Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

[missturnbullx]

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

I never got the leaflet either! Just the standard one in the packet!

I feel we’ve missed out…

@8dpwoah She gave me a paper copy of the leaflet - which I have put in the bin since and sent me a link electronically. The link wasn't an NHS link, it was just a website with info on omeprazole.

Many things can be true at once.

First, it was unconscionable of her not to mention to her vulnerable friend that someone in her household may have had covid. If she hadn't known, it would be one thing, but it sounds like she just didn't care. In that sense, YANBU.

Second, it doesn't sound like a friendship with healthy boundaries. In this sense, you're both BU.

Third, if you are in a vulnerable pregnancy, you have to take special precautions. You particularly shouldn't be hanging out in close quarters with people who you know to be unvaccinated; in fact, regardless of their vaccination status, I wouldn't be hanging out with anyone. Delta is particularly dangerous to pregnant women, and if you can't be vaccinated, you're at risk. So in that sense, YABU.

There's nothing to do about it now, of course. All that's left is to do what's in front of you. So, I'd significantly reduce my contact with the outside world for the next six weeks. I'd online shop, travel outside the home as little as possible, and not see anyone in close quarters who isn't vaccinated. And I'd cut this friendship off, or at least dial it back.

@Nancydrawn I thought that the vaccine, although provided protection against delta, wasn't as effective against the delta variant? Also why is this variant more dangerous to pregnant women? This has not been mentioned to me at all in any of my appointments therefore I have had no concerns over different variants of covid etc.

Thank you for the below information on each point.

@Nancydrawn I've just been googling about this delta variant... I cannot understand why this has not been mentioned to me... ever. At any of my appointments. It seems it's only come to light over the last couple of days though? Perhaps that is why?

This woman is only looking out for herself. Cut ties.

@Heliachi I did answer this post below.

I cannot get vaccinated.

Our children attend the same group.

I have a child to feed. A trip to Tesco every other week is minimal risk, still poses a risk but it's minimal. And so far I haven't caught covid in Tesco from a stranger. I am yet to hear of anybody catching covid in a supermarket or resteraunt. Please do enlighten me if you know of people that have.

And one frigging meal. With one friend. Sat near no bloody body other than the one person I trust because the resteraunt staff are doing their best to keep the environment safe for all customers.

What am I supposed to do? Stay indoors forever? The Hermes guy could give me covid at the door couldn't he? Or Tesco driver could sneeze on my frozen pizza. Bloody hell. I rarely go anywhere. I haven't even been told by the hospital that I need to stay indoors and shield. I am not going to catch covid from someone sat at the opposite side of a resteraunt. However I am likely to catch covid from the one person sat opposite me... my friend. And she HAS tested positive. And I am wondering two things AIBU to be angry if she's lied about the situation and secondly has anybody got any useful information on testing, symptoms etc.

Starting to really kick myself now and feel down about the whole situation. Like I've done something wrong. I feel like an absolutely useless mum. Can't sleep. I'm having hot sweats no idea if that's covid or stress. Sat in anxiety waiting for my pcr results praying it's negative.

OP, I'm not trying to worry you. My sincere hope is that this has been a near miss, that you're fine, and that you can go on with more information. Please don't panic - the chances of anything bad happening are still very slim, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about trusting someone you thought was a homebody.

That said, yes, the AZ vaccine is effective against delta. Most recent studies show it to by 60-70 percent effective at keeping people from developing a high viral load (compare this to a flu shot, which is usually about 30-40 percent). Pfizer is even higher.

Even when the vaccine doesn't prevent people from getting ill, it does a very good job at preventing severe illness or hospitalization.

In terms of delta and pregnant women, this is going to be news that your doctor and midwife have. If they've still determined that you're at risk in being vaccinated, then I'm sure they're merely weighing the dangers. I will say that the delta strain is more dangerous to groups who were relatively resistant to the original strain: children and young people are getting it at a much higher rate, as are pregnant women and healthy middle-aged people.

Again, I'm not trying to make you scared. You might want to consult with your midwife and doctor again to ask their advice regarding contact. If it were me, I'd just be incredibly cautious until I could be vaccinated, and if that means until post-partum, so be it.

Genuinely no idea why the medical professionals in charge of your care are recommending you dont get the vaccine, are they ok? I think it’s bizarre people would recommend that when getting Covid could be, by the sounds of it, 100x worse for you and your baby.

If you choose not to be vaccinated and then choose to go out and socialise, I guess that’s just the risk you took upon yourself.

@Nancydrawn thank you. I am unsure why none of this information has been told to me considering I am regularly at the hospital. Covid is barely mentioned in my appointments, after arrival at reception.

I'm really upset now but it was only a matter of time before I got upset about the whole situation. Just absolutely broken down crying. I don't know what to think about the situation with my friend, and I'm fearing the worst of the pcr comes back positive. What a shit situation. I honestly just feel like it's all my fault and I'm massively irresponsible. I'm scared how if I get poorly I'll look after my little girl and if I go in to early labour - as I'm already at risk of that, that the care will be compromised if I was covid positive and wouldn't be able to hold my newborn or something. I just don't know what to expect.

Overlapping messages.

In terms of what you've said about risks, I think you're half right and half wrong. I can only tell you what I would do in this situation (vulnerable, pregnant, and unvaxxed):

We now know that covid is primarily spread though breathing, not through surfaces.

So I'd feel totally comfortable getting my groceries delivered, getting pizza delivered, etc. I'd also feel perfectly comfortable with getting packages and mail, and anything where the contact is really surface-level.

I'd also feel relatively comfortable being outside in a spread-out area, particularly if people weren't near me. I'd feel fine going for a long outdoor walk, or having a family picnic in the park.

I'd feel less comfortable with things that have me in slight risk of shared air. I might go to a supermarket, but only with a high quality (e.g. N-95 or KN-95) mask. I might go to a larger outdoor event with closer outdoor contact, like a sporting event, but I'd wear a mask while doing it.

I'd feel far less comfortable going into a shared indoor space without a mask, no matter how spread out. I would not eat at a restaurant, go to the cinema, or even spend much time unmasked in the grocery store.

I'd be completely uncomfortable with sharing small, confined spaces with people whose health status I don't know. I absolutely would not share long car rides (anything more than 5 minutes), close indoor dining, or have anyone over to my house. This would be particularly true if I knew they hadn't been vaccinated, as vaccines lessen their viral load, make their infection window much smaller, and make it more likely that they're not sick in the first place.

Put it this way: it's only for six weeks or so. I know it's dreadful, but it'll keep you feeling safe and secure at a vulnerable time.

Overlapping again!

You're totally reasonable to be sad, hurt, and angry about your friend putting you in this position. As I said, it was unconscionable.

However, there's really nothing you can do now to turn the clock back. And really, chances are very very high that everything's going to be okay. It probably will. And you'll have had this awful scare, but you've learned a lot from the scare. You're going to have to navigate the strange world of postpartum in a pandemic, and knowing things now can help.

As for why your doctor didn't bring it up, I have no idea. I think that many people thought Covid was on its way out, including some public health and medical experts. But I'm not sure why they didn't tell you, and it might be worth raising with them now. You can even give them a reason for it that has nothing to do with your friend: just recently the CDC came out with new guidance on the subject, and you could say that you were reading up on it and you wanted to check in with them.

In the meantime, really try not to worry. And in future, avoid higher risk things while still celebrating doing some of the lower risk things you still can! (Wear a mask, distance, stay outdoors where possible.)

@Nancydrawn you've explained a lot of things very well. Thank you for that.

Thing is, I thought I knew her health status to share that car journey with her. I just feel so stupid and irresponsible. This is just typical, I spend most of my time indoors at home, not really seeing friends and only seeing immediate family in a kind of bubble (yes still a little bubble), do a two weekly food shop and go to the hospital for my consultant appointments. I sit on Facebook and see 90% of people in groups, other pregnant women having baby showers etc, I see people in clubs, on holiday, drinking at each other's houses and this Seems to be every weekend. I have one stupid meal and share a car journey with a close friend and I'm sat waiting for covid results. I am not trying to feel sorry for myself or anything like that but I am kicking myself about it.

Sorry if I sound like I'm ranting or a woe is me post. I'm just letting a load of emotion out and it's late and I'm
Probably really tired and talking a load of rubbish.

Nah, you sound reasonably frustrated! It was a very, very shitty thing for a friend to do.

As for all the people out there partying, they're either vaccinated, risking a lot, or both. I know that most of my own pregnant friends aren't seeing anyone right now.

It's absolute shit, but it's not for much longer. For now, try to be easy on yourself, feel free not to talk to her for a while, and just concentrate on getting through this awful time.

I'm 28 weeks pregnant and would be absolutely fuming if a friend did this to me, that's IF she did actually know, you don't know that she was aware of her husband having the test so I don't think you could really know for sure either way but by the sounds of things she doesn't seem like a great friend anyway.
However, even though I'm double vaccinated I wouldn't meet with anti vax friends indoors whilst in 3rd trimester (because they take no precautions whatsoever) so the fact you and your friend aren't vaccinated and she's actually anti vax and you were happy to socialise with her knowing her husband had been on a stag you'd have to know that there was a fair chance you could be exposed to covid given how rife it is at the moment. As your pregnancy is also high risk it wouldn't be a risk that I would be taking. I really hope your test comes back negative though!

I would be annoyed too OP.

However, you are a high risk pregnancy and I genuinely don't understand why you would be meeting up with some anti-vaxxer friend tbh. You really need to take care of yourself. I don't mean hide in your house but you do need to take responsibility to keep yourself as safe as possible right now and that probably isn't spending hours in close contact with someone you know to be a selfish friend.

Really hoping all ok for you.

I completely respect that you are following guidance from your doctor/midwife, obviously nobody has a your medical notes and therefore cannot fully appreciate your medical teams rationale for their advice. Is it a while since you perhaps saw them? As an ICU nurse with lots and lots of experience with covid (including a fair amount of pre/post partum ladies in more recent months) I urge you to make contact with your team and ask them if their advice remains the same with regards to vaccines. There are very few reasons now why a high risk pregnant lady would not be priority for the vaccine following guidance in the last month or so when it was noted that there was an increased risk to pregnant women with covid.

If for what ever reason it’s deemed that you cannot have the vaccine, I really would stick to outdoor activities as much as possible to suppress risk. I understand it’s more than difficult, but imho essential to keep both you and your baby safe.

FWIW, I think your friend has been terribly selfish. She chose a play date over the safety of you and your baby, this to me would be the end of our friendship.

l would contact your consultants secretary first thing today if your appointment falls in your 10 day isolation period and request a telephone consultation.

I hope you remain well

@Saoirse82

Thank you for your reply and congrats on being 28 weeks pregnant!

Sorry, I just wanted to note here I had no idea he had been on a stag do that weekend when we met up. When she did initially tell me it was apparently with six work colleagues, this info then changed to 25 men!

I also appreciate you note I have mentioned the anti covid vax subject. Again, my 'friend' from what I have seen throughout the pandemic hasn't been silly or not taken precautions, she simply just doesn't want to get the vaccine until the trial is over in 2023 so I haven't judged that view. If that is what makes them feel comofrotable then who am I to judge or assume because they're not vaccinated they 'don't take precautions?' I can only go off of what I am told by someone and have to trust and accept that.

Since posting this forum I have actually learnt a lot about the covid vaccine/different covid variants and how it changes transmission rates etc. Things that I didn't know, simply because I've not been told at consultant appointments. Someone above has raised and asked if I haven't seen my consultant in a while. I last saw my consultant coming up to two weeks ago now, being eligible for the vaccine wasn't mentioned. It was two weeks prior to that - so almost four weeks when she advised me against it and I discussed with my midwife in the same week, with the same advice given. I will be making contact with my midwife tomorrow to ask if this information still stands, I believe it will, as I am sure if their advice had changed then they would have contacted me to tell me that I would now be eligible for the covid vaccine?

I note your other valid points in the post! I think I've made a terrible post and been really unclear with some of the info I've provided.

[quote missturnbullx]**@Toottooot* @amy85*

Thank you for your responses. However in our area covid tests are rarely available the same day. I couldn't get one the same day. So that's why I'm under the impression that she knew on the Wednesday. Plus on Wednesday at lunch she kept saying I hope he doesn't have covid just randomly out of the blue and I was brushing it off because I had no idea what was going on until Saturday! [/quote]
If she really was saying this then IMO she knew, and it wasn't ok to meet you without warning you.

The risks for pregnant people of having covid go beyond serious illness - for example if you went into labour whilst covid positive that can mean no one is allowed to visit.

I would be very annoyed, but sadly being inconsiderate is quite common.

There is a minority view that being vaccinated gets rid of all covid concerns, this is incorrect and comes from ignorance of how covid affects different people. Just being very under the weather is not desirable when pregnant with another child to chase after!

Sorry - I had missed that the op is unvaccinated, that makes things different! I did rtft, but clearly not well enough

If the op was unvaccinated and the friend knew, they were extremely unreasonable not to warn you.

Oh just get a bloody vaccine, can’t be arsed with all this drama!

Well regardless of your friends behaviour having another family in your car when you're pregnant and vulnerable to covid wasn't really a smart move, that was your choice. Anyone you meet at the moment could have covid, cases are very high where I am. You'd be safer sticking to outdoor meet ups.

As @lannistunut has pointed out:

''The risks for pregnant people of having covid go beyond serious illness - for example if you went into labour whilst covid positive that can mean no one is allowed to visit.''

I'd like the person who commented 'just get the bloody vaccine cba with the drama to read this'. This is bang on.

I can't have the vaccine I have been told this. And even if I could my concerns would remain as a pregnant woman for as this user has said, go beyond serious illness. It's also about the pregnancy as a whole and not giving birth under a compromise. I need to have a c section this has been mentioned by my consultant and I am concerned of not getting this if I went in to labour covid positive.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

That’s weird, I have terrible heartburn in my pregnancy too and was prescribed Omerprazole by a consultant.

The BNF states that omeprazole is "not known to be harmful" in pregnancy.

The PIL for omeprazole capsules (although it's the sane for any formulation) states "Pregnancy and breast-feeding
If you are pregnant or breastfeeding, think you may be pregnant or are planning to have a baby, ask your doctor or pharmacist for advice before taking this medicine.
Omeprazole is excreted in breast milk but is not likely to influence the child when therapeutic doses are used. Your doctor will decide whether you can take Omeprazole 10mg Capsules if you are breast-feeding."

Not sure where OP found that it causes allergies in the foetus.