Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

203 replies

missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 20:36

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

OP posts:
LibbyL92 · 22/08/2021 21:15

You’re out mingling in public you’re clearly taking your chances. If you’re that worried you should stay at home.

I’ve been pinged so many times by the app now.

We’re in a global pandemic the only way you have a chance not becoming infected is to stay home.

MMAMPWGHAP · 22/08/2021 21:15

We don’t need to be scientists who work with the vaccine. We’re accepting the advice of scientists who do.

Think how much the baby affects your lung capacity/breathing towards the end of pregnancy. Now put a bad dose of Covid on top of that.

Scared of Covid? Take the vaccine.

Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 21:16

I haven't had the vaccine because my midwife and consultant advised against it in my pregnancy and I am under consultant led care at the hospital. I will be having the vaccine once the baby is born. So for all those asking me to get my facts right about my friend, please get your facts right about my current vaccine status too, thank you.

My friend hasn't had the vaccine nor has her husband because they are anti covid vax. They have said they wish to wait until 2023 when the trial is over and that is their personal choice. It is not up to me to judge them for that. However, I chose to meet with this friend, for lunch, and let our kids play because these same children play together in a bubble at group and I'm not afraid of catching covid from somebody at the table next to me in a resteraunt when they aren't even close enough to be a risk to meSmile I continue to wear a mask in public places, however at lunch, of course, I wasn't. I need to use my mouth to eat.

What I am afraid of, is being lied to by a 'friend' and catching covid from somebody who knows my vulnerabilities and my reasons for not being vaccinated at present.

I am under consultant led care, the only advise the consultant gave me in third trimester of pregnancy is to test twice weekly at home. I have not been told I need to vaccinate myself, social distance and stay indoors. I am doing nothing wrong meeting a friend for lunch. It's my choice to take what I believed to be minimal risk. of course I understand being near friends and family there is always somewhat of a risk and I accept that. But this situation with my friend isn't adding up. Plenty of people are back out in nightclubs, jetting off on holiday, I simply went for a coffee with somebody who I put my trust in.

However, I appreciate all responses, as I did ask if IABU on a public forum and it is good to see other people's perspective on the matter, as I chose to respect my friend enough to vent to others before I vent to her 🙂 However, I think I've probably missed out a lot of detail involved in the situation for people to better understand which is my fault for those responses where I haven't made certain facts clear.

OP posts:
GrandDuchessRomanov · 22/08/2021 21:18

@vanityfairsbackpage Completely agree with you. I am going on holiday soon and from tomorrow I will be self isolating etc and I am doubly vaccinated.

If I am taking those precautions just for a holiday surely as concerned as the OP claims to be she would be doing the same until the baby arrives.

It's the risk you are taking going out socialising.

ClearButtons · 22/08/2021 21:22

There is always a risk at the moment that if you socialise, you could catch covid. Not everyone has symptoms and you can catch it from anyone. I'm pregnant, not vaccinated but I've been going out to places, knowing full well that I could possibly catch covid. Incidentally, I did catch it (probably from a wedding I went to) but I don't blame anyone, I knew the risks about seeing people and unfortunately I caught it. I think YABU to blame her, it doesn't sound like she knew she could have had it anyway!

Albgo · 22/08/2021 21:22

@Porcupineintherough

I am sorry you are worried but if you have chosen not to be vaccinated and are choosing to socialize indoors then you are pretty much choosing to put yourself at risk of catching COVID. It seems unfair to look for a scapegoat at this point.
Agree.
Thedayohthedayohtheday · 22/08/2021 21:24

It's scary, but if you are that worried about covid perhaps you should avoid these sort of social meetings. My husband and I have to really consider any outing because he is extremely clinically vulnerable. We not only think about the risks from our friends and relatives, but also waiting staff and other members of the public we may come in contact with.
You really have to weigh up the risks and benefits and decide what is most important to you. And the sad and difficult thing is that this is the reality for all of us for the forseeable future.
Your friend should have told you though.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 22/08/2021 21:25

So you haven't had the vaccine, you met up for lunch with a friend who hasn't had the vaccine. Yet it's all your friends fault who had fallen out with her husband so may not have even known he was having a test

Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 21:26

@girlmom21 I can understand your reasons for opting out of the vaccine in your pregnancy. It is a personal choice. However for me I medically cannot have it until the baby is born. This is recent advise I have had from my midwife/consultant at the hospital. One that I do not need to keep explaining.

I also don't go to lunch often. Or even in to public spaces often. I wear a mask when I do so.

I am not mad at my friend for putting me at risk when I chose to go for lunch. What I am mad at her for is hiding information that has potentially put me at risk. I didn't know he was on a stag do that weekend prior. I found out all the information later.

Just as I am writing this my friend has responded to me because I politely texted her asking her why she didn't tell me 90% of what was going on. I didn't point the finger or get angry. I just said can I ask why on Wednesday you didn't tell me that he was having a test and why you didn't tell me it was positive on Thursday. I explained I have seen my grandma since and had she had told me, I could have avoided seeing me grandma, or avoided meeting up with her full stop. Her response to this was: oh god, with everything going on, I forgot to tell you with a crying emoji.
No I hope your grandma is ok, or I'm sorry. Just I forgot. I guess her husband cheating really is the most important thing in her world right now.

I just cannot understand and I am trying to see it from her point and can understand her head must be consumed with loads of horrible thoughts of him cheating. But is it enough to 'forget'?

OP posts:
owlbethere · 22/08/2021 21:28

So your friends marriage is in tatters and all you care about is something you could have avoided by not going out to lunch if you’re that worried?

SparklingStars10 · 22/08/2021 21:29

As you’ve chosen not to be vaccinated, then you’re putting yourself at risk anyway by choosing to socialise anyway. Of the women I know that are pregnant, all have been vaccinated, as is advised, one is also high-risk.

girlmom21 · 22/08/2021 21:30

@missturnbullx I think you misunderstood part of my post - I was defending you not having the vaccine and said others were being unfair to use that against you or to question you on it...

I understand you being annoyed if she knew you were vulnerable but I do think you need to take more responsibility here.

Although she does seem very self-absorbed and I wouldn't be making any future effort with her personally.

owlbethere · 22/08/2021 21:30

Of course her husband cheating on her is the most important thing in her world right now!
Jesus Christ. How self absorbed are you?

anon12345678901 · 22/08/2021 21:31

Well yes, obviously her being cheated on is at the forefront of her mind, not your pregnancy. If she forgot, she forgot. If you are that worried, I would stay home until the baby is born. You can catch Covid from anyone, anywhere. It's completely your choice and medically advised not to be vaccinated, but it's your decision to go out and about with Covid still so present.

MordredsOrrery · 22/08/2021 21:33

It doesn't matter whether we think you're unreasonable or not - you blame her and you're coming out with many reasons why you consider her to be to blame.

You've made it clear you don't really like her, that her reasons are not good enough and, although you've explained your concerns for yourself at length, you've shown no concern either for her situation with her H or her health, given she has covid and is not vaccinated.

Give up this friendship for both your sakes.

owlbethere · 22/08/2021 21:33

@MordredsOrrery

It doesn't matter whether we think you're unreasonable or not - you blame her and you're coming out with many reasons why you consider her to be to blame.

You've made it clear you don't really like her, that her reasons are not good enough and, although you've explained your concerns for yourself at length, you've shown no concern either for her situation with her H or her health, given she has covid and is not vaccinated.

Give up this friendship for both your sakes.

Agreed.
Original poster
missturnbullx · 22/08/2021 21:33

For those who are still bashing me
For not being vaccinated, please take the time to read my below comments on why I am not and CANNOT be vaccinated this pregnancy. Also please read further updates from my friend. It is my fault I haven't included my reasons for being unvaccinated etc in the main post.

I also am not 'petrified' of catching covid and understand the risks that come with leaving the house. I understand I could catch covid from anyone, anywhere. However I chose to wear a mask in public places, sanitise and take precautions in line with government guidance and the discussions I have two weekly with my consultant and midwife.

I am not wrong to be mad to have information withheld from me relating to covid from a FRIEND. I would be wrong to be angry at my
Friend for giving me covid unknowingly. But information points to that it wasn't unknowingly.

And it turns out, following a recent text from her she 'forgot' to tell me because of 'everything that's going on'. And I am trying to understand this. But I know her personally, this is my friend and this is a regular level of selfishness for her.

OP posts:
owlbethere · 22/08/2021 21:35

@missturnbullx

For those who are still bashing me For not being vaccinated, please take the time to read my below comments on why I am not and CANNOT be vaccinated this pregnancy. Also please read further updates from my friend. It is my fault I haven't included my reasons for being unvaccinated etc in the main post.

I also am not 'petrified' of catching covid and understand the risks that come with leaving the house. I understand I could catch covid from anyone, anywhere. However I chose to wear a mask in public places, sanitise and take precautions in line with government guidance and the discussions I have two weekly with my consultant and midwife.

I am not wrong to be mad to have information withheld from me relating to covid from a FRIEND. I would be wrong to be angry at my
Friend for giving me covid unknowingly. But information points to that it wasn't unknowingly.

And it turns out, following a recent text from her she 'forgot' to tell me because of 'everything that's going on'. And I am trying to understand this. But I know her personally, this is my friend and this is a regular level of selfishness for her.

Well if you don’t think you are unreasonable then what’s the point in this post?
vanityfairsbackpage · 22/08/2021 21:35

You haven’t actually explained why you ‘can’t’ be vaccinated

JaffaRaf · 22/08/2021 21:36

It sounds like her relationship is in tatters, and also she’s ill as she’s got covid, maybe cut the woman some slack? You’ve even said she’s not normally considerate so expecting her world to suddenly revolve around you at a horrible time in her life is just really stressing yourself out for nothing, making her feel bad won’t change anything here.

DelphiniumBlue · 22/08/2021 21:36

The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions.
This means she's lying.

girlmom21 · 22/08/2021 21:36

@vanityfairsbackpage

You haven’t actually explained why you ‘can’t’ be vaccinated
Probably because it's absolutely nobody's business
MsHedgehog · 22/08/2021 21:37

Why do you think your friend knew about the PCR test? You’ve made a massive assumption there.

MsHedgehog · 22/08/2021 21:38

And agree, you can’t complain about possibly being exposed to covid when you’ve not had the vaccine (understand why) but are still socialising.

DreamingofTimbuktu · 22/08/2021 21:39

You’ve chosen to get pregnant, not to get vaccinated, meet a friend who you know is an anti vaccinator in a pandemic. It is therefore not surprising that you are now in a situation where you may have been exposed. Yes you’re friend should have told you but equally you could have made lower risk choices.