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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

245 replies

HCPcourt · 21/08/2021 18:16

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

  1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

  2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

OP posts:
FrippEnos · 21/08/2021 19:34

As long as the Cardassians are not going to invade and you have the Bajorans and Federation on side.

I'm sure that you will be OK.

Thurlow · 21/08/2021 19:34

We leave DD 9 up to about an hour on her own, but she knows not to open the door to anyone, and will just play on the computer for that time. It does help though that we live on a lovely street with very nice neighbours we know very well, so she knows the order of people to knock at if something happened.

gabsdot45 · 21/08/2021 19:35

How on earth do you get your child dressed in 5 minutes let alone walk home too, even if you live next door.
"Missing the point"

PhoneCaseSpotty · 21/08/2021 19:35

In year 5 I used to walk home, let myself in and watch TV for 30-40 minutes, my Dbro and I were at different schools, his was further and he's younger than me. My dad worked long hours so no choice - my neighbours knew me and on the one occasion I couldn't get in (Mum left the keys in the lock the other side) I went and sat at their house until mum got home with the backdoor key.

If you think he can be trusted I absolutely would, especially being so close to him.

TheVolturi · 21/08/2021 19:38

Too young.

TheVolturi · 21/08/2021 19:39

And are school happy to let him go knowing he's going to an empty house?

Bagamoyo1 · 21/08/2021 19:41

Given the fact that the pool is so close to your house, I would do this.

But just thinking - are you obliged to stay for the swimming lesson? If not then I would probably drop your 5 year old, once they were in the pool I’d pop home to check on 9 year old, then go back for 5 year old.

NotExactlyHappyToHelp · 21/08/2021 19:42

In these exact circumstances I would absolutely let him stay home. It’s an incredibly low risk way to start fostering a sense of independence and personal responsibility that will become more and more important the older he gets.

I think maybe the only thing I would do if I was feeling slightly wibbly about it is to get a Ring doorbell, then I could keep a broad eye on things and deal with anyone knocking on the door while he’s home and you’re out.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/08/2021 19:43

If the pool is on school premises can’t he just walk to pool and you take a snack / something for him to do and meet him there?

QueenHofScotland · 21/08/2021 19:45

100% no. I would take him with us, take a snack and his homework or an activity. At 9 he should be no bother at all and it’s only half an hour.

fruitbrewhaha · 21/08/2021 19:46

Yes it's fine. You are so near by. Can he get back onto the school grounds if he has a problem? Could you do a pop over to the house while your youngest is in the pool?

BikeRunSki · 21/08/2021 19:47

I’d leave the 9 year old at home with a snack and a games console, but I’d make sure he was in before I went out. You’re very close and not driving.

In this neck of the woods, children go to middle school for Y6-8, and it’s normal to start working on their independence in Y5. If I leave dd (nearly 10), i set an alarm on the oven for an hour. If I am not back in that time she has to ring me; then dh; then DM if I don’t answer.

Boysnme · 21/08/2021 19:48

I would do this, different if you were going to be longer but he can contact you & you can contact him through FaceTime

Happymum12345 · 21/08/2021 19:48

If my child was sensible & happy to do this, then yes, I would do this.

PeonyTime · 21/08/2021 19:49

I'd offer him the option each time he walks through the door on a swimming night to stay at home, or watch the swimming.
DS(10) is variable. Sometimes he is happy to stay at home, sometimes he wants company.
He either let's himself into an occupied house, or is left at home. He hasnt been allowed to let himself into an empty house (yet - that may have to start happening).

Boysnme · 21/08/2021 19:50

@TheVolturi

And are school happy to let him go knowing he's going to an empty house?
His parent will be there when he gets home, granted not for long. Would the school be concerned if the parent left them in the house for 45 mins an hour after going home from school?
DadDadDad · 21/08/2021 19:52

@Ineedapuppy

Sorry to provide a horror story but my kids were involved in a house fire on quiet Tuesday afternoon at 4pm. They were lucky to get out and are still impacted today.

9 is way to young to make judgement calls about what to do in an emergency.

And we've all heard horror stories of children dying in fires even when their parents were present. Slightly different scenario, but to make the point: parents go to sleep at night leaving very young children unsupervised in another room - those children may well be asleep most of the time, but we can't eliminate all risks.

We'd need some stats no anecdotes on whether 9yo left alone are more at risk than 9yo where an adult in nearby.

StartSelect · 21/08/2021 19:53

I wouldn’t leave him. I have a 9 year old ds, 10 in September so similar age. I will leave him with older ds (15) for an hour or so but not alone. He can be very mature but also makes some random stupid decisions, as 9 year olds do. I would take him to the pool with me.

DadDadDad · 21/08/2021 19:53

*not anecdotes

DadDadDad · 21/08/2021 19:54

@FrippEnos

As long as the Cardassians are not going to invade and you have the Bajorans and Federation on side.

I'm sure that you will be OK.

@FrippEnos - that took me a while - re-read the thread title and it clicked. Smile
BarbaraofSeville · 21/08/2021 19:55

I'm sure the OP will be having the 'do not touch the kettle, cooker or stick anything in the sockets and if the house bursts into flames get outside immediately and ring 999' conversation with her DS.

beigebrownblue · 21/08/2021 19:56

No I wouldn't.

You may not be aware of it, but if that is your routine you never know who might be watching the house.

And no, that is not paranoid, it is a distinct possibility.

It's too young.

Look at NSPCC website.

if any accident occurs etc it will be your fault, but more importantly they are too young to be left like this.

Comedycook · 21/08/2021 19:57

I wouldn't even contemplate this. Too young.

longhours · 21/08/2021 19:58

Don't do it

He's not old enough to be left alone

AffableApple · 21/08/2021 20:01

@beigebrownblue

No I wouldn't.

You may not be aware of it, but if that is your routine you never know who might be watching the house.

And no, that is not paranoid, it is a distinct possibility.

It's too young.

Look at NSPCC website.

if any accident occurs etc it will be your fault, but more importantly they are too young to be left like this.

Came here to say all of this. And could someone be in the house when he lets himself in? Too risky IMO