Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

[missturnbullx]

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

@MsHedgehog because it seems very strange how she kept saying on Wednesday, over lunch - not mentioned anything before 'he better not have covid'.

She didn't mention the stag do. Just out of the blue, he be better not have covid repeatedly. I asked her why she would think he had covid and she said I don't know who he has been near. Understandable.

Anyway, Saturday when she told me she was covid positive she explained the weekend before he had been on a stag do, she first said with 6 men then about an hour later said with 25 men, and multiple came down with covid. That's why he went for a test. He returned from the stag on Sunday. This is the weekend he cheated. This is information I wasn't told on Wednesday. This is information surely she would have known on Wednesday, if his PCR was positive on Thursday and she apparently left their marital home on Tuesday. Originally she told me she'd left Monday. So I've been told two different days. Nothing is adding up. But she has since texted me after I asked her why she left it so late to tel me all of this information and said 'she forgot to tell me'.

[quote missturnbullx]@girlmom21 I can understand your reasons for opting out of the vaccine in your pregnancy. It is a personal choice. However for me I medically cannot have it until the baby is born. This is recent advise I have had from my midwife/consultant at the hospital. One that I do not need to keep explaining.

I also don't go to lunch often. Or even in to public spaces often. I wear a mask when I do so.

I am not mad at my friend for putting me at risk when I chose to go for lunch. What I am mad at her for is hiding information that has potentially put me at risk. I didn't know he was on a stag do that weekend prior. I found out all the information later.

Just as I am writing this my friend has responded to me because I politely texted her asking her why she didn't tell me 90% of what was going on. I didn't point the finger or get angry. I just said can I ask why on Wednesday you didn't tell me that he was having a test and why you didn't tell me it was positive on Thursday. I explained I have seen my grandma since and had she had told me, I could have avoided seeing me grandma, or avoided meeting up with her full stop. Her response to this was: oh god, with everything going on, I forgot to tell you with a crying emoji.
No I hope your grandma is ok, or I'm sorry. Just I forgot. I guess her husband cheating really is the most important thing in her world right now.

I just cannot understand and I am trying to see it from her point and can understand her head must be consumed with loads of horrible thoughts of him cheating. But is it enough to 'forget'? [/quote]
So she hasn't apologised or asked if your nan is okay. I'm presuming by your posts on here though that you probably haven't asked her how her and her husband are considering they have both tested positive for Covid and are unvaccinated. Swings and roundabouts really and if she is poorly your nan probably is the least of her worries.
You're being OTT.

If you’re at high risk you’re at high risk from everyone, not just your friend. Why was it not a concern that you were in shops and a restaurant but it’s a concern that her husband (that she left on Tuesday) has tested positive? You had more contact with people in the shops and restaurant than you did with her husband.

@vanityfairsbackpage oh come off it. Stop bashing a heavy pregnant woman who is already high risk and most likely very stressed out about her health.

You pressing her so you can rub it in her face and be condescending about the bloody vaccine wont help.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense would of read her original post and saw were she stated her pregnancy was high risk and would of been able to put two and two together. If she has having medical complications she is most likely being a ECMEPTION from the vaccine. I'm sure ops DOCTORS and MWS are much more qualified about the ops health than you are.

I'm sick of people like you constantly trying to invalidate and push people aside just because the dont have the vaccine. Just because op isnt vaccinated doesnt mean you can suddenly come at her.

Also it has no relevance to ops main post. Which is about her friend.

I really hope you don’t have Covid and haven’t passed it on to your grandmother, children and anyone else vulnerable. It is all such a worry. For your own sanity, I would try not to think about your friend & what she did & relax as much as you possibly can-easier said than done. The vast majority of people, pregnant or not, are ok. I wish you all the best for your past trimester.

*last trimester!

I can't understand why I am being told multiple times over 'I am going out and socialising'. I accept going out past that front door, there is risk. And I accept those risks. But I am being made out to be irresponsible for stepping out of the front door whilst pregnant. I am not and would not be angry at getting covid from somebody I CHOSE to socialise with. One of the very small handful of people I chose to, may I addd. But I certainly will be angry if this all turns out that she knew, and with my suspicions and the more she is telling me, it seems that way.

I took our two children for lunch with her present. They both played together at the table with the same toys and colouring books. As they do. Her child and my child are together at play group so they're in a kind of bubble anyway. I don't see other friends. This was a friend of mine i was supposed to trust. She doesn't really go anywhere, she doesn't work. Afterwards we went shopping to Tesco. Picked up some baby clothes from there. I wore a mask in the public places. She helped me load my car with the shopping.

I didn't have a baby shower this time. I've declined seeing friends since being pregnant. I've not attended other friends baby showers due to it being crowded places. I'm not out and about floating around everywhere waiting for covid to slap me in the face. I simply did what most others are doing. I do not regret meeting a friend for lunch in a pandemic because I believe I have done my best to protect myself in the situation I chose to put myself in. I knew I wasn't a risk to her. I also need to do food shops, I have a child to feed and pregnancy cravings to answer to 🙂

I think YANBU and she is a knob for putting you at risk. I don't blame you for being pissed off. I would be too.

@mummyh2016

Actually you are wrong.

I texted her asking how her household is feeling. And asked the question about why she delayed telling me until Saturday.

She has since responded with I forgot to tell you with everything that's going on.

For those that have said of course my pregnancy and my grandma are the least of her worries, of course they are the least of her worries. You could say her health is the least of mine? But the thing is, I will ask and show my concern because that's what friends do.

@KentuckyCriedFricken erm because she's tested positive and was sat in a car with me, a resteraunt, and was with me for longer than 15 minutes.

Chances of me picking covid up doing a Tesco food shop, using a sanitised trolley, wearing a mask and not being around the same individual for more than a few seconds is unlikely isn't it? But catching it from a supposed friend who knew her husband was getting covid tested after a big stag weekend away after cheating on her... different story.

One of my mates in your position asked me to do a LFT before I met up with her. That might be an option for the future?

Either way this friendship sounds dead in the water. She sounds like she has a lot on and possibly a bit of a user. You sound a bit resentful of her not outwardly appreciating your generosity.

Sound unhealthy.

Either way we all need to take care of ourselves because many others don’t give a shit.

Personally, esp as you've only a few weeks to go, I wouldn’t have knowingly met up with an anti vaxxer.

Your health is never going to be anyone else’s primary concern.

@missturnbullx and how is she? Tbh it sounds as though you've only asked her so you can throw in a dig to make her feel bad that you weren't told immediately.
She's unvaccinated and people are still dying. She could be one of the lucky ones and have no symptoms. Or she could be bed bound, or even worse admitted onto an intensive care ward at some point. If I had that to deal with/worry about along with a husband who has cheated I wouldn't be thinking of your nan and if I was continued to be pestered and made to feel guilty I'd be telling you to FO.
You clearly don't think much of her anyway.

@Dragon50 she's not an anti Vaxxer or conspiracy theorist, she is just anti covid vax whilst on clinical trial if that is even a thing 😂But I am not one to be judgmental about somebodies vaccination status. I've plenty of friends double jabbed who have got really ill from covid, so I see no more risk meeting my friend who is unvaccinated and has minimal social life as opposed to somebody who is vaccinated.

Maybe I am uneducated on the vaccine subject. But my understanding is even double jabbed people transmit the virus so why are her beliefs on the vaccine anything to do with her risk to me? Covid is covid isn't it? Whether it is transmit from a jabbed or unjabbed person isn't it just the same risk to me? The unvaccinated?

Yes I think she was off not letting you know about her husband on the Thursday. Is she vaccinated? Hopefully she is as it will reduce your chances of getting it. If she’s been vaccinated her and her child wouldn’t actually be required to self isolate despite the positive case in the household

[quote missturnbullx]@Dragon50 she's not an anti Vaxxer or conspiracy theorist, she is just anti covid vax whilst on clinical trial if that is even a thing 😂But I am not one to be judgmental about somebodies vaccination status. I've plenty of friends double jabbed who have got really ill from covid, so I see no more risk meeting my friend who is unvaccinated and has minimal social life as opposed to somebody who is vaccinated.

Maybe I am uneducated on the vaccine subject. But my understanding is even double jabbed people transmit the virus so why are her beliefs on the vaccine anything to do with her risk to me? Covid is covid isn't it? Whether it is transmit from a jabbed or unjabbed person isn't it just the same risk to me? The unvaccinated? [/quote]
No those who are vaccinated have a lower viral load which means they’re not as ill and they’re much less likely to transmit it to other people

@mummyh2016

She's fine. She's just tired. And she is not worried - she just said 'I can't wait for this
Self isolation to be over because it's driving me mad, I'm bored' she is aware her symptoms can progress. Her husband is fine too. And no i didn't just ask her how she was to have a dig or whatever. I've been texting her since she told me asking how she is feeling and the response is the same 'tired and can't taste my cuppa'. It's only today that ive started to add everything up and get a little angry and wonder. And lo and behold it turns out, she forgot to tell me didn't she.

It's not that I don't think much of her. 32 years of friendship is a hard one to throw away. It's that I'm disappointed In how over the years the friendship has changed dramatically and is one sided. Like ive said in a previous comment I will be distancing from this friendship because even writing this post and thinking over the last few years of some of the things she has done etc it's made me really re-evaluate the whole friendship. It's going to be hard to cut ties but I believe it is for the best.

I booked a test on same day i git tested doesn't have to be day before if spaces are free
Maybe she didn't know until the thursday if she moved put tues so was unaware when she met you on weds

If she did know about the test or symptoms on Wednesday she would have been required to self isolate. So yes that’s pretty appalling if she knew, she’s put you and everyone else that day at risk

@BungleandGeorge

No she is not vaccinated. Thank you
For the information on the vaccine re viral load.
Do you know typically how long before symptoms start someone would shed their viral load when unvaccinated? I am trying to work out the risk on the day I saw her, and if I am positive, the risk on the day I saw my grandma too.

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I think you're getting a hard time here.

If someone that she lived with was getting a pcr test and she isnt vaccinated, she was legally obliged to isolate until he received a negative result. So if she did know he was going for a test, she broke the law and put you at risk, so she could cry on your shoulder.

Yes you could catch covid from anywhere, and if you choose to socialise with friends then you increase the risk. But I think its reasonable to expect a friend to have some sort of consideration for your health when you're vulnerable. There is taking a slightly increased risk from socialising, but your friend has massively and unreasonably increased that risk if she knew her husband was taking a test and broke the law by not isolating.

Exactly

I don't know why people are giving OP a hard time

I bet if any of these posters bashing her Were in the same situation they would be livid.

Besides being vaccinated hasnt stopped anyone catching the vaccine so even if you were vaccinated you could have still caught it

OP just take a deep breath and ignore people on here being hard on you

She was meant to be isolating and wasn't meant to be out if she knew her DP had gone for a test especially since you mentioned that she kept saying it out of the blue that hope he doesn't have covid

She was wrong to have been in the same car with you and have social contact BUT pls cut her some slack .

she's probably just trying to sort out her already troubled marriage and is not in the best state of mind

Fingers crossed for you and my advice is with or without the vaccine you should be limiting contact because of your high risk preg

All the best

@worriedatthemoment I'm
Really hoping she didn't know but her comments of 'I hope he doesn't have covid' with no explanation to me about what that meant, over lunch on Wednesday and the fact that even when he cheats and they fall out, they are always still in contact and text each other all day long, as they were doing on Wednesday.

And from past experiences she hasn't left the marital home to go to her mums. She usually stays with him.

I hope you are Negative.

But my god the replies on this thread are unbelievable.

What so called friend would put their friend who is having a high risk pregnancy and I assume the friend knows a lot more about OP pregnancy then we do at risk.

Yes people have the right not to have the vaccine but they also have the responsibility to make sure that they are not spreading this illness around. The so called friend knew full well that she was putting OP an her baby and children at risk by not telling her that her husband was having symptoms and was having a PCR test.

@confusedwithschool thank you. That's some good advise to process. Appreciated.

[quote Myla2]@vanityfairsbackpage oh come off it. Stop bashing a heavy pregnant woman who is already high risk and most likely very stressed out about her health.

You pressing her so you can rub it in her face and be condescending about the bloody vaccine wont help.

Anyone with an ounce of common sense would of read her original post and saw were she stated her pregnancy was high risk and would of been able to put two and two together. If she has having medical complications she is most likely being a ECMEPTION from the vaccine. I'm sure ops DOCTORS and MWS are much more qualified about the ops health than you are.

I'm sick of people like you constantly trying to invalidate and push people aside just because the dont have the vaccine. Just because op isnt vaccinated doesnt mean you can suddenly come at her.[/quote]
you’re proving my point here…key words being ‘high risk’ ‘medical complications’, ‘pregnancy’ and, er ‘ounce of common sense’. I won’t include ‘ecmeption’ 😆