To think I’m weird about my son?

[3ormorecharactersss]

He’s 9 months and my first. I hate being apart from him. I don’t want anyone else to look after him for any length of time. An hour or so yes, okay. My DH a little longer, but I don’t want to be separated from him for that long. Is that weird? I didn’t want children to be honest and the love I feel for him has rather knocked me off my perch. I didn’t realise it would be like this.

Is this normal? Everyone keeps telling me I need a proper break and to hand him over to a family member for a whole day (I’m EBF still so he’d need a bottle too) but I just don’t want to, the idea fills me with panic. And to be honest, I feel like if I did I’d just be wondering if he’s okay, missing me and upset (he’s very clingy at the moment) and I’d have sore boobs so what would be the point? If this has happened to you, when does it get easier? I don’t want to be one of those people who has nothing when their children grow up. I used to have a really good career and lots of hobbies, but my whole world is suddenly this tiny being and I’m totally lost in it all. I’m just so shocked at the strength of my feelings for this small human.

This was very rambled, sorry.

It's fine!
You do what you need to do.
You will know when you need more time to yourself.

Well done on BFibg.
He does need solids too though.

Another though. With DC1 I was very anxious that if someone else looked after him they wouldn't know to do things how i did. But someone pointed out that no one would be able to look after DC1 exactly how I did, and that was ok. It was very liberating and I think the fact that I remember it (despite having a terrible memory!) shows how helpful it was. I mean, it seems completely obvious now that I write it down, but it wasn't obvious to me at the time. Perhaps I felt anxious that DC1 would be distressed or harmed if I or others didn't do things "perfectly". Actually babies are pretty resilient and survive a bit of imperfection - thankfully, as none of us a perfect!

Typos
Another thought
None of us are perfect

@ohthatbloodycat
I'm genuinely happy to hear that. However, there's a big difference between a school aged child and a young toddler who doesn't understand he has allergies. One bite of another child's snack is a potential trip to A&E (or worse). However, he will be going to school and I obviously have to teach him to be independent and an advocate for himself. He's still so tiny though!

I didn't either - it's simply a strong mothering instinct. In baby group one mum told me 'you pop them out, whack them in a nursery and get on with your life' also told me I should be having at least 1 day a week to myself... All my alarm bells went off and the thought of it sent me into a panic - i didn't want to go back to work and leave him, I just wanted to be a mum (i was adamant I was never having kids!). Broke my heart going back when he was a year, constantly in tears and it didn't get better. I'm not geared up to be a working mum - my heart and soul is a home mum, baking and roses round the door sort of thing and trying to juggle it really broke me. I admire people that make it work because I really can't.

My 2nd even worse because my ex husband would pass her around like a freakin parcel even when she was crying for me and he wouldn't give her back. I was breastfeeding and he told me I was taking his right to feed her away so would keep her until she was so hungry she would bite really hard! Needless to say - she is ridiculously clingy and at nearly 10 and hates leaving my side (which is getting harder and harder as she gets older as her separation anxiety is opened up to more new situations like sleep overs with friends
which she wants to do but completely freaks out ) compared to my son who is independent and happy in his own company.

They are babies for such a short time - enjoy every second you can before they grow up! Never let anyone tell you it's not ok because it is a completely natural feeling. We just live in a world that tells you to ignore it and makes you live life in an unnatural way.

Again I see some of you are recalling your experience,your preferences and not referencing the op anxiety and that she’s not disclosing to her I how she really feels. Fortunately she’s going to see GP for an ax

It’s a thread about op anxiety and her husband worrying about her. It’s not a tell mumsnet about your baby days thread

Typo
She’s Not disclosing to her dh how she really feels

Hope it all works out OP. My sister in law has a baby the same age and she says about how much joy she gets from seeing how much others love her baby - so hopefully you can feel like that someday xx

@EspressoDoubleShot thank you for your continuing support. I keep coming back to this thread and reading it and wondering where I am at. I don’t know if any of these factors affect how I feel, but I was worried about SIDS when he was born. I had an accident whilst I was pregnant and thought I might have lost him. Pregnancy was awful, delivery was horrible. So I wonder if I do need to talk some bits through.

Thank you for your help, it really is appreciated x

I was worried about SIDS when he was born. I had an accident whilst I was pregnant and thought I might have lost him. Pregnancy was awful, delivery was horrible.

I think you're being really brave and honest. It could have been so easy to dismiss the feelings as normal, especially with so many responses on here saying just that. It sounds like you've had a really rough time of things, and talking to someone about your anxiety is a really positive step. It's not an easy or quick fix, but you've done the hardest part by realising something isn't quite right.

Thank you @Whinge ❤️ I think what some of you have been saying is right. That whilst the love and the connection are normal and great, the stress and anxiety are not, and that’s the bit I need to address. Otherwise I am going to struggle in the future for sure. And I don’t want to cause any issues for DS or DH, or myself. So small steps! Thank you x

"I had an accident whilst I was pregnant and thought I might have lost him. Pregnancy was awful, delivery was horrible."

Sorry to hear about your accident, pregnancy and birth You might find this organisation helpful:
www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/#

You’ve had a hard time emotionally and an accident too, that takes a cumulative toll
It is really great that you’re insightful and recognize something is a wee bit amiss. Let me reassure you it is really common to experience low mood and or anxiety in postnatal period. Encouragingly postnatal mental health is better monitored and GP are well skilled at support and signpost to other services.

With a combination of
Good Diet
Sleep
Medication
Support
You’ll be ok

You don’t need to be great or a supermum just good enough And remember your baby loves you

@3ormorecharactersss

Thank you *@Whinge* ❤️ I think what some of you have been saying is right. That whilst the love and the connection are normal and great, the stress and anxiety are not, and that’s the bit I need to address. Otherwise I am going to struggle in the future for sure. And I don’t want to cause any issues for DS or DH, or myself. So small steps! Thank you x

I'm so glad that you've kept sight of what brought you to make the OP. And your update gives an extra clue to what's going on for you.

You could easily have pushed those concerns down after reading all the fluffy posts, so I'm glad that you are making plans to address the anxiety. Being a mum will be even more pleasurable when the edge isn't taken off it by the needless worry!

All the best with it, OP.

I would say that as long as you're happy and feel ok about your mental and physical wellbeing overall, it's completely 'normal' and certainly healthy for your baby. Don't listen to people harping on the "making a rod for your own back..blah blah.. he'll never learn independence.." - absolute nonsense. The more secure his attachment to his primary caregiver, the more likely he'll be a happy, adjusted adult. But NOT to say a bit of time out for you isn't also fine - I'm v different with my baby.. start feeling a bit claustrophobic and trapped if I'm with him completely 24/7 so really value time out swimming, hanging out with friends (just adults!) occasionally etc. But we and are children are all different, and a very valuable lesson to learn as a parent is to plough your own path and filter out the judgement of others as much as possible.

Sorry OP - should have read the whole thread.. tricky with a baby crawling on me! Sounds like the overall picture is difficult for you and I'm sorry for that. You are not alone. Pregnancy and birth and breastfeeding are physically and mentally brutal and many of us struggle badly with anxiety, depression etc. Talk talk talk and I hope you find good support IRL.

I felt like this about my first (ie the depth of feeling) , but in no way did it stop me from handing over to either set of grandparents so I coud go somewhere or go for an overnight stay!
I breast fed, but because I went back to work when he was 3 months old this turned into mixed feeding - breast morning and bed time, bottles during the day. He was absolutely fine, I was absolutely fine ( after the initial fear/doubt) and never looked back. Had no such qualms with my younger two!

It's completely normal to feel like this. Enjoy it because they grow so quick!

FYI to those commenting - there's nothing wrong with a child being EBF at 9 months ❤️

I had postnatal OCD and felt a bit like this. My first baby was very preterm and I was very protective over him..I didnt leave him with my mum until he was walking, so 17 months old. I think he picked up on my anxiety too. Sometimes even the thought of someone else taking care of him made me feel sick. I was expressing long term but not breastfeeding, it was the thought of not knowing what he was doing and if I wasn't there if he suddenly got sick, that's what worried me. I needed help from my GP in the end and I became more relaxed. I had to because I knew eventually he would start preschool and school. He is 9 now and my anxiety is completely gone, has been since I sought help from my GP.

@rachelsimpson90 it’s not normal what the op is experiencing, it’s far from enjoyable. she’s seeing her GP. She is anxious,it’s impacting significantly, she’s had a ghastly set of events. This is not the regular protective new mum emotions. Op hasn’t disclosed to her husband the extent of how she feels.

Do Read the op recent posts

Is it really necessary to take time out of your day to make an arsey comment when someone is trying to be nice? If I was being nasty I could understand but come on?

@rachelsimpson90

Is it really necessary to take time out of your day to make an arsey comment when someone is trying to be nice? If I was being nasty I could understand but come on?

It's not an arsey comment. I was about to post something similar. If you're going to give someone advice, you really need to read their posts (all of them) carefully. It's really important because otherwise someone like the OP might not get the help that she needs.

It's worth bearing in mind.

@rachelsimpson90

Is it really necessary to take time out of your day to make an arsey comment when someone is trying to be nice? If I was being nasty I could understand but come on?

...and trying to be nice isn't helpful if you haven't checked whether what you've said is appropriate.

It's really important because otherwise someone like the OP might not get the help that she needs.

Exactly. There have been so many comments telling the OP it's normal, ignore anyone who says otherwise, it's the sign of a good bond etc. The OP posted because she's worried and anxious. Telling her everything is ok could have easily meant she ignored those worries, and continued to hide how she was feeling from her partner.

@Rachel you didn’t read the thread and made some inappropriate asinine comments. You wrote a breezy post and it was evident you have not read the thread

This isn’t about you
No one is being nasty to you
Now let’s get back on track, to the op and supporting her