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AIBU?

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Original poster

You're child free and staying overnight with friends who have young children, what time do you get up?

240 replies

Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:21

A friend stayed over last night and is still in bed with no sign of stirring. A different child-free friend who stayed with us slept until 10.30.

We're unfortunately up at 6am and would usually have eaten breakfast by 8 and be thinking about what to do with our Sunday now.

I'm probably being precious, genuinely wondering if this is poor form? Pre-kid we'd set an alarm for 8 and definitely be up by 9 if staying with friends with young children.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2021 11:50

Oh and some days they didn’t surface until 1pm. 11.30 was ‘early’

WomanStanleyWoman · 22/08/2021 11:50

@beingsunny

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

So because you don’t do it, you’re confused by the very idea that someone else might?
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/08/2021 11:51

@beingsunny

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

At the moment my sleep pattern is fucked and can't fall asleep earlier than 1 am, but it often is 3 am. So I sleep in late instead. Because I can.
icedcoffees · 22/08/2021 11:51

@beingsunny

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

What's your point?
Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 11:55

[quote MyDcAreMarvel]**@StrangeToSee* The only thing I don’t like is if guests let their DC come down but stay in bed expecting me to watch them (I tell them they need to go back and wake mummy/daddy up!)* I can see why you wrote guests not friends! If you were up anyway why would you do that on some sort of selfish principle?[/quote]
I've had close family members do this and of course you all muck in together and help one another out, but trust me, it gets a bit wearing if you are the one hosting, having cleaned, shopped for food, cooked, cleared up after cooking, and taken time out of your day to drive them around, and then they expect you to look after their dc too!
Lots of times we've agreed in advance which adults would do the early shift though, while the others rest, and that's fine. As long as everyone mucks in. In my experience, it's often the same people looking after dc, and the same people sleeping.

Of course you want visitors to feel at home, relax and have a nice stay, and I was happy to look after their dc w for a couple of mornings, alongside mine. We always offer to take visiting kids out with us a couple of times as well, to give their parents a rest when we are not all heading out together. But considerate guests will reciprocate and not expect it to be all one way. Sorry to say, but after years of hosting (live abroad) some are more considerate than others.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 22/08/2021 12:02

If it matters to you, you should really make it clear the night before.

"We need to go out at 9am so I will be doing breakfast at 8am"

Or

"We're early risers but don't expect you to get up with us, I'll give you a knock about 9 if you aren't up already"

If they aren't up and it is bothering you, make a bit of low key noise and then get the kettle on, knock on the door and ask if they would prefer tea or coffee.

dottydodah · 22/08/2021 12:07

I would wait until about 10 and pop in with a coffee .Then a "hope you slept well" and ask what they fancy doing .

Excelthetube · 22/08/2021 12:08

I would love someone to bring me coffee in bed!

pinkcircustop · 22/08/2021 12:09

Why should they have to get up at the crack of dawn just because you do?

Terhou · 22/08/2021 12:09

I think it's quite a good idea to say the night before something like "We normally have breakfast at around 9, see you then".

Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 12:12

It's absolutely nothing to do about moral judgements or being po-faced, I think that's quite an unkind thing to say. It's all about practicalities and trying to balance the needs of your own young dc, and those of your guests. Which can be a bit stressful frankly.

If you want the same sort of experience that you would get in a chain hotel, eg the choice to lie in late and put a "do not disturb" sign on your door, then go and stay in one of them and not in a family home with very young dc.

MrsMercury · 22/08/2021 12:13

what time did they eventually get up at op?

Howshouldibehave · 22/08/2021 12:14

I don’t think I ever stayed with anyone with young children before I had them! I like/d my sleep far too much.

If it bothers you that guests sleep in which your day, and it’s happened before, why didn’t you talk about plans for the day last night?!

grapewine · 22/08/2021 12:14

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30

Me. I have insomnia and rarely sleep before 4am during the week. That basically means zero sleep before the weekend.

icedcoffees · 22/08/2021 12:15

It's absolutely nothing to do about moral judgements or being po-faced, I think that's quite an unkind thing to say. It's all about practicalities and trying to balance the needs of your own young dc, and those of your guests. Which can be a bit stressful frankly.

If you find it stressful, don't offer to host in the first place!

MolyHolyGuacamole · 22/08/2021 12:16

@beingsunny

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

🏅🏅🏅

Also, did you miss the part that the quest doesn't have children? So not sure why you've made this point but to compete with lack of a lie in?

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 12:16

"If you want the same sort of experience that you would get in a chain hotel, eg the choice to lie in late and put a "do not disturb" sign on your door, then go and stay in one of them and not in a family home with very young dc."

Or maybe your friends will just not come to see you instead. You can't have a good lie in in a hotel if you're only staying one night anyway as check-out is usually in the morning.

OutIsay · 22/08/2021 12:17

And this is why I don't stay over with people. Unwritten expectations. I would far rather just stay in a hotel.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 12:17

@icedcoffees

It's absolutely nothing to do about moral judgements or being po-faced, I think that's quite an unkind thing to say. It's all about practicalities and trying to balance the needs of your own young dc, and those of your guests. Which can be a bit stressful frankly.

If you find it stressful, don't offer to host in the first place!

Or just explain that the guest will have to get up early, preferably before you arrange for them to stay.
Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 12:18

@OutIsay

And this is why I don't stay over with people. Unwritten expectations. I would far rather just stay in a hotel.
I stay with people who can use their words.
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/08/2021 12:19

@Velcropaws

It's absolutely nothing to do about moral judgements or being po-faced, I think that's quite an unkind thing to say. It's all about practicalities and trying to balance the needs of your own young dc, and those of your guests. Which can be a bit stressful frankly.

If you want the same sort of experience that you would get in a chain hotel, eg the choice to lie in late and put a "do not disturb" sign on your door, then go and stay in one of them and not in a family home with very young dc.

Actually it depends on how easy going both parties are and how much they like eachother.
icedcoffees · 22/08/2021 12:20

Or just explain that the guest will have to get up early, preferably before you arrange for them to stay.

That would just be sensible!

MyOtherProfile · 22/08/2021 12:21

Lesson learnt, I guess. Next time discuss what happens the next morning before you all go to bed.

nonevernotever · 22/08/2021 12:21

I'm childless and try to fit in with my hosts, so get up when I hear them moving around. Also love playing with kids, so that would be an extra incentive for me. When we're hosting though, I prefer to leave guests to sleep as long as they want. DH prefers to knock/take them a cup of tea once we're up. I used to think this was because it was his family who were staying, but actually he does it with everyone. He does usually wait until about 9 though.

Newmumatlast · 22/08/2021 12:27

@StrangeToSee

People need to have consideration for their hosts when they are accepting hospitality

Agree, but I also think guests should be treated with respect, after all they made the effort to travel to come and see you. They’re in an unfamiliar home, maybe feeling awkward or shy or not knowing your routine, not wanting to bother you etc.

I am of the same view.

To be honest I think if there are certain expectations as to when you need someone up by or to have left by, you should say when discussing them staying in the first place. So for us I would say we are usually up any time from 6am to 8am but I wouldnt expect them to be up unless they want to be. However I would say that we usually go out around 10am so they may want to aim to leave then or join us doing xyz. That way if they arent keen they can choose to stay elsewhere and we arent left seething because we are stuck in. You might assume every guest would get up at a certain time but you can never be sure and I personally think if hosting, the focus is more on the guest being comfortable