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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to think parents are being naive about our "inheritance"?

314 replies

OhFFSNotAnotherVirus · 21/08/2021 08:04

Just pondering . . . for some reason it's niggling at me, maybe because I find their lack of understanding frustrating!

I also want to point out that I in no way "expect" anything from my parents - I've been financially independent since I was 18 and I'm proud of what I've achieved by myself.

Parent are 65, I have one brother and one sister. Parents gave my brother their life savings (close to £100k) so he could buy a nicer house than he could afford by himself. Parents told me and my sister that they would change their wills to leave their house (a small townhouse worth about £200k) to the two of us, to make it fair.

I don't think it is fair, though. Chances are the house will be sold in the future to pay for their care. They seem blissfully unaware that this is a possibility - or a likelihood - and seem almost smug about having done the right thing by all three of their children. I've brought up the possibility that the house might need to be sold to pay for care, but they dismissed this, saying absolutely not, they wouldn't be going into a home, they'd rather go to Dignitas first . . .

I'm saying nothing further, there's no point and I know there's no entitlement here. But AIBU to be a bit . . . Hmm?

Oh and this all happened a couple of years ago and they haven't changed their wills anyway Grin

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 21/08/2021 08:07

I see a lot of these types of stories on here where things aren't equal. I know you shouldn't expect any inheritance from anyone but to be unequal is unacceptable in my eyes. I agree with you OP.

Onlinedilema · 21/08/2021 08:08

I agree with you but it's their choice.

dammit88 · 21/08/2021 08:08

Have you got a nice house to live in now? If so they maybe feel they made things equal by helping your brother in terms of all of your quality of life.

millenialblush · 21/08/2021 08:09

Also you will lose a decent chunk of that to the taxman. House inheritance isn't that simple. And I also agree with the above poster that inheritance shouldn't be unequal

Vaselike · 21/08/2021 08:10

Somewhere in my family this happened. The will didn’t get changed. And the child who got the money early estranged theirself from the parent and siblings, and even having benefitted early contested the value of the house which was divided three ways, rather than two that the other siblings expected.

Planetsandstars · 21/08/2021 08:11

It’s possible but not a given that they’ll need care.

I do see this assumption on here a lot and while it is wise to have plans in place for care if it is needed, it isn’t an absolute fact.

With that being said, it is unfair given they don’t know how the future will pan out.

Dozer · 21/08/2021 08:11

You’re right.

Lots of people are in denial about needing care and the costs.

Also, why ‘for some reason’? you have obvious reasons to be v pissed off with your parents. They have treated your sibling far more favourably by gifting a truckload of cash!

FlorenceWintle · 21/08/2021 08:11

It would irritate me as well. The inequality but also their conviction that they’ve sorted it.

malovitt · 21/08/2021 08:11

You only have to pay inheritance tax if the estate is over £1 million for married couples so it won't apply here.

Hilda40 · 21/08/2021 08:11

An estate of that value would escape inheritance tax.

Apeirogon · 21/08/2021 08:12

I agree OP.

And even if the house isn't needed for care, they could easily live for another 20 years. Your brother has benefited from the inheritance much earlier which gives it more value in itself.

Ginfilledcats · 21/08/2021 08:14

My in laws have put their house in my husband and his sisters name (they're early 60s) and pay a token rent if £1 a month. This bypasses the house being used to pay for their care as long as it's in their sons name for 7 years before any costs are needed.

My parents are going to do the same I think.

Disfordarkchocolate · 21/08/2021 08:14

Drop into the conversation how much Dignitas actually costs and see how they react.

Rainbowqueeen · 21/08/2021 08:17

Definitely unfair.

Sorry op
So if they are not going into a care home, who do they expect to do the care. Hope they see it as only being fair that it’s your brother.

starpatch · 21/08/2021 08:18

I don't think this will work Ginfilledcats. The local authority can still consider the house for care. Even for inheritance tax it doesn't work as they are still living in it.

Kiduknot · 21/08/2021 08:19

Deprivation of assets might come into play here. The 7 years is for inheritance tax. There is no time limit for clawback because of deliberate deprivation of assets.

Kiduknot · 21/08/2021 08:19

Sorry that was to gin

SheWoreYellow · 21/08/2021 08:19

@malovitt

You only have to pay inheritance tax if the estate is over £1 million for married couples so it won't apply here.
£500,000 if you leave it to your children. £325,000 otherwise.
Original poster
OhFFSNotAnotherVirus · 21/08/2021 08:20

Ah thanks everyone - I felt guilty for being irritated by the whole thing so it's reassuring to see that I'm not really being unreasonable!

Dignitas costing a fortune did occur to me, @Disfordarkchocolate, but honestly there's no point in talking to them about it any further, they are pretty settled in their minds and it's not the happiest of conversations to keep bringing up!

My brother decided to spend most of his twenties and early thirties travelling and never built up any savings, so when he decided to buy a house, financially he was "behind" where my sister and I were - we'd taken more prosaic routes in life and just worked/bought out houses in our twenties. So I think our parents thought they'd be making us "equal".

It is what it is . . . hopefully the whiny little voice in my head that pops up every now and again will go quiet and I can be philosophical about it!

OP posts:
Smudgeis13 · 21/08/2021 08:21

Ginfilledcats. Your in-laws are mistaken. A Local Authority can, and do, go back many years to investigate deprivation of assets. The 7 year rule is about tax. Also if the in-laws rent their house, they must pay the going rate in rent or else this is deprivation of assets.

Hoppinggreen · 21/08/2021 08:22

@Ginfilledcats

My in laws have put their house in my husband and his sisters name (they're early 60s) and pay a token rent if £1 a month. This bypasses the house being used to pay for their care as long as it's in their sons name for 7 years before any costs are needed.

My parents are going to do the same I think.

That’s called deprivation of assets and councils can and do go after people who have done this. In their early 60’s they might get away with it but if it looks like Care is imminent due to age or ill health the Council may still go after the house after death. Some Councils employ someone solely to do this
MargosKaftan · 21/08/2021 08:22

Yes, theres a chance it will go on care.

Theres also a chance that by the time they die, they haven't needed to spend anything on care (or can cope with someone coming in), and the house is worth a hell of a lot more than £200k.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 21/08/2021 08:23

@Ginfilledcats

My in laws have put their house in my husband and his sisters name (they're early 60s) and pay a token rent if £1 a month. This bypasses the house being used to pay for their care as long as it's in their sons name for 7 years before any costs are needed.

My parents are going to do the same I think.

This doesnt workand is called deprivation of assets. The £1 rent proves this more than shores up "its legit"

Also Flowers for OP. It's shit and unfair... but that's life...

LionGiraffe · 21/08/2021 08:24

I’d be happy with the arrangement. Yes, there’s a chance the house might have to be sold but I wouldn’t assume that was a given - none of my grandparents needed residential care and they lived into their late 80s. Similarly, my in law grandparents lived independently into their late 90s.

LemonTT · 21/08/2021 08:24

People who transfer assets are aware of the 7 year rule. At 65 there would be a fair chance that a least one would make it to their 70’s.

Lots of families plan this way and it works if you get good advice and guidance.