To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

I wouldn’t do leave a 9 year old alone in the house but I do tend to be pretty cautious in general.

I thought it was illegal to leave children alone- it does not matter in the slightest the intended time you imagine the child will be alone- 15 minutes could become two hours if you had an accident etc.

I would have completely, naturally taken the 9yr old with me to a younger sibling's swimming lesson. It wouldn't have crossed my mind to do otherwise. I used to do similar (different activity), and it was a good time to have a bit of a chat.

I think it's fine. My two walked home from school from Year 6 and they were quite sensible.

It's not illegal.
I think it's one of those strange laws that leave it up to the individual.

9 is a good age to start responsibility. It's 45mins not 2hrs. You will see DS before you leave and you can leave a job or tv prog to watch. He knows where you are. Might be a good age for starting a basic payg mobile as well to keep in contact.
Sensible parent= sensible child. If you think he's ready he is. YANBU

9 is too young for my liking. I'd only start leaving them alone once they start high school.

It's not illegal. Has no one left their child at home to get a pint of milk or a prescription? Left a sick child in bed while you picked up the other one? A few metres walk between home and school is nothing. I really don't know why you're getting grief over this.

Is it Christine Lagarde who was left at home aged 4 to babysit her younger brothers while her parents went out to a concert?

I can't remember - but if yes, it didn't do her any harm...

At 9 no I don’t think I would. Mine always had to tag along at that age

We are talking about a nearly ten year old, home alone for 35 minutes in a house with a dog, and his mum is in a building twenty metres away? Or have I go that wrong? Because if so I don't see a problem.

As long as you don't leave until you know he is safely home then it will be fine to leave him if he's happy with this .

If the pool is at the school and it's so close then I think either scenario is fine, and it doesn't need to be the same every week .

Sounds totally fine, he can just run and get you if there are any issues. I'm assuming he also has and knows how to use a phone?

I'd personally do Option C

1. Pick up younger DC; hang around school and wait for older DC to come out. Let older DC walk home 5 or 10 minutes before lesson ends. Gradually increase times to build up to him being at home for the whole lesson. No toing and froing (and don't understand why you'd make a Reception aged child effectively get changed twice!)

This is year 5 we’re taking about! Of course it’s fine. I say that with the caveat that whilst I would have and did leave my ds for short periods when he was that age, as a rule he didn’t like being home alone and given the choice would prefer to come with me. He’s just turned 11 now and will be walking to the bus stop, getting the school bus etc etc on his own in the next couple of weeks. I’ve had to work really hard to build his independence up to doing this.

In your exact circumstances I’d be happy to leave my DD9 at home on her own. As others have said I’d check with her each week whether she wanted to come with me or stay home.

In fact I did leave DD home alone several times for about 20 minutes when she’d just turned 9 to collect DD11 from school. DD9’s class were isolating and school wouldn’t allow DD11 to walk home alone. I talked to the Head but they won’t allow pupils to walk home alone until the last term of Y6. DD9 is sensible and was fine.

@StayWithMe21

Is it Christine Lagarde who was left at home aged 4 to babysit her younger brothers while her parents went out to a concert?

I can't remember - but if yes, it didn't do her any harm...

I find this kind of anecdote (in support of leaving a child alone) just as extreme (and unhelpful) as the ones (not in support) spelling out the horror of fires etc.

Nope. I left my two youngest (2 year old and 5 months old) with our Au Pair. The 2 year old was put down for his afternoon nap. 10 minutes later, the smoke detectors went off and the Au pair went back in to find the toddlers bedroom ceiling on fire. Freak accident involving sunlight on back of the TV . All were ok, my house, not so much. My point, freak accidents DO happen.. Thank Christ our au pair was a sensible girl and got baby and toddler out safely, dread to think otherwise. Take your child with you. Please.

@Bagamoyo1

Given the fact that the pool is so close to your house, I would do this. But just thinking - are you obliged to stay for the swimming lesson? If not then I would probably drop your 5 year old, once they were in the pool I’d pop home to check on 9 year old, then go back for 5 year old.

I was going to say this too. My local pool is making parents sit outside in their car. If it was so close I would definitely go home.

I wouldn’t be comfortable with it, not that I think YABU, you know your child best,

@Mybalconyiscracking

I left mine for no more than an hour from when they were 9yo.. but we live on a gated estate.

Oh thank God for that! Keep the undesirables out...🙄

@goldenlilliesdaffodillies

I am a teacher and feel 9 is far too young to be left alone. It's best the 9 year old comes with you. 12 is the earliest I would feel comfortable with.

Of what age group? As others have pointed out a lot of yr7s go home to an empty house. Lots will have been left home alone during the pandemic all day.

I think your plan sounds absolutely fine. My 10 year old will be coming home herself from school one afternoon a week this coming year and will have just over an hour before her brother gets home. And she has spent periods that long in the house on her own since she was 9.

I would do it and agree with a pp that even if you don't have to, it seems like a great way to start to build his independence. I find talk about house fires and burglars really quite extreme - you can't eliminate every risk but the chances of that happening are miniscule and does it really make any difference whether the DC in question is 9 or 11?

Of course it depends on the child - I would be happy to leave my extremely sensible and mature 8 yo for short periods of time although the situation hasn't arisen yet. My youngest is much less responsible and unless he has a personality transplant in the next couple of years he probably won't be left alone till he's 16! What you're doing is well within the bounds of reasonable parenting (remembering that parenting is a balance between fostering independence and avoiding risk), even if others would make a different call.

It’s not illegal no but I was reported for leaving my 9 year old home alone for 15 minutes so 🤷‍♀️