Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're child free and staying overnight with friends who have young children, what time do you get up?

240 replies

Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:21

A friend stayed over last night and is still in bed with no sign of stirring. A different child-free friend who stayed with us slept until 10.30.

We're unfortunately up at 6am and would usually have eaten breakfast by 8 and be thinking about what to do with our Sunday now.

I'm probably being precious, genuinely wondering if this is poor form? Pre-kid we'd set an alarm for 8 and definitely be up by 9 if staying with friends with young children.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 22/08/2021 14:04

And I would have checked their preferences for milk etc and any other nutritional requirements when we made the arrangement for them to stay

SquirryTheSquirrel · 22/08/2021 14:08

Love having visitors but hate this kind of uncertainly

Yes - all that's needed is communication. Ask them when they want breakfast - or, if you have plans that need them to be up on time, be clear about this - 'we'll need to be ready to leave by 10, would you like me to wake you if you're not up by 9?'

Amillionnc · 22/08/2021 14:21

Velcropawz I haven’t taken children out of the equation. I meant regardless of which party has children, hosts or guests, they should feel comfortable.

Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 14:25

@Amillionnc

Velcropawz I haven’t taken children out of the equation. I meant regardless of which party has children, hosts or guests, they should feel comfortable.
Totally with you on that Amillionnc Smile
ConfusedParticle · 22/08/2021 14:34

I would imagine it would already have been discussed, arranged.
I wouldn't expect a lie-in at anyone's house unless they were doing it, too.
Kids don't factor into it, for me, and I don't have children.

btw I would like to add that I really dislike the term 'child free', it smacks of regarding children as a burden. As someone who hasn't had any, I can't imagine why the fuck someone would refer to them that way like we might do with smoking or drugs.

jimmyjammy001 · 22/08/2021 14:43

Can't see anyone has mentioned what time they went to bed?! If it was 6am then let them sleep, if it was 10pm then go wake them up

JanisJ · 22/08/2021 14:54

I think it completely depends on so many things. You should probably discuss it the night before if you're hoping they'll be up for a certain time.

We're child free and can easily lie in til 11 on weekends!

We stayed over a friends a few weeks ago and he was still asleep at midday. He works a combination of day/night shifts so needs to get sleep in when he can.

We got up at about 10.30 and got the coffee on.

No rules here unless you've discussed needing to be up for a certain time.

IntermittentParps · 22/08/2021 15:02

If you didn't make a plan for today then why are you wondering?
Agree. If you haven't made plans/agreed a getting-up time, you can't then moan if they don't read your minds and get up when you want them to.

WomanStanleyWoman · 22/08/2021 15:05

And one person's "bitching on the Internet" is another person's "answering the question the op posed and joining in the discussion" if that's OK with you?

It’s the OP who’s bitching about them on the internet. Why have you taken my comment as a knock at you?

SunbathingDragon · 22/08/2021 15:07

I think you should have told them in advance what time you wanted them to get up and decided on the plans beforehand.

Hemingwaycat · 22/08/2021 15:09

I do think it’s rude, yes. I wouldn’t expect them to wake as early as 6 but I wouldn’t expect them to stay in bed 5+ hours longer than you. I’ve had children for so long I can’t remember what it’s like to stay in bed past maybe 9am really so I can’t relate to your friend but I think it’s rude to laze around in bed in someone else’s house when they’re already up and about. I’d just carry on with your day though, I wouldn’t let her sleeping schedule dictate the day.

WomanStanleyWoman · 22/08/2021 15:10

@ConfusedParticle

I would imagine it would already have been discussed, arranged. I wouldn't expect a lie-in at anyone's house unless they were doing it, too. Kids don't factor into it, for me, and I don't have children.

btw I would like to add that I really dislike the term 'child free', it smacks of regarding children as a burden. As someone who hasn't had any, I can't imagine why the fuck someone would refer to them that way like we might do with smoking or drugs.

Because the alternative is ‘childless’ - which is often seen as a state to be pitied. All too many people see the ‘childless’ as unlucky or tragic, because they either didn’t find someone with whom to have children, or were infertile or otherwise medically unable.

‘Child-free’ suggests an element of choice. I don’t have children because I don’t want them, as is the case for millions of others - what’s wrong with having a term that acknowledges that?

saraclara · 22/08/2021 15:13

What's the point in going to stay with friends if you have little intention of spending the available time with them?

When I hear them get up, I give them time to do what they need to do (though none of my friends have young children so it's not going to be that early), then surface myself. It seems really rude to prioritise lying in bed over their company.

maofteens · 22/08/2021 15:19

When I have guests we discuss plans the day before (if I have guests the plans usually involve them) and also what time they usually get up. Then I leave out the breakfast things before I go to bed and tell them to help themselves if they are up before me.
When I stay at one relatives house I know her partner enjoys cooking everyone breakfast so when I was there with my young kids I'd get them a small bowl if cereal to tide them over as we would inevitably be up before them. Now my kids are teens we all wait until our host gets into gear - I empty the dishwasher and lay the table etc while we are waiting.

MoiraRose4 · 22/08/2021 15:20

I’d expect a plan to have been discussed this night before in order to avoid this problem. Then it would depend on that plan and on how hungover I was.

Megameg56 · 22/08/2021 15:27

Ah,I would love to stay with you😀.I am an early riser(always since ever I was a child to now I am 60)I had countless boring mornings at other peoples houses.tiptoeing in the house,so not to wake up people who sleep til 11am!!! I end up always making breakfast and by the time people are actually ready to go out and enjoy the day(between 1pmand 2pm),I feel like an afternoon nap😀.

BoredZelda · 22/08/2021 15:38

I’d get up when I want to. If there’s an early plan I’d get up in time for that.

If I have guests they can get up when they want to.

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 22/08/2021 15:43

I’d make them a bacon and egg sandwich and a cup of tea, knock on their door and tell them we’re heading out soon. I’d ask them to lock up and post the key.
But, I can only imagine really close friends like ex housemates or people we’ve been friends with for years, or family ever staying over like that.

Pinkfluffyunicornsandrainbows · 22/08/2021 15:51

I would just get on with my day and leave them until they wake/get up. I would find it rude to knock on the door even if it was to bring in a cuppa, they obviously don't need a drink if they're sleeping and it'll be obvious you've brought them one to try to make them get up. You can't dictate to someone what time they should be up by, different if you all arrange things to do and plan that they would be up for a certain time to get ready. Guests being in bed shouldn't be a problem, they don't have children to get up with and as it's a Sunday they probably want a lie in. If you go out then you can leave them a note and they can contact you on the phone when they get up.

TheStoic · 22/08/2021 15:56

This is officially the most English thread ever.

My guests get up when they want, they make do with whatever food is available if they want it.

We would never think to discuss what time they plan to get up the next day, whether or not I had kids.

Bunnycat101 · 22/08/2021 15:58

I am envious of their lie-in. I’d kill to be able to do that again. Before children we’d have lazy Sunday’s with lie-Ins and would get out of bed for lunch. Now I’ve had kids, my body clock has been altered so much.

If you really need to get the kids out, you could have just said last night that you might need to take them out for a bit of exercise so don’t freak out if we’re gone- just grab yourself some breakfast when you’re up.

gingercat02 · 22/08/2021 16:03

We generally only stay with family or old friends we have known since uni. Kids are all teens (or older) now but when they were little, people got up with their own kids, fed them, made tea/coffee and the hosts do a full fry up brunch once everyone is showered and dressed. Luckily we all love a lazy Sunday

emilylily · 22/08/2021 16:04

I think 9.30 is probably okay really, 10am is maybe a bit late if you know friends/relatives are getting up extremely early (honestly anything pre-8am is very early if you don't have kids).

Next time make sure to talk to your friends and say you'll probably plan to do something early and ask if they'd like to come with you or not.

Inthesameboat22 · 22/08/2021 16:24

@Grundoncalling, what happened in the end??

ChikiTIKI · 22/08/2021 16:25

Cant believe you waited that many hours between getting up and eating breakfast!!!! How did you all manage?

I am pregnant right now so would start vomiting after an hour of no food after getting up but even putting that aside i would feel awful and my kids just wouldnt be able to wait.

Swipe left for the next trending thread