To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

My friend was told that she was an overbearing mother who would give her child issues because she wasn't comfortable with her child walk the 3/4 mile home from school. The child was 7.

True - every year schools in Switzerland send home leaflets and there are articles all over newspapers about why you shouldn't take your child to school and why it's important that they build their independence by walking by themselves (with friends). This type: www.swissmom.ch/kind/praktisches/kindergarten-und-schule/sicherer-schulweg/

When I was 8 I'd walk home from school by myself, let myself in and help tidy up before my parents would get home from work. Your kid will survive 45 minutes on their own...

I’ve left my 10 year old for about 30 mins before. As long as he’s sensible, I think your idea sounds fine.

If there’s no phone in the house, I’d buy a cheap mobile to leave with him rather than relying on an iPad though. Save your number and another adult’s number on speed dial, and make sure he knows how to call 999. The chances of anything happening are tiny, but it’s important that he knows what to do in an emergency.

Id let him stay at home.

I'd have let my oldest, now 13 come home and stay there alone at that age, he'd have been fine and Just sat and played PlayStation.

I currently have a DD who is 9, and she often stays home whilst I take the little ones somewhere or pop out and she doesn't want to come. House is locked, she knows how to get out if there was an emergency. She only plays on her iPad or watches TV.

It’s 45 minutes, no bind at all. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t just bring him.

I always wondered why is the age in uk to walk to and from school so high compared to others.

I would leave my ds who's 9. I generally don't go anywhere in the car without him but if I'm popping to the shop a 3 min walk away or chatting to my neighbour up the street he stays in. I got him a phone as we don't have a landlines so he can ring me.

I have seen some 9 year old friends of ds who are very babied and wouldn't leave alone for a second.

I'm really surprised so many people are unhappy to leave a 9 year old for such a short period of time

It's absolutely fine OP - kids need to start building their independence at that age. In two years he'll be off to secondary school - much better to build things up slowly than shove them in at the deep end.

No way!!what are you thinking?

Let me tell you what happened to me. I left dc age 11 year 6 sitting at home for 20 minutes while I collected their sibling from an activity. They were sitting in the same place on the settee watching tv when I returned. All fine.

The next day they told the school that they were scared, the school reported it and I had a visit from social services telling me I had to get a babysitter for 20 minutes or I ‘could get into trouble.’

Imagine the work prospects for main carers if children walk themselves to and from school from earlier age and could stay at home for an hour by themselves....

Assuming he is happy then yeah I’d leave. I was left from much younger but appreciate things were different then

Go to school.
Pick them both up.
Don't bother going home.
DS either goes home or might as well stay and watch with things to do.
It's not very long.

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I always wondered why is the age in uk to walk to and from school so high compared to others.

Indeed in Germany it’s Normal from 6 I believe (accompanied by older children)

Of course on mumsnet no one leaves their children alone until they’re 22 At only a couple of weeks after turning 11 I was taking a 40 minute bus and then walking for twenty minutes to get to and from school. Letting myself into an empty house and waiting til my parents came home. It felt like a big responsibility but I was fine, and it built my confidence and resilience.

I don’t know how I would have managed this if I hadn’t built up to it by being left for short periods. I remember my mum being told at school to send me to the local supermarket aged 10 with not enough money to get all the things on the list, to help me learn how to manage tricky situations like that. Again, totally fine (I just bought what I could afford, came home to get more money, and went back out again!). I think it’s so important to remember as parents that we are trying to raise independent, fully functioning adults. Teaching independence, responsibility, even appropriate risk-taking, is an important part of that.

I do think this scenario is child-dependent - some 9 year olds would be fine and others wouldn’t. But the OP is saying her DS is very sensible. I think as long as you’re home when he gets in and you’ve gone through “what if…?” scenarios and he answers appropriately it will be fine. Agree with PP that you can see whether he’d rather come with you/stay home on a weekly basis.

I think 9 is too young. My nearly 9 year old would be useless in a real emergency

@UserStillatLarge

I'd personally do Option C

1. Pick up younger DC; hang around school and wait for older DC to come out. Let older DC walk home 5 or 10 minutes before lesson ends. Gradually increase times to build up to him being at home for the whole lesson. No toing and froing (and don't understand why you'd make a Reception aged child effectively get changed twice!)

Came to say exactly this!

@SchrodingersImmigrant

I always wondered why is the age in uk to walk to and from school so high compared to others.

During the 80's the majority of kids walked in groups to school. The bell rang and kids left met their pals and left.

I think it's down to a combination of factors. Parents using wraparound care, other parents are dropping kids of then driving to work. So all in its less kids going to / from the same area so less safety in numbers. Older kids would look out for LOs.

I remember a neighbour asking if my friend and I would walk her LO to school. That wouldn't happen if the older kids were getting lifts or using wraparound care.

My DS at 9, 3 months shy of 10 used to take the bus to school and back twice a week. It involved walking for 15 minutes in the morning in a town, and crossing the main road on the way back. He did have a mobile. There were never any issues. His elder sibling was usually home by the time he did, but there were occasions when he was home alone for up to an hour if their sibling had a match after school that day. The school was perfectly aware and not once did someone raised the issue. His teacher praised him for being very mature.

Considering kids are allowed to walk to the holiday clubs in town alone from the age of 8, it was that much of a shock. DS was and is still very mature for his age. He was taking the train alone for 1/2h journey by the time he was 10, and went alone to watch a football game, 3 hours away, coming back after midnight (and once where trains were stopped and there were no replacement buses so had to take a taxi at 1am) and was perfectly comfortable.

If you know he is confident, responsible and mature, then don't worry about it.

I can’t work MN out sometimes. So many on this thread aghast at the thought of this child being home alone for 45 minutes but then on other threads the majority are perfectly okay with kids a similar age going out to the park on their own for several hours.

FWIW OP, I think it’s still a bit too young at the moment but you could maybe build up to this over the next year or so. The fact you live so close to pool and it’s all so handy is more reason to just take the 9 year old along imho.

I don't think UK in general is that much more dangerous, or are there really that many self-combusting houses? And if so, we're talking about daytime, not a sleeping child - a 9 year old could figure out that he needs to run outside if there was smoke and fire alarms going off, no?

I've just realised I know no one back in my native eu country with smoke alarm. My family was bit at why I need one. Oh and we have actual sockets in bathrooms😂

I think it's down to a combination of factors. Parents using wraparound care, other parents are dropping kids of then driving to work. So all in its less kids going to / from the same area so less safety in numbers. Older kids would look out for LOs.

I get the changing factors, what's interested is the official advice (and also how are these factors kind of unique to UK).

Do officials in UK believe UK is fundamentally more dangerous than ither EU countries or do they believe UK kids are simply not up to the same survivable standard as their EU counterparts? 🤔 Because the age difference in advice is really considerable

Oh and we have actual sockets in bathrooms
The sockets in the bathrooms is to do with voltage , 240v is a strange voltage, lower & higher voltage will throw you away from it. Around 240 you stick to it and become live pretty dangerous with wet hands.

If swimming lesson is at their school I don't understand why you have to take dc1 home to get ready and pick up dc2 - why doesn't he just meet you at the pool?

I get the changing factors, what's interested is the official advice (and also how are these factors kind of unique to UK).
But where is the 'official' advice coming from, the NSPCC, who are really a charity 🤷‍♀️
Other countries must have guidelines too of some description.