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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would a 28 year old living at home put you off?

280 replies

nales · 24/08/2021 08:22

Met this great guy. Has a good job etc, but still lives at home to save money for a house.

Would that put you off? What should I look out for ?

OP posts:
ddl1 · 24/08/2021 08:36

Wouldn't bother me as such, but I'd watch out for extreme emotional dependence on mother, or extreme possessiveness by mother.

Cheeseplantboots · 24/08/2021 08:36

No, definitely not. My brother is 36 and still at home. He’s absolutely lovely and not weird or odd. He could easily move out but the house is huge and my parents are rarely there.

lastqueenofscotland · 24/08/2021 08:37

Honestly it really is an absolute ick for me

User112 · 24/08/2021 08:38

Sunnygold‘s advice will save you a lot of headache, tears, time and heartache. I wish someone told me this 2 decades ago.

wasthataburp · 24/08/2021 08:40

Yeah that would put me clean off

Onelifeonly · 24/08/2021 08:41

My DH was 28 and lived at home when I met him. They had a family business though that operated from his parents' home so it made sense. TBH he wasn't great in terms of being able to do chores etc but I have nagged, sorry, trained him over the years. He was independent in other ways though.

Lots more people live at home these days in their 20s and he sounds sensible if he's saving up.

fuckitbucket16 · 24/08/2021 08:41

I’m not from the UK and from what I understand housing is expensive there so my answer is based on where I live.

And that’s a hell no. I’ve never met anyone who’s lived at home past 19/20. We all move into cheap dodgy share houses ASAP and have the time of our lives. Grin

Jerseygirl12 · 24/08/2021 08:43

It would me, I think 26 would be my cut off point.

Onelifeonly · 24/08/2021 08:44

My DH was always close with his mother in the sense they worked on the business together but not emotionally dependent at all. It wasn't a problem. She was a lovely woman and very welcoming to me. Sadly dead now.

Peanutsandchilli · 24/08/2021 08:45

Wouldn't bother me that he lives with his parents, as that's financially sensible. Wouldn't bother me that his mum does his washing as it's easier, and cheaper, to throw it all in at once. I'd only be concerned if he spent all his time playing video games and not helping out around the house at all.

theresroomonmybroom · 24/08/2021 08:46

No wouldn't put me off. My partner was 27 when I met him and still living at home, despite me being 23 with my own home. He worked away Monday-Friday so there was no point him paying for a house here and spending money on digs during the week.

We have a perfect relationship and our own home together now.

MattHancocksSexTape · 24/08/2021 08:47

@nales

He does man jobs around the house and helps set table / put stuff away after dinner. But I think that's it.
What jobs around the house require a penis?
Zealois · 24/08/2021 08:47

When I was on the dating scene in my late 20s, I dated a few guys who still lived at home and it really didn't work for me. I had lived out of home since I was 18.

I hated that it meant we always ended up going back to my place. It's a lot of pressure to always be the host. I also just found they weren't as mature, just from my personal experience. The biggest ick I ever got was from a guy's mum ringing him in the morning asking him where he was.

I decided to just stop going out with anyone who lived at home, which did cut out a lot of men in my city. But when I met my now partner who had lived out of home since uni, it did make a big difference that he was doing his own thing and independent.

MargosKaftan · 24/08/2021 08:48

Depending really if after moving back in he took an adult role and did his own washing, fair share of the cleaning and cooking etc or if he slipped back in to being a child role and then happily stayed in that for 7 or so years.

Crofu · 24/08/2021 08:50

@nales

He does man jobs around the house and helps set table / put stuff away after dinner. But I think that's it.
What are man jobs?

But the living at home wouldn't put me off, the lazy childlike behaviour, taking washing home at uni and not contributing properly would be an instant no for me

NatMoz · 24/08/2021 08:51

My brother lives at home at 29. Doesn't lift a finger, has a house he is mortgage free on and has decided he doesn't want to leave until he has another £20k in the bank as a safety net.

I wouldn't consider him very dependent. My dad fills his car with petrol and he only drives short distances (2-3 miles). My dad drives him to the train station and picks him up for work.

I think it depends on your circumstances. My brother has lots of money for his age but I would not consider him a life long partner for someone. I wouldn't want him.

Zenithbear · 24/08/2021 08:51

Yes it would. I think it's too old to be living like that. Unless he has a firm plan to move out within the next few months.
I wouldn't be impressed by the mortgage free in early 30s stuff either. No need. Sounds like a huge helping of bank of mum and dad.
Renting /house share /bedsit land /long mortgage makes you prioritise, budget and grow up.
A lot of parents don't want them to grow up and leave these days. Ours all left young and some of them are still in the process of growing up. I worry how stunted they will be at 28+ and mummy still fussing over them.

SoundBar · 24/08/2021 08:52

Jokes about taking washing home to mum - yeah nah.

Think about it. Why would he do any housework once he moves in with you?

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/08/2021 08:54

No, wouldn’t bother me at all as it’s sensible to try and save a house deposit rather than waste on renting if there is another option available.

There’s many things I’d not date a partner for but living at home isn’t one that would ever bother me.

Crowtooyo · 24/08/2021 08:54

Does he live at home full time? Or does he travel at all with work?
Tbh I've met someone in a similar situation and I was wondering if I should be put off but I personally have uni friends who now still live at home and I know that they are normal, sane people!
How long have you known him?

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2021 08:54

Why does his Mum doing his washing (presumably she does her own) equate to him not doing any housework at all, ever? That's just assumptions.

Flossie44 · 24/08/2021 08:54

It would definitely put me off now!! Although when I met dh, his mum still came round and did all his cleaning for him, changed his bed, washing and ironing. She had one day off work a week and she used it to do all of that!! When he got home on a Tuesday evening after work, all his clothes had been miraculously washed and ironed and out away!!

Wished I’d seen the red flag!! He still doesn’t realise what goes in to doing simple tasks and definitely doesn’t see that as something he should be doing.

WimpoleHat · 24/08/2021 08:56

If he is doing it for the reason of saving for a house deposit and is achieving that, that is good. If he has a new BMW in their driveway and has saved £2k not so great.

This is the answer you need….

AllAroundTheWorldYeah · 24/08/2021 08:57

Huge red flag. There is no way I would live with a guy who has never lived independently - never had to do his own laundry, never had to clean the house, never had to pay his own bills. Hell no!

ThreeWitches · 24/08/2021 08:58

Yep - would put me off!

Even more so that he doesn't help his DM cook, do laundry or clean.

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