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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

You're child free and staying overnight with friends who have young children, what time do you get up?

240 replies

Grundoncalling · 22/08/2021 09:21

A friend stayed over last night and is still in bed with no sign of stirring. A different child-free friend who stayed with us slept until 10.30.

We're unfortunately up at 6am and would usually have eaten breakfast by 8 and be thinking about what to do with our Sunday now.

I'm probably being precious, genuinely wondering if this is poor form? Pre-kid we'd set an alarm for 8 and definitely be up by 9 if staying with friends with young children.

OP posts:
lljkk · 22/08/2021 10:18

discuss the night before what time to be up & do things?

ravenmum · 22/08/2021 10:18

I'd probably be up by 9, but if I heard a load of people going in and out of the bathroom, having showers etc. I might wait to get up so that the family routine wasn't interrupted.

Next time maybe say "Will breakfast at nine be OK with you?" and if they don't seem pleased, say that you'll be out of the house at ten and they can make themselves at home.

Franklyfrost · 22/08/2021 10:20

Just get on with it. Leave a note and take your phone if you leave the house. They’ll join in once they’re up. Why not let them enjoy a lie in?

thebeatingofthedrums · 22/08/2021 10:20

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Weird for adults to need to sleep for nearly 12 hours. Are they elderly/unwell?
Not weird at all if you've been sleep deprived all week due to working crazy hours, and then you're tired from travelling (if you're staying with someone at their home, presumably you don't live locally).

But I do think this is a case where the OP and their guest should have had a conversation the night before about what they might get up to on the Sunday, so they could have a mutual understanding of what sort of times would make sense.

@Grundoncalling Is this the first time said friend has stayed with you since you've had kids?

icedcoffees · 22/08/2021 10:23

Whenever I wake up - I wouldn't think to set an alarm or be up at a certain time unless the hosts mentioned it the night before.

icedcoffees · 22/08/2021 10:23

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Weird for adults to need to sleep for nearly 12 hours. Are they elderly/unwell?
Yeah, how dare an adult want a lie-in at the weekend! Disgraceful behaviour Grin
BeyondMyWits · 22/08/2021 10:25

As a guest..."when do you want us up and about?"

As a host... "kids get us up at 7, sorry if there's noise, help yourself to food/coffee if we are out when you get up"

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 22/08/2021 10:26

I have kids and there's no way in hell I'd set up and alarm, kids or no kids. We get up when we get up. Unless you told me we had plans and had to leave at a certain time.

I've visited friends with DD a lot, sometimes we were up before anyone else, sneaked downstairs and got on with our day. Sometimes we slept until 9/10 am. Sometimes we got up with their kids, and took everyone downstairs so the parents could sleep in.

It's visiting friends and enjoying their company not a job or a military exercise.

Excelthetube · 22/08/2021 10:29

Kicking about! It’s only 10 am
Your whole day is not wasted! It’s Sunday!

Goneblank38 · 22/08/2021 10:30

If we have friends staying, we normally all do our own thing in the morning and meet up around midday. We get kids out of the house and off to the park pretty early. They can shower, eat and relax a little. Then we have a long lunch during kids nap time.

CatherinedeBourgh · 22/08/2021 10:30

Friends who come and stay are welcome to sleep as long as they wish, I would be surprised to see them up before 9. But then many of them would have jet lag.

If we are planning something in the morning we would agree it the night before, otherwise we would decide once everyone is up.

Beautiful3 · 22/08/2021 10:46

If they haven't made plans to be up and out of the house then I'd leave them to lie in. They don't have kids and don't need to be up at 6am. I'm sure they came to visit you and your family, they not bothered what you do today. A walk would suffice.

Notaroadrunner · 22/08/2021 10:47

@afghanistanwhatnow

I honestly think you should chill OP. If you don't have plans for the day what's the issue?

And if there is an issue you should have set your rules down before they came.

Exactly this. You don't have plans but now you want to make plans to go out? You should have thought about that yesterday and told your guest that you'd want to be going out at a particular time. As for waiting around to have breakfast, if you've been up since 6 there was nothing stopping you from going ahead and eating without your guest. You didn't expect her to be up that early so why wait?
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/08/2021 10:55

I wouldn't expect them up at 6, for sure. But probably around 8:30/9am.
However, I would also have expected to make plans for the day last night, so that there was a rough time to aim for in terms of getting up!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 10:56

Unless I was told to get up early, I would get up when I want like I always do on holiday. Did you ask them to get up early?

EileenGC · 22/08/2021 10:56

Whatever time had been agreed the previous evening. I definitely couldn’t still be in bed at 10 if the family I was staying with was up at 6 - unless we had a veeeery relaxed approach to each other and it’d been ‘cleared’.

I was taught to not cause avoidable extra work or leave my hosts waiting around for me, it’s basic decency. Clearing the kitchen for a second breakfast, or waiting on your guests to wake up so you can all go to the park… it’s not nice as a host. And I’m a relaxed host!

It also depends on sleeping arrangements. If I’m sleeping on an airbed on the living room floor or the sofa, then I’m up at the same time as the hosts, so no one feels like they have to walk quietly in their own house to avoid waking me up.

If there’s only one shower then I might just stay in my room for an extra hour to make sure they can all get ready in peace first.

StrangeToSee · 22/08/2021 10:57

I'm a morning person who wakes up naturally for roughly 6:30/7am daily. I'm the opposite where I hate staying with people who don't have kids as I lie there for hours in bed awake waiting for them to get up

Have you asked if they’d mind you getting up early?

Lots of our guests get up at 5am or 6am, have breakfast, even go for a run or walk. I’d be mortified if a guest was lying in bed feeling they had to wait for me!

The only time I wasn’t so impressed was when a friend woke me at 5am to ask where the coffee bean grinder was! That’s why I now tell them to feel free to go through all the kitchen cupboards if there’s something they need. There’s nothing secret downstairs!

Doomscrolling · 22/08/2021 10:58

It's fine for them to sleep in.

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 10:58

" if you have to be up on weekdays you end up waking early on weekends too"

Waking up early doesn't mean you get up early though. I woke up around 8 today, but didn't get up till past 11. It's now almost 12 and I'm still not dressed. No hurry if I'm not working.

HaveringWavering · 22/08/2021 10:58

Do you not like your house? Being able to have a leisurely start to the day and not rush out is what Sundays are all about to me!

If you’d wanted your friend up earlier you should have said so- sleeping this late is perfectly normal behaviour for people who are not woken up early by children. I’d be happy my guest was relaxed and comfortable.

Sounds like your guest is not a close friend, or they would have realised that you had a bee in your bonnet about getting up and out of a morning. I don’t tend to form close friendships with morning people so I’d probably make the same faux pas if I stayed with you, and be totally oblivious!

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 10:59

"I was taught to not cause avoidable extra work or leave my hosts waiting around for me, it’s basic decency. Clearing the kitchen for a second breakfast"

I don't eat breakfast and even if I did, I wouldn't expect my host to make it for me. Everyone can get their own breakfast can't they? Why is it extra work?

Abraxan · 22/08/2021 11:00

Depends if we'd made plans or not, or if we'd planned a 'big breakfast.'

Dh tends to wake earlier so he will often be downstairs by 8-8:30am. He'd then likely bring me a cup,if tea in bed. I'd get up after that - so after 9. I'd have a shower before going downstairs so between 9:30-10am if nothing planned. Dh often goes downstairs in PJs and gets a shower after.

If I have friends staying then me and dh try to get up before them, within reason. But those with early riser children - they're told the alarm code and told to help themselves to breakfast and drinks, and the TV etc.

If we'd made plans to do something I'd get up earlier.

EspressoDoubleShot · 22/08/2021 11:01

Thing about unsaid expectations, is if they remain unsaid guests don’t know what the host wants or expects
They are your guests and should not expected to be up and lively at 8am
Unless you explicitly made plans, eg we are going to the beach today so we will get up at 830 and depart at 1000
Leave them a help yourself breakfast and go out with your children, catch up when you return

Gwenhwyfar · 22/08/2021 11:02

" Didn’t get up until 11.30 or later. Twats. "

Twats for having a lie-in on holiday. What's the point of a holiday if you have to get up earlier or the same time as you do to go to work?
What problem did it cause you?

Abraxan · 22/08/2021 11:05

Weird for adults to need to sleep for nearly 12 hours

Is it nearly 12 hours?
Op posted at 9:20am - I doubt the adults went to bed at half last 9 last night!