To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

Completely depends on the child.

My daughter would be absolutely fine.

My son, not a hope in hell.

@victoriaspongecake

At 10 I would absolutely leave him alone for this short time at home. But you will get people saying that the house will go on fire, the road will blow up , you will be murdered at the swimming pool , you will die on the way home or the dog will eat your son.

@victoriaspongecake

At 10 I would absolutely leave him alone for this short time at home. But you will get people saying that the house will go on fire, the road will blow up , you will be murdered at the swimming pool , you will die on the way home or the dog will eat your son.

I'm sorry and I know this is a serious topic, but thus did make me laugh very heartily. It's funny 'cause it's true, I would hate to live in some people's heads. It must be so stressful

Absolutely! We’ve been leaving our (just)10 year old DD at home for up to an hour over the summer. She’s v sensible and has loved it! I also have this now DH is back at the office but plan to leave her while I ferry dd2 to her activities (unless she wants to cone with us).

Oh course he doesn't need to go with you.

Why do you have to stay at swimming. Can't you drop him and go home?

@CocktailOnion

I think this is a perfect age to naturally build independence slowly and steadily.

This! I started leaving my sensible 8 year old for 5-10 minutes to pop to a local shop, will build up to 30 mins when he's 9 and keep going like that as long as he's comfortable. At age 11 they start secondary and are expected to get themselves to and from school and be more independent.

I think your plan seems fine as long as ds is happy and it sounds as if he could run along to the pool if there was a problem. At 8+ leaving children home alone is a very personal decision and you can only really make a decision based on your individual child.

The school will be pretty much empty of staff by 4 - TAs finish about 15 minutes after the kids go, teachers about half an hour (and they will be in classrooms/staffrooms/distant offices by then), the admin staff will be leaving around 3.45pm

I would love to know what this information is based on

@JinglingHellsBells

While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare. We have advice about this below

NSPCC website.

This NSPCC advice seems to think 12 year olds are at primary school. It goes on to say ‘Whether they're 12 years old or almost 18 years old, there might be reasons that they don’t feel safe in the house alone.’ Almost 18? What bollocks.

And 45 minutes is hardly a longer period of time. He’s not going to be cooking tea.

I googled the current advice for walking to and from achool from my native country😂 If there are no sen in play and way to/from school isn't overly complicated/dangerous kids in year one (6 year olds) are ok to go alone if they wish to do so...

Not allowed till the end of year 5 at my kids school so age 10

I honestly think it’s fine. I have a12 yo and I’m sure I left her for short periods at 9/10.

As I say every time these threads come up, by 9 I'd had first aid and fire safety lessons at school and was far more able to cope with emergencies than my parents. In fact I did deal with both a small fire and my mother pouring boiling water water all over herself (super scary, as it would be for an adult, but I knew exactly what to do and did it).

Why are children viewed as so incapable?

I'm slight worried that the age at which children are deemed capable to be responsibly left alone seems to be creeping up so steadily that I'm going to end up paying for wraparound care for mine until they go to university

@daddadad not sure I do need to provide statistics as this is a discussion on a online forum…

My point is - for some reason, people assume that fires happen at night & my experience is that happen at any time. Even a quiet autumnal Tuesday afternoon.

One minute everything normal and the next the house is full of toxic smoke.

A 9 year old child, presumably in year 4/5 IMO just isn’t equipped to deal with that responsibility.

@Hardbackwriter

I'm slight worried that the age at which children are deemed capable to be responsibly left alone seems to be creeping up so steadily that I'm going to end up paying for wraparound care for mine until they go to university

🤣

Yes but he won't have had a snack @SusannahSophia!!!!!

Just no from me. There are many scenarios that could occur. I think you would be an irresponsible parent to do this

My partners ex leaves their 10 year old home alone all day when she works from 9am until 5pm as he refuses to go to his aunts with his younger brother. I think its neglectful but they all think its normal.

I'm a teacher and a parent of a 9 year old.
I wouldn't do it - especially when you have the option of taking him with you.

For those saying 'how will they cope going to secondary' etc. Two years makes quite a difference in maturity with kids.
I managed to catch a bus to school aged 11 without my mum leaving me home alone for extended periods beforehand.

Gosh what a fascinating thread this is for me.

When I was 9 I was living with just my dad and he worked from 12 to 8 every weekday and never got home before 9pm. Sometimes not home till 10 or even later. I had to walk home from school alone and spend the evening alone and get my own dinner and wash and put myself to bed.

We didn't even have a phone in the house.

So interesting seeing that 50 years later it's considered bad to leave a 9 year old alone for 45 minutes.

Should have added to my above post they say if theres an emergency he can get a neighbour to help as he lives in a block of flats so has lots of neighbours. People are odd.

JinglingHellsBells
While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare. We have advice about this below

NSPCC website.

I dread to think what the NSPCC would say about the Swiss who regularly expect their children to walk to school alone from 4/5/6.

My friend was told that she was an overbearing mother who would give her child issues because she wasn't comfortable with her child walk the 3/4 mile home from school. The child was 7.

It's no wonder we are the country with the unhappiest teens in Europe.

And yes, I would have left my child at home at that age.

Not just Swiss @MeMumI 😁 many european countries afaik from my friends.
Everyone's neglectful there! Won't somebody think of the eu children😭

The school will be pretty much empty of staff by 4

OP says the swimming lessons are at their school. So the OP will be there.

And yes, many EU countries will happily let 6-7 year olds walk to school alone. My 6 and 8 year olds need to take a bus from school, cross a country border, get themselves to their after school activity and later walk from there to my office - they're totally fine and this is considered socially acceptable.

I don't think UK in general is that much more dangerous, or are there really that many self-combusting houses? And if so, we're talking about daytime, not a sleeping child - a 9 year old could figure out that he needs to run outside if there was smoke and fire alarms going off, no?