To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

Oh I see. I’d missed the bit about school being where the lesson is!
Sorry, I think it’s too young. I wouldn’t leave him. I’d do #1.

I left mine for no more than an hour from when they were 9yo.. but we live on a gated estate.

Just ask him each time and go with what he wants. My ds rebelled against the childminder at that age so went to cm in morning to make sure he got to school and to avoid the responsibility of locking the house up and let himself in after school. Similar short walk home.

You know your kids best. I would never have left DC1 but I did used to leave DC2 inY4 for 20-30 mins.

I am a teacher and feel 9 is far too young to be left alone. It's best the 9 year old comes with you. 12 is the earliest I would feel comfortable with.

We've not restarted swimming lessons here yet, but when we were there pre covid dds then 9 and 11 used to stay at home while I took the younger two. Dd11 would just sit in her room reading and dd9 enjoyed getting the tv to herself.

I’d have had DD with me at that age. Only you know if it will work for you, though.

I'd let the oldest walk home alone.
Then on a day to day basis ask if he's coming to spectate or staying home while LO is swimming.

My DD is 10 in October and I wouldn’t be leaving her home alone - so is very dizzy though 😬

I know she would love to be allowed to walk to school too but I have to walk the others there anyway and she is still too young I think.

I would bring DS back to school with you.

Maybe in the last year of primary school I would leave her home alone if I popped to the corner shop etc

We were left at home for an hour or so at that age. However, it depends on a child. We knew the rules, knew what not to touch, not opening door to anyone incl neigbours, but run to the neigbours if anything happens.
We just watch tv in that hour and did bit of homework.

The fact the pool is THAT close make sme really think it should be ok. Pretend you have a mansion and it's all one property

Seeing as you are so close, you can see the house from the pool then I'd leave him.

I would make him stay with me. 9 is really young still, not old enough to keep their head in an emergency.

I started leaving my dds for maybe 30 mins at a time from about 10.5 and dd2 was alone for an hour after school from 11. That felt on the young side of ok, but at 9, absolutely not.

But he’s your kid and you’ll do what you’re comfortable with. So the opinions of others don’t really matter.

The school will be pretty much empty of staff by 4 - TAs finish about 15 minutes after the kids go, teachers about half an hour (and they will be in classrooms/staffrooms/distant offices by then), the admin staff will be leaving around 3.45pm. You're likely to be relying upon the gates still being open and the caretaker or cleaners being near reception in an emergency, or if there's an after school club, the gates being unlocked (unlikely, they don't want strangers on site or kids getting out either) and DS being able to find them and their wanting to get involved with a child they aren't responsible for.

He's just that little bit too young right now in my opinion.

I would but I often leave 8 and 10 yo home when I walk the dog for half an hour or so.

I would be at the school @NeverDropYourMooncup, at the pool.

@Nonicknamesforcatapillars true, but sometimes it’s really helpful to hear what others think when you aren’t sure of your own opinion! As in this case for me.

@Sleepinghyena No, far to young to be alone. Of course he should come with you. can’t decide if that’s sarcasm or you think the five year old will be left alone?

I’ve left DS8 at home for 30 minutes a few times although I wouldn’t trust him with house keys and to go home by himself just yet.

I would try it out and see how it goes.

@NeverDropYourMooncup

The school will be pretty much empty of staff by 4 - TAs finish about 15 minutes after the kids go, teachers about half an hour (and they will be in classrooms/staffrooms/distant offices by then), the admin staff will be leaving around 3.45pm. You're likely to be relying upon the gates still being open and the caretaker or cleaners being near reception in an emergency, or if there's an after school club, the gates being unlocked (unlikely, they don't want strangers on site or kids getting out either) and DS being able to find them and their wanting to get involved with a child they aren't responsible for.

He's just that little bit too young right now in my opinion.

I assumed school was still open as the pool is at the school?

Depends on the child. I teach that age group, about 1/3 of the class are mature enough to be ready for this sort of responsibility.

The rest, I wouldn’t leave alone for a variety of different reasons. Some because they are emotionally not ready and wouldn’t know what to do if something went wrong; others because I wouldn’t trust them to not to cause absolute mayhem.

Given how close you are, I think it's fine to do & wouldn't criticise you for doing it.

That said, personally I'd take the 9 year old with me as I'd be far too scared of something happening whilst I was out (or burglars who target homes at that time of day) - but appreciate I'm probably overly cautious.

@CocktailOnion

I think this is a perfect age to naturally build independence slowly and steadily.

Exactly. In a year or two, he'll need to get himself to school and back unaccompanied and possibly spend time home alone before or after school.

Now is the perfect time to start building up to that.

@goldenlilliesdaffodillies

I am a teacher and feel 9 is far too young to be left alone. It's best the 9 year old comes with you. 12 is the earliest I would feel comfortable with.

Lots of y7s, some of whom are only just 11 do long journeys to school or arrive home before their parents.

He's nearly 10, being left in daylight to watch TV or similar.
If he is happy, can be in contact by phone if needed, parent only 5 mins away, and is sensible, it shouldn't be beyond possibility.

I wouldn't personally. I just feel it's a bit too young. First year of secondary I would be ok but before that, no.

He can just be with you, it wouldn't be a problem.

I'd just bring him to the lesson with me. It's only 45 minutes and would eliminate any worry about problems arising at home when he's alone.