To leave DS9 at home for about 45 minutes every week?

[HCPcourt]

DS is 9, 10 in Dec.

Last term my little one had swimming lessons every Thursday at the school they both attend. I would collect DS5 from reception, walk home, changed and give snack then walk back to school for 315 to collect DS9, give him house keys, he would walk home and let himself in. DH was WFH.

DH back in office now so options are

1. I collect DS5 at 3, home and change, back to school, collect DS9 at 315. He stays with us, DS5 swimming lesson until 4, home by five past.

2. I collect DS 5 at 3, home and change, DS9 let’s out at 315, walks himself back, he’s home by 320. We leave at 325 have lesson and back by 5 past 4.

We live a few metres from the school, with no roads to cross. School happy for year 5s to walk themselves home.

DS9 is very sensible and would just have some screen time until we got in. Any issues he could easily run round to school or indeed shout over the back fence. He would have the dog with him for a bit of company (no issues with being alone with the dog).

So AIBU to go for option 2?

We lost our breakfast club because covid, so throughout Y6 (for all of which he was 10- August born) I left him at home for 45 minutes every morning, after which he walked himself to school.

This was the point at which I bought him a phone so we could text and facetime if needed before school (and I could make sure he went).

@goldenlilliesdaffodillies

I am a teacher and feel 9 is far too young to be left alone. It's best the 9 year old comes with you. 12 is the earliest I would feel comfortable with.

Seriously? How do you think secondary school children get to school? What age do you teach?

I think 9 is too young to be left alne in the house. And 45 minutes is quite a long time.

As long as DS9 has a mobile phone to contact you (or DH).
It may well arise that he is not home before you have to leave for the pool. He would need a phone on those days.

I think I'm in the minority here, but I think it's fine.

At age 11 kids are expected to go to and from school on their own, so encouraging more independence in the 1-2 years prior to this is ideal. The situation you've described is pretty safe and low risk.

I do accept not many people will share this view though!

DS9 = your 9th child

actually, your 9th son

It's fine OP. I'd be perfectly happy to do this.

I assumed school was still open as the pool is at the school?

It's not the receptionist's responsibility if she's only paid until 3.45pm. She'll be there for normal school hours, not clubs or private hire. Odds are that whilst there will be cleaners and the caretaker waiting to lock up after the swim school somewhere on site, reception will be empty.

I don't think people realise just how quiet a school is once the kids have gone home and there are just 20-odd doing an activity with 1-2 staff (often external) down one end of the site. Never mind what it's like in December when it's dark by 4. Hell, it used to bother me when I was the person working there on my own and had to walk along dark corridors or pick my way over uneven unlit paths to get to the gate.

@sadie9 no he would always be home or we would meet him on the way. Imagine two people walking towards each other across a distance of 30 metres, impossible to “miss” each other.

I am really surprised by the answers here.
I am usually one of the 'least permissive' parents on MN threads, and here I am now in the minority saying fine, go ahead.

fine if he is sensible and happy.
I leave my similar aged DC for a hour. There are ground rules about answering the door and cooking. She has emergency numbers and we know lots of the neighbours, so she knows which door to knock on in an emergency.

I'm of the view that if your kid will be coming home to an empty house most days in Y7 then it's best to build up to that bit by bit.

My 10 yo is now left at home by his choice while I do a youth group 300m and one side road away. He's familiar with my air stewardess emergency protocols routine. He is far happier having the house quietly to himself than being lugged out to busy places with people he had no interest in; he has high functioning ASD and just engrosses himself in his games. He's too risk averse to try things like cooking. He's been well indoctrinated about what to do in emergencies since a young age and has the landline and we practice how to use it.

I didn't have to do it when DH was WFH when he was 9, but I had discussed with a friend who works in safeguarding and knows him well who felt it was appropriate for him at that point. He had been left for short periods while I take DS2 to his very local school as they often have different times.

My guide is that I am in the neighbourhood, and can return within 10-15 mins on foot.

In 12m he may well be catching buses to secondary school on his own and needs gently building up on his independence.

@Tulipomania

actually, your 9th son

Well, that's one possible interpretation, but if you read the OP's comments and the context it's pretty clear that the other common usage, ie DS(9y), is intended here.

I think its fine, will be high school before long.

I think that 10 is the perfect age to start this sort of responsibility. I did with mine. If children are sensible and enjoy independence, then it should be encouraged.

@NeverDropYourMooncup and others worried about him running round to the school, I meant as in he could run to me, who will be sitting outside the pool. The gates are open as there are lessons going on until 630. He could be out the door and to me, who is sitting outside the pool, in less than a minutes, and he would reach me long before he reached reception!

I think it's fine. I wouldn't have a problem leaving my just turned 10 year old alone for that long. And have left him from about 9 and a half if he's not been well while I take the 8 year old to school

No, I also think it's fine (and I do teach kids this age). I'd just be happier as a parent if he had access to a phone so I could text him/ vice versa.

@TeenMinusTests

I am really surprised by the answers here. I am usually one of the 'least permissive' parents on MN threads, and here I am now in the minority saying fine, go ahead.

I'm with you, @TeenMinusTests. I can understand people being a bit nervous about doing it for the first time, but to adamantly say nearly 10 is too young seems over-protective.

I bet our grandparents would laugh at us worrying about a 9yo being left to their own devices for less than an hour!

Actually, thinking about him being able to actually walk to you in a very short amount of time, I wouldn't need the phone thing.

Sorry to provide a horror story but my kids were involved in a house fire on quiet Tuesday afternoon at 4pm. They were lucky to get out and are still impacted today.

9 is way to young to make judgement calls about what to do in an emergency.

I don’t think I can give him access to a phone although I suppose he could FaceTime me on the iPad if needed?

He could also in theory speak to me over the back wall but he would need to climb on a box or something.

Could he not have a playdate with a friend on Thursdays and you have that friend over on another day

@HalzTangz thanks for that suggestion but I don’t think it will work on a weekly basis. Maybe occasionally.