To think I’m weird about my son?

[3ormorecharactersss]

He’s 9 months and my first. I hate being apart from him. I don’t want anyone else to look after him for any length of time. An hour or so yes, okay. My DH a little longer, but I don’t want to be separated from him for that long. Is that weird? I didn’t want children to be honest and the love I feel for him has rather knocked me off my perch. I didn’t realise it would be like this.

Is this normal? Everyone keeps telling me I need a proper break and to hand him over to a family member for a whole day (I’m EBF still so he’d need a bottle too) but I just don’t want to, the idea fills me with panic. And to be honest, I feel like if I did I’d just be wondering if he’s okay, missing me and upset (he’s very clingy at the moment) and I’d have sore boobs so what would be the point? If this has happened to you, when does it get easier? I don’t want to be one of those people who has nothing when their children grow up. I used to have a really good career and lots of hobbies, but my whole world is suddenly this tiny being and I’m totally lost in it all. I’m just so shocked at the strength of my feelings for this small human.

This was very rambled, sorry.

All totally normal and natural.

There's no rush just enjoy him - it all goes too fast.

Things will slowly naturally start to change anyway as he gets older.

Don't let anyone put you under any pressure.

You're fine, don't let anyone tell you you're not. He's a baby, he's not even one. I felt very similar, my first went to nursery at 13 months (max mat leave possible) and I was ok by then but at 9 months I hated leaving them. They change very fast in a few months and when they can walk around, use a few words etc it feels very different.

I don’t think anyone here can say. What you describe is not of itself right or wrong. I do worry about how knackered you say you are when in fact you might not need to be if you let dh do more.
But it just depends if you’re happy or if you’re actually overly anxious. None of us can tell you that - you need to question yourself and be honest with yourself.

Totally normal.

How you feel is quite normal. You will feel more able to let him go as time passes, honestly. Nine months is a lovely age, enjoy him as much as you can. In three months or so you will be able to bear being apart a bit longer and presumably you'll eventually return to work when everythng will slot in to place.

Screw some of the posters on here!

Enjoy your baby! If your lucky enough you don't have to go back to work for a while why not enjoy the time with your little boy

My DD was never with anyone else until she was well over a year! My family don't live close and I dont have to work (at the moment)
She is a super confident child who had no issues when starting nursery made little mates and is actually very independent

Her dad works so that I can be home (works for us) so he is very rarely at home alone with her but I'm not going to rush out the door so he can have time on his own with her that would just be odd
They have a great relationship!

And she's 4 by the way and not had a night away from me
I also don't think that's weird

Do whatever is right for you and your little boy. It doesn’t matter what other people think.
I EBF both mine for a year each and never really left them. Maybe to do weekly shop once they were older….but this would have been rare though. Happy with what I did. It worked for me and my kids. But realise it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.

@Hoppinggreen

No, I was more than happy to hand mine over to anyone vaguely responsible who offered

Hahahaha

Love this

Sounds absolutely normal. I’m sure once they’re older and you have another one you will be skipping out the door to have a break now and then.

Wait

Your husband doesn’t look after him?!??

Absolutely not weird at all. Please enjoy every single moment as they grow up so fast.

Presumably the husband doesn’t get the opportunity. She’s too anxious to be apart from the baby.

@3ormorecharactersss

Not that I think nursery is bad! I’m not judging, again I just have visions of him crying and feeling abandoned.

What about school?

@joystir59

As long as you understand that ultimately your role is to prepare him for his own independent life.

I was very much like this too with my ds.

He's now a fully independent 23 year old that turned out just fine.

If that's what is best for you, carry on.

@EspressoDoubleShot

Presumably the husband doesn’t get the opportunity. She’s too anxious to be apart from the baby.

Ooh

Yes. That could be problematic. The experience is for you both to share. Your husband needs to be able to soothe him. Otherwise if you’re rushed to hospital (I am. And often sadly).

But if he gets exactly the same amount of time. There’s no issue with it. My husband did all the night feeds. As soon as he got off work he spent nearly all evening doing things.

He’s young still. So he needs mummy for food etc. More than daddy obviously.

Nah, I think its well within the range of normal. I hated it too at that age but DS has grown up to be reasonably well adjusted.

Its not wrong to feel like this, but I think its cruel and selfish to deny your baby developing new relationships with other people. Even more so when its the Father of your baby.

It's fine, you are not creating a dependency, he's a baby . It's natural and normal. He doesn't need to socialise with others etc, please don't give it a second thought, you sound like a wonderful mum!

Our kids are 18,16 and 15 and we have never had a whole night away from them. We used to leave them at my parents and after we had put them to bed, would go out, get home later but be there for them in the morning. They have all stayed away from us but not vice versa.

If you’re feeling well rested and happy then that’s fine. If you catastrophise when away from him but are feeling exhausted and overly anxious but can’t take a break then that’s not so great.

I was over attached to my first which my mum thinks caused his ASD and RAD but I think he needed more attention because he wasn’t neurotypical and I saw that as a mother.

Totally normal, I felt similar. Interestingly it wore off quickly at 16 months when he entered the toddler stage which I despised! Suddenly I was very grateful for as much childcare as possible!

I think that this is not that unusual really .I think in the last years Women have been encouraged to leave Babies at younger and younger ages! If you dont want to then no one can make you .ATM just enjoy baby and have your time with him .

I was totally the same. It all turned out fine and I never had the anxiety of leaving them with someone else until I felt ok with it.
It would have been worse for me to have left them, not better and I knew that.
Instinct is a powerful thing and people love to think they know best

@3ormorecharactersss it dies sound a little too far past normal tbh. I hated leaving DD but I’m detecting slightly more severe anxiety in your posts. I’d suggest talking to your HV/GP or even just taking some tentative steps towards facing these anxieties yourself. It will do you and also your son a great deal of good in the long run.

I think it sounds lovely. Enjoy the feeling while it lasts.