To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

@goldenlilliesdaffodillies

I am a teacher and feel 9 is far too young to be left alone. It's best the 9 year old comes with you. 12 is the earliest I would feel comfortable with.

You are a teacher but are you a parent, and if so, how old are your DC?

How do you think secondary age kids (so, 11) get home from school? Do you think everyone has a parent at home?

I despair. OP your plan, assuming older child us on board with it, sounds fine to me, good way to start independence which they will soon need to develop further.

I don't see the problem in taking your elder son with you. It's only for half an hour. Surely you can chat or he can amuse himself with you at the poolside?

He's 9- so year 4?

Too young IMO. End of Yr 5 or start of Year 6 closer to age 10-11 is my thinking on this.

@PumpkinKlNG

It’s not illegal no but I was reported for leaving my 9 year old home alone for 15 minutes so 🤷‍♀️

Christ almighty, by who?

The school

@Daphnise

I thought it was illegal to leave children alone- it does not matter in the slightest the intended time you imagine the child will be alone- 15 minutes could become two hours if you had an accident etc.

It's not illegal and a good thing too. Neglect is illegal - so leaving a three yo for a day. Leaving a 9yo for 45 mins is fine. if there were a law it would have to say it was illegal to leave a child below xx age - what would that age be? 12? Immediate nightmare for working parents. 16? I don't think so. 9? well then it would be OK to leave a 9yo for a lot longer than the op is proposing.

I feel small steps towards independence are crucial.

@PumpkinKlNG

The school

Bloody hell. Hadn't they little to be doing (assuming no other concerns about welfare/safety)

While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare. We have advice about this below

NSPCC website.

9 year old shouldn’t be left alone. Take 9 year old with you. Doesn’t matter how far away the school is. They are 9 years old.

Do you have to stay poolside for the lesson? Could you get the little one changed, go home and back at 4 to meet, change and home?

I trust my ten year old, but he has a friend in the street who is a bit of a wild card, and I really don't like the idea of him fetching up if my son is alone for a short while. Children tend to be more sensible if on their own, I find. But as long as your son has 1. your mobile number and 2. a trusted neighbour nearby, I'd say he'd be fine. (You could ring him every fifteen minutes and drive him mad too.)

Absolutely fine. He will enjoy the grown up ness.

I feel it’s too long. I have dd9. I leave her alone for max 15 mins while I walk dog around block if DH not home.

If you do feel that’s ok then I would say:
They need a way to contact you. So know how to use home phone
Know what to do in event of a fire
Be able to trust them that they won’t try any cooking ..!
Answer the door to no one.
Know how to get out

@JinglingHellsBells

While every child is different, we wouldn't recommend leaving a child under 12 years old home alone, particularly for longer periods of time.

Children in primary school aged 6-12 are usually too young to walk home from school alone, babysit or cook for themselves without adult supervision. If you need to leave them home, it's worth considering leaving them at a friend's house, with family or finding some suitable childcare. We have advice about this below

NSPCC website.

A 12 year old can't walk home from school alone? My son has to get a bus from September!

Not at 9 I wouldn’t. I’d start giving this sort of independence towards middle of year 6 (about 11). I’d simply bring an iPad/ snack/ water and for that one evening they come with.

Personally I wouldn't. But I'm sure lots of people do and if you trust DC, they know how to get out/ who to contact in an emergency, then I can't see a problem.

I think if something happened to him you would be charged with neglect. Secondary school age is fine. Not before.

@Mscarna

I think if something happened to him you would be charged with neglect. Secondary school age is fine. Not before.

What about if something happened to him walking home from school? Is he 'neglected' then? Secondary age in these parts is 12 or 13. (Three tier)

In these exact circumstances I would absolutely let him stay home. It’s an incredibly low risk way to start fostering a sense of independence and personal responsibility that will become more and more important the older he gets

Absolutely agree.

What's the legal age to be left alone at home? Could you get in to trouble if someone reported you? (Don't know why they would but you never do know people ime)

In terms of the law - it’s a tricky one actually.

There's no legal age a child can be left home alone, but it's against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk.

What does the law say about children walking home from school alone?

All those saying he shouldn't be left alone or walk home from school alone until he is 12 or 13, do you expect him to be suddenly capable and confident doing this at that age with no build up?

Some DC go to secondary school when they are only just 11, ie about a year older than the OPs DC and it is then when quite often they need to get public transport to and from school alone and maybe spend an hour or two home alone after school, possibly even with younger siblings. The OP is going to be virtually next door to their house for under an hour, not at the other side of town.

A 12 year old can't walk home from school alone? My son has to get a bus from September!

They can. It's not a law, it's an advice.

Take him with you it's only one day

At 10 I would absolutely leave him alone for this short time at home.
But you will get people saying that the house will go on fire, the road will blow up , you will be murdered at the swimming pool , you will die on the way home or the dog will eat your son.