housing stock we have.

Is he actually saving money for a deposit though?

I've known ppl to just say that as a cover

Just because mum does his washing and cooking doesn't mean he can't. I know if I lived with my mum we would eat meals as a family and my mum would cook them because she always has- it's her domain. It would be more strange for a family member to cook their own meals to be honest. Same with washing- it would be "son, I'm washing the darks do you have any to go in?"

Only on MN do family members all live as if they are just co-sharing and children cook and wash for just themselves as soon as they reach about 12.

@DelphiniumBlue - I can easily see why him living as almost another child makes your life easier than having to work round him. However, as a partner, having never lived as an independent adult, not in the habit of having to look after a house (even as a shared responsibility), not having to factor in domestic tasks, shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes around holding down a job - means he'll have to learn and adjust when he moves out.

In my experience, all the woman who do everything round the house and who's dp/dh does very little, are living with men who went straight from their parents home to living with a woman.

I would only live with a man who had lived by himself/in a house share that was kept in a decent condition.

Mums love doing stuff for their dc,whatever their ages.
Is this a joke?
In our house you can usually here the cry of ' Oi, knobhead!! come and sort the kitchen out, scruff bag!!!' ( coming from me to youngest son)
or 'Sort your laundry, you stinker'

Just to give another perspective. Myself and my partner lived at home to save money for our house until we were 27/28 (both lived away for uni/travelled as well). However both of us did get our washing done/meals cooked ect (families saw no point in separate washes/meals).

We are both now functioning adults with good jobs and a well cared for home. It was just financially sensible at the time and we both probably could’ve done more in the house but equally we are both capable now very adults.

@FreekStar2

Just because mum does his washing and cooking doesn't mean he can't. I know if I lived with my mum we would eat meals as a family and my mum would cook them because she always has- it's her domain. It would be more strange for a family member to cook their own meals to be honest. Same with washing- it would be "son, I'm washing the darks do you have any to go in?"

Only on MN do family members all live as if they are just co-sharing and children cook and wash for just themselves as soon as they reach about 12.

I agree, if everyone in this house did their own washing it would be half loads the whole time and the washing machine would be permanently going. Same as cooking, all of us cooking different meals all evening?

I think some don't think of the practical sometimes.

Why is everyone focused on the mother? Why is it the mother/son set-up (as a poster puts it) that is problematic? What about living with the father?

It would not put me off by itself. It is also cultural and in many other places living at home until you get full independence is totally normal. In the UK, it is normal to leave home at 18 even with tones of debts or with your parents paying for it. That set-up would freak many other people too, because they are not used to it.

In brief, I would have zero problem with this alone.

Depends on his plan/ timescale for saving a deposit. Should be almost done now 7 years later surely ? Eg 20k salary, save half for deposit : 50k plus saved for deposit ?

@FreekStar2

Just because mum does his washing and cooking doesn't mean he can't. I know if I lived with my mum we would eat meals as a family and my mum would cook them because she always has- it's her domain. It would be more strange for a family member to cook their own meals to be honest. Same with washing- it would be "son, I'm washing the darks do you have any to go in?"

Only on MN do family members all live as if they are just co-sharing and children cook and wash for just themselves as soon as they reach about 12.

That's very much how life was in my house. I can't imagine mum and I cooking different meals in the same kitchen.

@nales

He did live by himself at uni but jokes about taking washing home

I used to take washing home when I was at university and I am a woman. My mother did it. What's wrong with doing that? I've not lived at home since leaving uni in 1988 and have never once expected anyone else to do my laundry.

My children (all girls) always brought washing home from uni too whenever they were visiting. I expected it and was happy to do it for them.vThey do their own for the many weeks when they don't visit.

What's the issue with that? Maybe his Mum is like me and hates other people faffing about in her kitchen.

*My DC is only a toddler but I've already got him putting the washing out on the drying rack, putting rubbish in the bin, tidying his toys away before bed, wiping up his own spills on the floor when he has a drink. The goal is to raise a self sufficient adult with basic life skills!

Yeah, I did that, as did my friends. We all felt smug about how well we were doing at raising an indepenedent child. Then the pre teens and teen years kicked in.

It depends if he's seriously saving for a house and how long he's going to be there for. Also if he isn't independent, that would turn me off.

Would rather someone living at home saving money for a house deposit no matter what age rather than someone moving out because they want independence and will quite happily waste their house deposit money paying off someone else's mortgage because some potential partner thinks its uncool to live at home to save up money for a house.

My 28 still lives at home 🤣 however with his girlfriend. Saying that he’s very good in the fact that he cooks etc

I don't live in London. I live in a small city with about 100k people in the city and suburbs. I moved back here when my DS was little. I was extremely privileged because I sold my house in London right ahead of the housing crash. Waited a few years, moved home and bought a huge detached house and land to run a business from, for cash at 35. But I don't judge people for still being in debt in their 30s.

My point was that 15 years ago 27 year olds could buy big houses in one of the most expensive cities on earth. Today, even in tiny cities and towns, it's really hard to rent anything that's not a complete shithole for half your take home pay. People of my generation don't get to judge those in their 20s based on the standards of the economy we grew up with.

So if a girl lived at home at that age should we all condemn her too??

@jimmyjammy001

Would rather someone living at home saving money for a house deposit no matter what age rather than someone moving out because they want independence and will quite happily waste their house deposit money paying off someone else's mortgage because some potential partner thinks its uncool to live at home to save up money for a house.

Lmao! What's wrong with people moving out at a young age if they want independence?

Nuts 😂