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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

203 replies

missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 20:36

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

OP posts:
Peacrock · 22/08/2021 20:38

If she left the house Tuesday, did she know he had gone to be tested?

Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 20:42

@Peacrock I'm not sure at all if I am honest. She told me his results were positive on Thursday so she definitely knew on Wednesday that he was getting tested. This was the day she chose to come out with me. However I am not sure whether on Tuesday when she left for her mums, whether she knew he was going to/was getting tested.

Apparently he got tested because others on the stag tested positive.

Thinking about it though, if he did get tested Wednesday, results on Thursday, he must have had to book this on Tuesday... so that would lead me to believe she knew from get go?

I really don't know. I am majorly confused how a supposed best friend of mine could be so irresponsible and inconsiderate if she had any incline this was to happen.

She said she left their marital home on Tuesday morning to go to her mums, because he had cheated. I'm now starting to believe it's because she was scared he had covid. Or maybe I am over thinking it.

OP posts:
vanityfairsbackpage · 22/08/2021 20:48

why aren’t you vaccinated?

Peacrock · 22/08/2021 20:48

I would also feel worried and upset in your position OP, so please don't feel I'm minimising that, just that from the outside I'd think about what's she is normally like- if she is normally thoughtful, caring and considerate then it's unlikely she knowingly put you at risk. If she's not a very good friend and you suspect she is capable of knowing and not saying, then that's another matter. You can book tests for the same day and get results quickly so it's not out of the question that she didn't know, personally I would assume she just wouldn't say she had tested positive if she was really careless about you and covid.

Toottooot · 22/08/2021 20:51

Thinking about it though, if he did get tested Wednesday, results on Thursday, he must have had to book this on Tuesday... so that would lead me to believe she knew from get go?

Not necessarily - anytime I’ve booked a test I’ve got appointment within the hour. There’s a constant availability.

amy85 · 22/08/2021 20:53

Think you are slightly over reacting...he could have booked a same day test...he could have found out Wednesday while she was out with you that other people he had been away with had tested positive so he booked the test while she was with you

herculesoffline · 22/08/2021 20:54

I wouldn't presume she knew on Wednesday, he might just have text her on Thursday.

LtJudyHopps · 22/08/2021 20:56

You really are overthinking it. It’s possible to get on the day test appointments now. It’s even possible to get results on the same day too according to threads on here. If he had a test as a contact, she very well may not have known he was going to get tested.

I understand your worry and anxiety but you are being really unfair to your friend here.

Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 20:56

@Toottooot @amy85

Thank you for your responses. However in our area covid tests are rarely available the same day. I couldn't get one the same day. So that's why I'm under the impression that she knew on the Wednesday. Plus on Wednesday at lunch she kept saying I hope he doesn't have covid just randomly out of the blue and I was brushing it off because I had no idea what was going on until Saturday!

OP posts:
bookit · 22/08/2021 20:57

If catching Covid at this stage in your pregnancy would be so serious for you, why go out for lunch with a friend? The person on the table next to you in the cafe could have had Covid. And letting yours and her kids play together, touching everything as toddlers do??

If Covid really would be that serious for you right now I'd be taking more precautions just for the next few weeks or .... waaaay out suggestion here .... get the sodding vaccine! Hmm

EccentricaGalumbits · 22/08/2021 20:57

Perhaps she assumed that with your history and your fear of getting covid, you'd have been vaccinated by now?

Porcupineintherough · 22/08/2021 20:58

I am sorry you are worried but if you have chosen not to be vaccinated and are choosing to socialize indoors then you are pretty much choosing to put yourself at risk of catching COVID. It seems unfair to look for a scapegoat at this point.

JaffaRaf · 22/08/2021 21:00

A teacher at my child’s school got symptoms in the morning, booked a test and got the positive result all in the same day, so you don’t no for sure. And if her and her DH had an argument maybe he hadn’t been up front with her? Pointless judging a friend so much when you don’t have the facts, and maybe she’s scared having covid while unvaccinated and that’s causing her current brain fog.

I totally understand the anxiety though, it’s understandable to be stressed and worried, and hopefully that’s what’s making you feel run down (rather than covid), just take it easy and drink lots of fluids and try not to stress too much about things you can’t control right now OP.

Glugglejug · 22/08/2021 21:01

Just get vaccinated if you are so worried. Would put an end to all this drama.

Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 21:02

His test was a PCR test and at our test centre same day PCR tests are hard to come by, and the results usually take 24 hours. I'd understand if it was lateral flow, but his wasn't.

Also, to answer someone's question below who asked if she is normally a considerate friend, the answer is, not really. Our friendship only benefits her. God knows why I actually stay in the friendship.

However I can't see her doing that to me if she knew, she can be selfish and ungrateful and put herself before others, a lot of the time. But when it comes to kids and pregnancies I can't see her knowingly putting me or other women and children at risk? But she was distraught about her husband cheating so I believe that would supersede her thought for others as from 32 years of friendship, I've come to learn she does what suits her. When it suits her and it doesn't matter the consequences.

I feel awful saying this. I feel like a bad friend. But the line has to be drawn somewhere. Never ever do I get a thank you for all the things I do for her and her daughter and I don't do those things for anything in return but sometimes a bit of appreciation wouldn't go a miss.

OP posts:
StripyHorse · 22/08/2021 21:03

He could have booked the test on Wednesday and gone that day (when I have booked PCR tests have got appts for the same day).

If she did know, then yes, she should have given you the courtesy of cancelling, or telling you the situation and letting you cancel.

Friend may not have known if she and her DH weren't speaking.

Her DH may not have needed to isolate while waiting for PCR test... if he was going for being a contact (and is double vax'd) or if work had asked him etc.

PurpleFlower1983 · 22/08/2021 21:03

@vanityfairsbackpage

why aren’t you vaccinated?
She’s pregnant and has probably chosen not to which is her right. Despite the vaccine being declared ‘safe’ for pregnant women many health care workers are not recommending the vaccine still.

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all OP, it sounds like she wanted her nice day our and didn’t care about the consequences!

CourgetteGlutTony · 22/08/2021 21:06

Why aren’t you vaccinated?

underneaththeash · 22/08/2021 21:06

If he’s just tested positive now, your friend is unlikely to have been infectious.
But in your shoes I would
1 have your vaccine
2 not get in a car/go out with/have in your house - someone unvaccinated. It’s not worth the risk.

Helenmumoftw0 · 22/08/2021 21:06

I wonder how many people on this post telling the pregnant op to get vaccinated are scientists that work with the vaccine? Would love to know Grin

DuckDuckGooses · 22/08/2021 21:06

She may not have known he'd booked a PCR etc etc

However if you're as worried about covid as it's coming across on this post, why did you go and eat indoors at a restaurant with a friend anyway? This is risky in itself if you're concerned about covid!

It sounds more like you just don't really like your friend (your other posts about her not being a good friend etc) and are using this as an excuse to be annoyed with her.

girlmom21 · 22/08/2021 21:10

I'm 39 weeks pregnant and unvaccinated through choice because I don't know how I'll react to the vaccine. I don't think challenging OP on why she isn't vaccinated yet is fair or relevant.

However, OP, if you're not vaccinated, your friend isn't vaccinated, and you knew her H had been away on a stag weekend/sleeps around/etc, and you're high risk and worried about Covid, why did you not just postpone your plans?

If you're clinically vulnerable you take precautions to limit the risk of exposure, surely?

vanityfairsbackpage · 22/08/2021 21:11

let me rephrase: why are you unvaccinated and blaming your friend for putting you at risk of Covid yet happy to go out for lunch in a restaurant with a presumably high turnover of people?

TheCatInTheChat · 22/08/2021 21:13

As you aren’t vaccinated you’ll have to isolate for 10 days. But YABU to be that cross with your friend.

MordredsOrrery · 22/08/2021 21:14

If she moved out due to his cheating on her then I'm not at all convinced she'd have known about his test until he got the result. And the comments could just have been related to his cheating and catching it from that person? Your friend had a lot going on, I'd be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt on this one.

Given you're going through a high risk pregnancy and have opted out of the vaccine I'd suggest you avoid social situations as far as possible until your baby arrives.