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AIBU?

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Original poster

You're child free and staying overnight with friends who have young children, what time do you get up?

240 replies

Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:21

A friend stayed over last night and is still in bed with no sign of stirring. A different child-free friend who stayed with us slept until 10.30.

We're unfortunately up at 6am and would usually have eaten breakfast by 8 and be thinking about what to do with our Sunday now.

I'm probably being precious, genuinely wondering if this is poor form? Pre-kid we'd set an alarm for 8 and definitely be up by 9 if staying with friends with young children.

OP posts:
Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 09:49

I would try and fit in with my hosts routine, especially if they had young DC, so I'd give you some space with the DC at 6 am (or offer you help having spoken about it the night before - depends on our relationship) , maybe dive downstairs, say hello and get a coffee & a piece of toast a bit before 7 am, then shower and be ready to go by 8 am at the latest. I remember having guests when DC were small and it's a bit of a killer. Nothing worse than waiting around for a guest to be ready, having to make breakfast half way through the morning when you have cleared up everyone else's breakfast ages ago, the dc getting fractious because they need to go out, then guests not being ready for lunch when the DC are hungry for their main meal of the day and guests being out of kilter with everyone else for the rest of the day. People need to have consideration for their hosts when they are accepting hospitality. Obviously, bit different if it's close family staying but even then it's a pita if people don't fit in with the rythym of the house. I've experienced it the other way around too where we (the hosts) have arrived back from travelling abroad at 2.30 am and our guest was up at 5 am clanking pans!

LynseyLoses · 22/08/2021 09:50

I'd leave them some bits to out together their own breakfast and get on with my day. Leave them a note and a key if you want to go out.

KineticSand · 22/08/2021 09:50

I love it when guests have a long sleep/ lie in when they stay at mine. My aim as a host is that people are relaxed and will feel well rested and chilled out by the time they leave. Guests having a big sleep is a sign of all that, to me.

bellsbuss · 22/08/2021 09:51

When we have child free guests come to stay unless we have plans I don't care what time they get up. Our younger children we will give them a light breakfast then have a big brunch later on when our guests are ready for it.

cameocat · 22/08/2021 09:51

I don't mind, breakfast I'd have with my children and let them get their own when they get up. Unless we have plans.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/08/2021 09:52

I would find this annoying too OP, as with our children we'd like to get out of the house and would feel stuck in waiting for them to get up. It's especially hard if people won't be staying the day but lie in with a view to leaving late morning as we end up having lost a morning hanging round waiting while they sleep.

How I would usually manage this with family/close friends is to chat to people the night before, explain that our kids are up early and that we would usually give them breakfast at 8/8.30, but that if they prefer a lie in we can leave them a selection of food on the counter but that we might head out for a bit in the morning, and that when they are ready to go they can pull the door behind them and it locks.

Tbf though, most of our friends are polite and would make an appearance by about 9am or so, thus facilitating us having a chat about plans for the day.

StrangeToSee · 22/08/2021 09:54

Also depends what the set up is. If they have an en-suite and kettle in the guestroom they might prefer to have their first coffee if the day in bed. Then shower, brush teeth and dress instead of facing everyone in their PJs. Lots of our guests come down fully dressed and wide awake. That’s fine. PJs also fine. If we’re going somewhere I’d let them know the night before what time we need to leave. Also not everyone eats breakfast.

If you’re all sharing a bathroom they might be waiting for their turn to use it, thinking you want to shower first?

I find it helps to reassure guests on arrival about this stuff (the hot water won’t run out, they can shower any time they want even midnight as it won’t wake anyone, they can go to bed and get up when they want.

I try to be quiet downstairs if guests are sleeping, eg not letting DC make a racket or have the TV on loud.

Mintjulia · 22/08/2021 09:55

Did you tell them what time they should be up?

Go in with a cup of tea.

Original poster
Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:56

We used to get up by 9 so we could share breakfast and see the people we were visiting. Definitely not expecting anyone to be up at 6 or provide childcare. We went to bed at 11.

We'll just do breakfast now. No plans but we would like to go out today, I'll take them a tea and take kids to the park if there's no shift by 10.30

OP posts:
StrangeToSee · 22/08/2021 09:57

People need to have consideration for their hosts when they are accepting hospitality

Agree, but I also think guests should be treated with respect, after all they made the effort to travel to come and see you. They’re in an unfamiliar home, maybe feeling awkward or shy or not knowing your routine, not wanting to bother you etc.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/08/2021 09:59

This is one of those things that really flags up the morning people vs the evening people.

I don't really know any adults who aren't up by 8.30 every day as in my circle the norm is that we all have to be at work by 9am, and on weekends lots have golf/tennis/cycling etc in the morning! It's quite normal to find it hard to shift your wake up time constantly, so if you have to be up on weekdays you end up waking early on weekends too, even if you have been up late. I can't remember the last time I woke up any later than 8am, even if out until 3am.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/08/2021 10:00

Weird for adults to need to sleep for nearly 12 hours. Are they elderly/unwell?

Original poster
Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 10:00

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

I would find this annoying too OP, as with our children we'd like to get out of the house and would feel stuck in waiting for them to get up. It's especially hard if people won't be staying the day but lie in with a view to leaving late morning as we end up having lost a morning hanging round waiting while they sleep.

How I would usually manage this with family/close friends is to chat to people the night before, explain that our kids are up early and that we would usually give them breakfast at 8/8.30, but that if they prefer a lie in we can leave them a selection of food on the counter but that we might head out for a bit in the morning, and that when they are ready to go they can pull the door behind them and it locks.

Tbf though, most of our friends are polite and would make an appearance by about 9am or so, thus facilitating us having a chat about plans for the day.

This is exactly it, I feel a bit stuck. No plans made but we'd always aim to 'do' something and it feels like we're just kicking about.

I said that kids would be up early but didn't announce when we'd do breakfast/thinm about going out. In future we'll just communicate our intentions better.

OP posts:
Original poster
Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 10:01

Not elderly or unwell

OP posts:
TedMullins · 22/08/2021 10:02

Leave them to it until they get up. Getting up early isn’t a sign of moral superiority! Why does having kids mean you have to be out of the house so early, what’s wrong with a day chilling in the house? That said, if you want to go out, just leave them a note and go.

Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 10:02

Agree, but I also think guests should be treated with respect, after all they made the effort to travel to come and see you. They’re in an unfamiliar home, maybe feeling awkward or shy or not knowing your routine, not wanting to bother you etc.

Totally agree with this of course! The respect and consideration should go both ways. And yes, travelling to see someone is onerous in its own way.

A lot of people don't host nowadays though and believe me, it's apparent when you host a lot, that some people have no appreciation of how hard it can be, especially when you have young DC and perhaps broken nights thrown in too.

StrangeToSee · 22/08/2021 10:03

Go in with a cup of tea

Isn’t that a bit intrusive? What if they’re sleeping naked or quietly having sex or simply get a huge fright by you walking in on them asleep?

Plus our guestroom has a lock, I tell guests to use it if they want to as our DC are still little and sometimes mistake the guestroom for their playroom (which it is in between guests). Nobody wants a 4 year old charging in at 5am!

SimonJT · 22/08/2021 10:03

Whenever I wake up. I wouldn’t expect guests to fit in with my usual schedule.

owlbethere · 22/08/2021 10:06

Depends how late you went to bed lol

SmidgenofaPigeon · 22/08/2021 10:06

I wouldn’t just go in with a cup of tea! Even if you do a quick knock they might be changing or, if it’s a couple, having some intimate time (cue some mumsnetters being scandalised about how rude that is when you’re a guest in someone’s home Grin)

You could text. ‘Hey, pot of coffee on, want to join us for one or shall I bring to you?’

They can ignore it if they are pretending to be asleep.

StrangeToSee · 22/08/2021 10:10

A lot of people don't host nowadays though and believe me, it's apparent when you host a lot, that some people have no appreciation of how hard it can be, especially when you have young DC and perhaps broken nights thrown in too

True, I used to seethe when jet-lagged FIL got up at 4am and started banging around unloading the dishwasher, which woke the baby. But he thought he was being helpful and even offered to look after baby while I went back to bed.

I only invite guests I know well and 99% of them muck in with chores without being asked, cook without being asked etc. They have the guest keys so can go for their morning run at dawn if that’s their routine.

But I think hosts have to make everything very clear as many people don’t know what to do or when to get up in someone else’s home.

Nirnroot · 22/08/2021 10:11

I'm childless but also I appreciate I'm probably not the norm as I'm a morning person who wakes up naturally for roughly 6:30/7am daily. I'm the opposite where I hate staying with people who don't have kids as I lie there for hours in bed awake waiting for them to get up.

If I was staying at someone else's house and I heard them get up I'd probably get up and go down to sit with them. I do agree with others in that you have to be considerate of your host when staying, I really wouldn't expect anyone to be in bed past 9:30.

category12 · 22/08/2021 10:14

If you do a tea, you obviously knock not just walk in, or knock and leave it outside their door. Hmm

But I think you're being a bit demanding, it's Sunday morning fgs. Just potter around, take the kids to the park, go to church whatever and catch up with them when they show their faces.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2021 10:14

I think it is rude to still be in bed at 10 if you went to bed at 11. Not so bad if one of a couple surfaces as you can communicate with them. Dh invited some “friends” to join us on our holiday once for a few days. They paid zero btw. Didn’t get up until 11.30 or later. Twats. Struggled to get rid of them. He didn’t want to appear rude 🙄

afghanistanwhatnow · 22/08/2021 10:17

I honestly think you should chill OP. If you don't have plans for the day what's the issue?

And if there is an issue you should have set your rules down before they came.

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