Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

[missturnbullx]

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

Yes would be annoyed she hadn't told you and of she did know he was having test/ had symptoms she should of been isolating as not vaccinated

YABU you didn’t just meet up, you spent tim win a car with her. Did you wear a mask the whole time?
Unvaccinated people are more likely to spread it (info from Australian government).
It is better to assume everyone you come into contact with has the virus, that way you will protect yourself better until you can be vaccinated.

You are at a bigger risk of being around unvaccinated people, they are more likely to spread the disease than an infected vaccinated person.

Don’t get me wrong I think it’s an individual right to choose a vaccine, but if someone is risking the virus when they could be vaccinated, as a high risk person I wouldn’t spend physical time with them.
You have a lot at stake and ‘sorry’ after the event isn’t worth it.

Or at least take the precaution of an LFT, have you taken one yet?

Don’t forget, it’s not a definite that he caught it at the stag. She could have given it to him a few days before.

Maybe speak to your midwife about what you should do as I think you need to isolate now.

The RCOG are extremely concerned about the number of unvaccinated pregnant women.

@vanityfairsbackpage

I think point out a spelling mistake is totally unnecessary. It doesn't make someone's point any less valid.

In this thread I asked if I was being unreasonable and asked for advice from people in my position. You have chosen to come on to this forum and pick out these 'key words'. Understandably and respectfully to you, I acknowledge this is a public forum and this is your opinion, and you are well within your rights to express your opinion, however as the OP who is 'high risk' and 'pregnant' I have done nothing I shouldn't have. I have followed advice from the medical professionals involved in my care. I genuinely believe if my
Friend knew, and had told me the truth, rather than 'forgetting', I would have been absolutely fine. I mean, yes Susan at Tesco could cough on my shoulder but the chances are slim. I do not overly socialise - I wish I had the time to 😂

I think I would have said if I was meeting a pregnant friend and thought my husband could have covid but at the same time he didn't think he had it, he had just been in contact with someone, and it sounds like it's unclear whether she even knew this as they had their own issues at the time.

Most importantly if you are so worried about your health (and I can understand why you would be as I just had a baby as was very cautious, still am) then why are you putting yourself at risk by getting in the car with them etc? Each time you see someone you are at risk because you never know who they have been in contact with.

Also friends should be considerate my friend is having chemo so when we meet o do a lvt test before ( i know not always accurate) and I wouldn't meet her under current rules if I was a contact pf anyone even if I am allowed out now etc as i do all I can to help keep her safe
Not risk free of course but minimise as best we can

@Dragon50

I have started isolating from Saturday. I have done LFTS since Saturday and they have been negative. Currently awaiting PCR results and will
Make contact with midwife tomorrow.

Thank you for the information on the vaccines.

@BunnytheFriendlyDragon

I was in the car with her as she doesn't drive and She doesn't really go anywhere or see anyone often and I didn't know about the stag do of 25 men! So didn't see too much of a risk. She doesn't work and isn't around colleagues. I really believed with her the risk was minimal, although still a risk, a minimal one.

Op hope you remain negative and I think you have got a hard time on here
If your friend hadn't of known about he dh pcr pr just happened to test positive a couple days later as can happen then yes that would be unfortunate and you wouldn't be able to be annoyed
Under the circumstances where it looked like she did know so should of been isolating yes your right to be annoyed
As previously said when i see my friend who is cev I try to be extra careful

I’m very glad you are negative and hopefully your PCR will come in soon (I did one this week, less than 24 hour result).

I mean this kindly, but going forward you can ask folk questions before meeting up, a simple ‘I’m sorry to ask this but being high risk, have you or household been around many people?’

If they are offended so be it, but you need to keep yourself safe and cannot trust others (esp when they have a easter partner) to do so on your behalf.

@worriedatthemoment I've heard the lateral flow tests aren't that accurate and can take a week to show a positive result. She got her positive on a LFT 5 days after exposure (from him) and he got his PCR test result on Thursday and that was following the weekend exposure. So 3-4 days for the PCR?

Her mum, double vaccinated however, has been testing negative on LFTS since Friday. She was with her mum Tuesday - Thursday/Friday? When I asked about the risks to her mum she said there wasn't much contact between her and her mum when she was there though and she said her mum didn't cuddle her daughter - which is highly unusual...

why haven't you had the vaccine?

What the hell has that got to do with you?!

How dare anybody try to shame the OP.

It wasn't that long ago that pregnant women were advised against having it. Advice changes so quickly is it any wonder people have their reservations (not saying that's the case with you OP)

Vaccinated or not, everybody has the right to expect transparency from friends and family if they have reason to believe they've been exposed ffs.

In your position..34 wks pregnant and unvaccinated...I would not be socialising with people. I would do my own thing, stay away from people and isolate as much as poss until baby is born.

@Helenmumoftw0

I wonder how many people on this post telling the pregnant op to get vaccinated are scientists that work with the vaccine? Would love to know

Not sure what the grin is about, but I assume you’d be equally interested in how many people urging caution for the vaccine are scientists with experience in this area?

Although it’s quite easy to guess that one, isn’t it.

The risk of ICU admission for pregnant women who contract covid is one of the reasons the vaccine is recommended in pregnancy by RCOG. It’s a shame your friend didn’t think about those risks and communicate with you, if she knew her husband was being tested. But it’s done now, and I don’t think you gain anything from trying to calculate the likelihood that you’ll have a positive test.

You're not vaccinated and your socialising with unvaccinated people who are also socialising. Sharing a car means you're also not practicing any form of social distancing. Surely you're aware that puts you at reasonably high risk of catching Covid right now?

I hope you have managed to avoid it but frankly if you have go and get yourself vaccinated. Also, stop visiting your grandmother until you're jabbed - it's unfair to put her at risk.

@Dragon50 yes fingers crossed. I've only had a sore throat in the early hours and first thing on a morning. I was up in the middle of the night adamant it was early onset of symptoms as it felt exactly like the first scratch you get when becoming unwell. Nothing persistent though. I feel hot, clammy and dizzy but I think it's stress and worry but I'm not ruling it out just yet as symptoms? I have really bad heartburn and reflux so my throat kind of always hurts in a way but what I have in the mornings is totally different and defo isn't reflux.

Going forward, if in tbat position, I will be doing so! But tbh I don't really see anyone and haven't for the duration of the pregnancy. I said to my other half that after meeting my friend on Wednesday that from then on I'd be starting mat leave and resting up at home, so really have no other intentions of seeing anybody. A part of me feels so guilty for even going for lunch but then the other part of me realises that is normal. I was with someone I trusted whose household history I thought I knew.

@Lindy2

You're not vaccinated and your socialising with unvaccinated people who are also socialising. Sharing a car means you're also not practicing any form of social distancing. Surely you're aware that puts you at reasonably high risk of catching Covid right now?

I hope you have managed to avoid it but frankly if you have go and get yourself vaccinated. Also, stop visiting your grandmother until you're jabbed - it's unfair to put her at risk.

this. If you choose to socialise when unvaccinated and vulnerable, suck up the consequences

OP I would be really interested to know what pregnancy related condition means you can’t be vaccinated. Obviously there are people that can’t be (severe allergies etc) but I’ve never heard of a pregnancy specific condition that means you’re fine to have it after the baby is here. I don’t imagine you’ll share this ‘condition’ but worth asking

[quote missturnbullx]@MsHedgehog because it seems very strange how she kept saying on Wednesday, over lunch - not mentioned anything before 'he better not have covid'.

She didn't mention the stag do. Just out of the blue, he be better not have covid repeatedly. I asked her why she would think he had covid and she said I don't know who he has been near. Understandable.

Anyway, Saturday when she told me she was covid positive she explained the weekend before he had been on a stag do, she first said with 6 men then about an hour later said with 25 men, and multiple came down with covid. That's why he went for a test. He returned from the stag on Sunday. This is the weekend he cheated. This is information I wasn't told on Wednesday. This is information surely she would have known on Wednesday, if his PCR was positive on Thursday and she apparently left their marital home on Tuesday. Originally she told me she'd left Monday. So I've been told two different days. Nothing is adding up. But she has since texted me after I asked her why she left it so late to tel me all of this information and said 'she forgot to tell me'. [/quote]
She told you she doesn't know who her husband has been near, which you found understandable given his history of cheating, and she expressed that she hopes he doesn't have covid. Whilst with you, and you've carried on unphased and then visited your nan afterwards etc and acted shocked when he's had a positive test
How has she misled you? Sounds like you were knowingly in the company of someone who you appreciate doesn't even fully know who her own husband has been interacting with....and that this a regular not a one off occurrence for him

@missturnbullx you’re generally regarded as infectious for around 48 hours before symptoms start. So I’d say you’re borderline. The infection develops quicker with delta so with your Gran again there is a chance you could have been infectious but hopefully not.
I honestly think most friends would have sent you a warning text on Thursday at the least. I do think she’s really let you down. Hopefully you will all stay covid free. Did you do a PCR for your daughter too?

OP positive or not, do yourself a favour and let go of all thoughts of blame or guilt. It's a virus. Catching it is not a moral failing, there is no point in thinking it is anyone's "fault".

I too am curious as to why a consultant has advised against getting the vaccine in pregnancy but it’s fine for after.

Also you keep saying you wear a mask- you do know that won’t offer you any protection, but (minimally) protects others?

@vanityfairsbackpage that information is my personal medical history, which is just that, personal. I do not need to share that with a stranger on the internet. But thank you for your concern 🙂