Covid exposure from friend whilst I am pregnant

[missturnbullx]

I'll try and make this my last COVID-19 post now.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

Her husband tested positive for COVID the day after we met (the Thursday) following a PCR test. He must have gone for the test on the Wednesday when we met up, not very happy that I wasn't informed about this and could have postponed meeting up until it was safe.

Her husband had apparently gone on a stag do that weekend and returned home late Sunday evening/early hours Monday morning. The timescales are not that clear as she keeps telling me she has brain fog and is too tired to answer my questions. It turns out on the Tuesday morning she packed her bags and left for her mums because they had an argument (he isn't very faithful and cheats a lot).

Anyway, fast forward from that, apparently when she found out about his positive PCR on Thursday she did a lateral flow test on the Thursday which was negative. Friday evening apparently she started to feel a bit ill and did another lateral flow which was positive. She then informed me on the Saturday morning she was covid positive.

I'm starting to get a little annoyed now because I feel like it was irresponsible of her to sit and have lunch with me at 34 weeks pregnant with my 2 year old child whilst she knowingly knew her husband was sat in a covid test centre. I'm also annoyed she didn't alert me on the Thursday about his positive test. I went to my grandmas on the Friday and I could have totally avoided that trip had I have known all this was going on. NOT TO MENTION the fact she KNOWS I am a high risk pregnancy, already at risk of a preterm birth and she also knows I was in ICU when pregnant with my first. The more the time goes on, the angrier I get about it. I don't know if IABU. If I end up covid positive I will have to cancel my next appointment with my consultant which included planning a date for a c section due to pregnancy health complications and that will make me feel even more anxious about the whole situation.

Anyway, my lateral flows are all negative so far. Today is Sunday evening. I had a PCR this morning and currently awaiting the results. I've not really had any symptoms except waking up in the night with a sore throat but I don't have a sore throat through the day. It's hard to tell really considering I have such bad heartburn and reflux in this pregnancy. I feel a bit run down but I was starting to feel that way with the pregnancy anyway.

Apparently her mum who she stayed with from Tuesday-Friday is still testing negative on lateral flows and has no symptoms, however she is double jabbed.

Myself and my 'friend' haven't had the vaccine yet.

I guess I need to rant and I also am wondering if anybody else could share their experiences. I'm so scared I've caught it because even though she didn't get symptoms and test positive till Friday night, I've heard the virus can shed up to 2 days before anyway, which would have made it the Wednesday I was with her.

I'm so annoyed, I've spent years carting her and her child around to nice places (she doesn't drive and doesn't bother taking her places) and I feel totally trodden on and taken for granted. This whole situation could have been avoided. I mean at first when she told me I was reassuring it wasn't her fault but the more questions I ask, the more suspicious I get about how much she actually knew at the time she met with me.

I am 34 weeks pregnant and met up with a friend of mine on Wednesday. I picked her up in my car, we went shopping, went for lunch and our children played together. I then dropped her back at home.

I don't see how you can be annoyed at your friend when you're doing all of the above. You could catch covid from any of the above things. Yes, your friend should have told you. But as you're going out and mixing with the public anyway, I don't feel you have a right to be annoyed.

If your friend had come to your house because you were isolating at home to protect yourself, then yes YANBU. But this wasn't the case.

Sorry, another vote for YABU. Appreciate vaccination may not be an option, but, in that case, it's your risk to take steps to mitigate as you see fit. Covid rates are reasonably high at the moment and you are choosing to increase the risk of infection by going out to a restaurant.

Perhaps your friend could have been more thoughtful but it sounds as if she also has a lot going on. Fingers crossed your tests stay negative.

Lesson there is you can't take it for granted that anyone you mix with is covid free whether they are being dishonest or genuinely don't know. More fool you for not being more careful about what you're choosing to put yourself at risk of by socialising at length indoors when you know you are highly vulnerable (I hear what you're saying about not being able to be vaccinated but wearing a mask and chatting to a consultant obstetrician about virology does not equal full protection).

I hope you haven't caught it and I can see why you would have some annoyance towards your friend whose life has just fallen apart but your health and safety is your own responsibility.

I think you're getting a hard time here.

If someone that she lived with was getting a pcr test and she isnt vaccinated, she was legally obliged to isolate until he received a negative result. So if she did know he was going for a test, she broke the law and put you at risk, so she could cry on your shoulder.

Yes you could catch covid from anywhere, and if you choose to socialise with friends then you increase the risk. But I think its reasonable to expect a friend to have some sort of consideration for your health when you're vulnerable. There is taking a slightly increased risk from socialising, but your friend has massively and unreasonably increased that risk if she knew her husband was taking a test and broke the law by not isolating.

@bookit

If catching Covid at this stage in your pregnancy would be so serious for you, why go out for lunch with a friend? The person on the table next to you in the cafe could have had Covid. And letting yours and her kids play together, touching everything as toddlers do??

If Covid really would be that serious for you right now I'd be taking more precautions just for the next few weeks or .... waaaay out suggestion here .... get the sodding vaccine!

this

I cant believe your friend has possibly knowingly exposed you to covid but somehow it's your fault for not assuming that she would screw you over!

I should say I am double vaccinated, third trimester and I cancelled a family engagement this week as the weather went to pot when it was meant to be an outdoor function, and I didn't fancy sitting indoors with a large group. I was looking forward to it but as you say a positive test would impact my consultant appointment and scan schedule even though my vaccine status would hopefully stop me from landing in ITU like many unvaccinated pregnant ladies sadly have done.

So if she knew about her husband having the covid test on Wednesday, means she knew someone tested positive at the stag do. When out with you Wednesday you noticed that she said she hoped her DH didn't have covid a few time. So she knew there was a chance he had covid and she failed to warn you. So you are completely right to be annoyed at her. She was selfish to meet you knowing that she could have potentially been exposed herself. Especially as you are heavily pregnant and unvaccinated.

Tricky one as you knew her and her DH are anti vaxxers and going about their daily lives still. So you knew she already posed a greater risk to you than someone who was vaccinated but you still chose to meet her for lunch.

It's like I could get a sickness bug every time I leave the house from touching things that other people had touched or using shared bathrooms etc. If a friend came round and didnt tell me her kids had been puking during the night I'd still be mad at them. Even though I could have caught it from anywhere. No wonder its spread so much if the onus is on people to avoid society rather than the people who are positive or likely to be positive staying at home a few days

Wow, you really want to blame your ‘friend’ for this don’t you.

I bet if your husband was cheating it would be at the forefront if your mind too. You don't sound particularly understanding or caring about your friends l

@DrinkFeckArseBrick

I cant believe your friend has possibly knowingly exposed you to covid but somehow it's your fault for not assuming that she would screw you over!

The key word is possibly, the OP doesn’t know if she knew. But she does know that neither of them are vaccinated and that covid is a thing.

Posted too soon

@missturnbullx

Hey just to say I was 34 weeks when I got covid! I'm unvaccinated and I felt a bit shitty for a week or so but was fine my husband was actually worse than me even tho I'm older (40) and in my 3rd trimester still was only like a mild flu tho for him

I know everyone reacts differently but if you were to get serious covid I think you would have more symptoms that just a sore throat by now

Also my household all caught it but my sisters household did not only 2 out of 3 got it there

It's not 100% even if your friend has it that you would catch it

@owlbethere

I can see why your impression on this post would seem that I was being self absorbed.

Her husband cheating is a regular thing. It is awful. I hate that this happens to her. But it is always me, every time that is the one there to pick up the pieces. This is friendship. I do this. And I don't ask or expect for anything in return. However, from a 32 year of friendship the friendship is all one sided. When I was cheated on by my ex partner when I was pregnant with my first and became a single mum, she was nowhere to be seen. That's just one example of many. I never get mad at her or argue that she isn't there for me when I need her, I just accept it and never say a thing to avoid the confrontation. I take her and her child everywhere as if her child was my own because if not they wouldn't go anywhere. I love her daughter to pieces. My friend doesn't work and doesn't drive. I choose to be the friend that I am and I have for years. Understandbly now, this is the final straw for me. Never ever do i get a thank you, never a thank you for taking my daughter XYZ places, never a thank you for staying on the phone to me at 3am when you have work the next day while I sob about my cheating husband.

I accept that I choose to do these things. But to withhold information from me that compromises my health and my child after the fact I've devoted so much time to her and her child is the final straw and if that makes me self absorbed, so be it. I am not sure if IABU or not. It's a chain of events and this is just the tip of the iceberg.

I have decided I will be distancing from this friendship now as there is too much of a build up of things. I have discussed these with my partner and he agrees. I genuinely feel like I'm not her friend, I'm her acquaintance and convenience. On days out, pre covid, with her and her daughter, I'd drive an hour, two hours to places with both of our children and her for a day out, not so much as a thank you, and then she would ask me to take her for a food shop so she didn't have to get a taxi... and I'd bloody do it. And looking back on all of this now, after what's happened this week I just cannot understand her mindset.

It is my fault regardless, I've allowed all of this to happen. So I guess it is unreasonable or self absorbed of me to rant now when it's all been happening under my nose for years.

If she knew he potentially had Covid and didn’t tell you before your visit, that is inexcusable. It doesn’t matter if you are vaccinated or low risk or of any particular status. She doesn’t have the right to decide for you if it’s safe for you to meet or not. She is obligated to provide the information to any potential close contacts. I’m honestly not sure I could continue the friendship.

At the moment though, you don’t actually know that she had any information ahead of your visit.

Bit of a non issue IMO. if you’re worried about being exposed to covid and have a high risk pregnancy, you need to not leave the house and get vaccinated. I only had the vaccine last week at 32 weeks pregnant but haven’t been socialising etc because I didn’t wanna put myself at risk.

It is my fault regardless, I've allowed all of this to happen. So I guess it is unreasonable or self absorbed of me to rant

indeed

@Porcupineintherough

I am sorry you are worried but if you have chosen not to be vaccinated and are choosing to socialize indoors then you are pretty much choosing to put yourself at risk of catching COVID. It seems unfair to look for a scapegoat at this point.

Spot on. Get vaccinated or stay at home. Seriously. People are dying because they can’t have vaccines and in this country everyone can have one (and was able to have one for months!) first world problems

You haven’t answered the question - why do you think she knew her husband was getting tested?

@8dpwoah I've done the same and cancelled a family event because I am due to go on Holiday shortly and desperately trying to minimize my risk of testing positive before I go and I am doubly jabbed.

There's no way if I was pregnant, unvaccinated, and going out socialising would I be blaming others if I was unlucky enough to catch it!

The friend sounds like she has enough on her plate.

@vanityfairsbackpage

You haven’t actually explained why you ‘can’t’ be vaccinated

She doesn’t have to explain.

People on here are being v nasty. Her friend obviously lied. Your Friend sounds self absorbed. Drop her and do yourself a huge favour.

Also OP, please don’t go out anymore if you are concerned about COVID. Lots of pregnant women have died from it. Excersise caution. Happy and healthy pregnancy to you.