Is she spoilt or am I shit mum?

[ojss21]

I've NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

My teen dd(15) has started to be quite challenging recently, and I we usually have quite a good relationship, but I've been a single mum to her for most of her life and up until 5 months ago she was an only child, so I tend to be lenient with her at times and struggle to determine whether her behaviour is spoilt or if I'm a shit mum (if that makes sense).

Here's some examples of her recent gripes / reasons for being annoyed with me :

1. I "only" gave her £100 cash for her 15th birthday plus a few cheaper things to open like chocolates. The main present was the cash and I've always done this for the past few years given her age as it's easier for her to choose her own stuff, I find. She complained for two reasons- firstly, it's not as much as I spent on her 5 month old sister's new car seat which cost £250 (clearly the baby needed that and it's not really comparable), and secondly because she wanted more things to open on the day (despite £100 cash being her main present and also a stretch for me anyway at the moment with being on maternity leave).

1. We are going away for a few nights this weekend (in the U.K.) and we were originally due to come back on Tuesday. We have extended to Wednesday as we plan to make a detour on the drive back to stay overnight with my sister who is going through a really shitty and scary time at the moment (don't want to go into details but it's health related and potentially very serious). My DD's response at this unexpected detour to her aunty's was "great, that ruins my plans to see my friends on that day as I thought we were coming back the night before. Wish I'd never agreed to come with you now". And off she stropped to her bedroom. This is an aunty who she is very close to, by the way, and is aware of her health complications currently. Dd has also had several days out and sleepovers with her friends this summer hols and I admit it slipped my mind she had planned this outing with them when I arranged to stay away from home an extra night with my sister.

So.... is my DD spoilt, or am I a bad mum for "only" giving her £100 for her birthday and for inadvertently ruining her day out with her mates? This is a genuine question, by the way. I struggle to gain perspective with her sometimes and she makes me feel guilty for my decisions. It's been harder since the baby was born as I feel I'm ploughing so much time and energy into the little one that I'm almost neglecting the eldest, so I do need some outside perspectives!

Thank you.

She has a point, yes, the baby needs a seat, but why does it need a £250 one. Because it is more fun spending cash on baby stuff than giving it to your teen?

@a8mint

She has a point, yes, the baby needs a seat, but why does it need a £250 one. Because it is more fun spending cash on baby stuff than giving it to your teen?

😂😂😂😂
Amazing. This thread is just entertainment now tbh.

No. I can assure you with all of my heart that splashing out that amount of cash on a necessity is just about one of the last things that I would describe as "fun". Hth.

Because it is more fun spending cash on baby stuff than giving it to your teen?
That was completely uncalled for and sounds like the words of a stroppy teenager lashing out because she feels she's didn't get enough money to burn on shite.

@a8mint

She has a point, yes, the baby needs a seat, but why does it need a £250 one. Because it is more fun spending cash on baby stuff than giving it to your teen?

This thread has officially come full circle to where posters started and eaten itself

I think we can all clap our hands on a job well done(!) 👏🏻 😂

@JimandPam 😂😂

This thread has officially come full circle to where posters started and eaten itself

🤣🤣

@a8mint

She has a point, yes, the baby needs a seat, but why does it need a £250 one. Because it is more fun spending cash on baby stuff than giving it to your teen?

@a8mint

Ah yes, I remember that special day when I purchased a car seat. Such a momentous occasion! We have an entire photo album and noted it as a milestone in the baby books. If I have another baby, I might even throw a car seat installation party.

@ojss21

I think you are being disingenuous, everyone knows that buying a car seat is one of the joys of parenthood. Admit it, you loved it. It’s such fun as you stand by the car, arguing because the installation manual is unclear and you drop your phone as you watch the YouTube video that is as clear as mud.

This thread is batshit. Especially the price of car seats. When I had my youngest people on here were obsessed with them and erf. £250 would have been thought of as cheap back then with the lack of erf seats around

@ineedsun

She’s also 15.

(Before everyone piles on saying NAFYOALT, and their daughter is amazing, they’re not always, but they can be really selfish. As others have said, her nose is also out of joint because of the new baby)

NAFYOALT?

[quote Mickarooni]@ojss21

I think you are being disingenuous, everyone knows that buying a car seat is one of the joys of parenthood. Admit it, you loved it. It’s such fun as you stand by the car, arguing because the installation manual is unclear and you drop your phone as you watch the YouTube video that is as clear as mud.[/quote]
😂😂

Why would she pick up on it? It's not a thing to pick up on. He's not refusing to buy her anything.

What she might pick up on is if he is not doing any of the choosing and wrapping etc, writing a nice or jokey message on the label, the thoughtful stuff that goes with presents. He's been in her life a long time and the new baby affects her relationship with him as well as with you. So even if he's never done that before it might be a good time to start, it might be reassuring and make her less edgy about who gets what.

(I do hope this time I managed to say what I meant without the snark!)