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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're child free and staying overnight with friends who have young children, what time do you get up?

240 replies

Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:21

A friend stayed over last night and is still in bed with no sign of stirring. A different child-free friend who stayed with us slept until 10.30.

We're unfortunately up at 6am and would usually have eaten breakfast by 8 and be thinking about what to do with our Sunday now.

I'm probably being precious, genuinely wondering if this is poor form? Pre-kid we'd set an alarm for 8 and definitely be up by 9 if staying with friends with young children.

OP posts:
yikesanotherbooboo · 22/08/2021 11:18

I would be up at 8 or so as long as I knew my guests were up.

Eralos · 22/08/2021 11:19

Have you made plans? Let your mate sleep! It’s a holiday not a gulag.

grapewine · 22/08/2021 11:21

With no plans, I'd wake up at 9am and have a shower and dress, so I'd be down between 9.30am and 10am. Plans would have been discussed the evening before.

If you want to go out, just leave a note and go.

grapewine · 22/08/2021 11:22

Do you not like your house? Being able to have a leisurely start to the day and not rush out is what Sundays are all about to me!

Yep, same here.

MyDcAreMarvel · 22/08/2021 11:23

@StrangeToSee The only thing I don’t like is if guests let their DC come down but stay in bed expecting me to watch them (I tell them they need to go back and wake mummy/daddy up!) I can see why you wrote guests not friends! If you were up anyway why would you do that on some sort of selfish principle?

Velcropaws · 22/08/2021 11:30

@grapewine

Do you not like your house? Being able to have a leisurely start to the day and not rush out is what Sundays are all about to me!

Yep, same here.

Oh I kind of assumed that this was about guests staying in a household with very young dcs, under six or seven years old. Ime you might as well get out and about with them in the morning because they don't really allow you to have good quality relaxation at home. They usually play by themselves better after they have blown the steam off a bit.
TillyTopper · 22/08/2021 11:30

It depends what you did last night. If you went out til late or sat around drinking/chatting til late then no I wouldn't expect people to be up. It is sensible to have an approx time agreed beforehand though - if you regularly have visitors why not mentioned it the night before.

tenterden · 22/08/2021 11:32

If you had expectations of getting up and going out on a Sunday morning I would have expected you to communicate those to me tbh.

Was there no discussion about what you were all going to do today? What time they were leaving? Plans for the rest of the weekend?

Maybe next time make it clear to visitors that you want to be up and out by X time.

WomanStanleyWoman · 22/08/2021 11:34

If I stayed the night at someone’s house and thought they were getting po-faced about me not being out of bed by 9.30, it would be the last time I stayed there. It’s a Sunday with friends, not prison or a 1950s youth hostel. Of course there has to be some consideration on both sides - I wouldn’t lounge in bed until gone midday in someone else’s house - but huffing and puffing at 9.30? That’s not being much of a host.

I also find it interesting that you make your friend’s childlessness the key point of the post. Is this a ‘Humph - well some of us don’t get to lie in bed all day’ kind of post?

fourminutestosavetheworld · 22/08/2021 11:35

I'd get up when I heard that other people were up and about, or about 9, whichever was the latest. I certainly wouldn't expect to have a leisurely lie-in until late morning if I was there to see friends - surely it's a given that you'll be doing something together today. I don't think you need to worry about breakfast though op - they're obviously not bothered, so just direct them to the fridge and let them sort themselves out when they emerge.

Mreggsworth · 22/08/2021 11:36

My friends and her toddler come and stay with me often.

She is up usually at 6, or at a push 7 with him. On a weekend I usually sleep till 09:30. I compromise and set my alarm for about 8:30. However often she just comes knocking to wake me up as shes bored, I grumble for a moment then get up.

I don't think there is etiquette as such in this situation just maybe have a conversation about what works for everyone

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/08/2021 11:37

Also, what time did YOU go to bed?

Went to stay with a friend and she'd go up at 8 pm with the baby and stay upstairs. I'd stay up later playing board games with her older kids, or watching a film with her husband, or reading etc. Often I didn't even made it to my room until 10:30 /11 and then stayed up a bit longer on my ipad.

TempleofZoom · 22/08/2021 11:38

Have you made plans? Let your mate sleep! It’s a holiday not a gulag.

Exactly
If people are tired just leave them in peace.
I loathe people who have this nasty moral code regarding others sleep habits.
12 hours? So what?
They are obviously tired or shagging

beingsunny · 22/08/2021 11:38

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

LakieLady · 22/08/2021 11:41

I'm one of nature's larks, so I'm usually up by 7, 8 at the latest.

If I'm staying with friends who are late risers, I make a cuppa and take it back to bed and stay there reading until a more respectable hour.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 22/08/2021 11:43

@Tigertealeaves

I'd be Hmm if someone expected me to get up at 9am 'just because' without having made a plan. That's a lie in to a parent but not to anyone else!

You can take them in a cup of tea if you want to gently test the waters...

I had a friend do this once, waltzed it at 7 with a fucking cup of tea that I didn't ask for and don't drink, she was making a point. She's awake so everyone needs to be awake. Doesn't have kids either, but annoying demanding dogs, so is up at the crack of dawn. I've never stayed over since.

I'm up ridiculously early every single morning for work, my weekend lie in is precious to me.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 22/08/2021 11:44

That being said, I'm usually up by 9.

Starjammer · 22/08/2021 11:45

If it's DH's brother, he would surface some time around lunchtime Grin

I don't think 9.20 is that late really for a weekend and someone without kids. Pre-DD that would have been a relatively early start to a weekend!

llmk · 22/08/2021 11:46

Poor communication.

Why did you not discuss what would happen today before going to bed?

Also I'm a bit confused as to why you posted at 9:30 that you usually would have eaten breakfast by 8am - surely you can eat in your own house?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 22/08/2021 11:47

I’ve often been in this situation, and tend to ask what time is best to get up so we’re not all scrambling for the bathroom at the same time!

Jumpingintosummer · 22/08/2021 11:48

Communication is key. 10.30 is a reasonable time to get up on a Sunday and still be out the house for noon.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2021 11:48

@Gwenhwyfar

" Didn’t get up until 11.30 or later. Twats. "

Twats for having a lie-in on holiday. What's the point of a holiday if you have to get up earlier or the same time as you do to go to work?
What problem did it cause you?

Um if their behaviour in general didn’t cause issue, I wouldn’t have called them twats. They had just had 10 nights free at someone else’s house in the coast and came straight to us - in France btw. So they’d already had a bloody good holiday and plenty of time to relax. Help around the place was minimal and with 2 more mouths to feed it was a lot more work, not to mention the cost and the place was £3k. They cooked once but I did all the prep and boasted about how they had so many friends, chain smoked, wouldn’t look after dd for an hour so I could rest (I am not a well person albeit my health was better than now), then wouldn’t leave on the agreed day / time. And when I suggested they invite us to stay seeing as they both had a flat each near Paris - not yet living together they refused. ‘Dh’, who is rather childish and struggles to see when I’m not well ended up having to call an ambulance. I was stressed, exhausted and not eating properly and what the hospital thought was probably had a non epileptic seizure. Not had once since. So yes, twats.

In my experience, having hosted a lot, considerate people, are those, who discuss and agree in advance and do what they say. Others not so much so albeit this is the most extreme.

CommanderBurnham · 22/08/2021 11:49

Yes. Should have made the plans beforehand.

If you do wake them up then at least take up a brew.

Or just let the kids play loudly. They'll soon appear.

Ellmau · 22/08/2021 11:49

I'm surprised they can sleep through the normal household noises of everyone else being up (not saying you're a noisy family!).

I think in future you should tell guests in the evening, 'we'll have breakfast at about X and then' whatever going -out plans you might have.

Have they got up yet? :)

TempleofZoom · 22/08/2021 11:50

@beingsunny

Who are all these people sleeping until 10.30 Confused

I think I can count on one hand the number of times that's ever happened in my whole life even before Children

Your medal is in the post Hmm

Ever heard of long commutes, shift work, nights, travelling, long shifts, ill health, studying, stress, insomnia ?