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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to think parents are being naive about our "inheritance"?

314 replies

OhFFSNotAnotherVirus · 21/08/2021 08:04

Just pondering . . . for some reason it's niggling at me, maybe because I find their lack of understanding frustrating!

I also want to point out that I in no way "expect" anything from my parents - I've been financially independent since I was 18 and I'm proud of what I've achieved by myself.

Parent are 65, I have one brother and one sister. Parents gave my brother their life savings (close to £100k) so he could buy a nicer house than he could afford by himself. Parents told me and my sister that they would change their wills to leave their house (a small townhouse worth about £200k) to the two of us, to make it fair.

I don't think it is fair, though. Chances are the house will be sold in the future to pay for their care. They seem blissfully unaware that this is a possibility - or a likelihood - and seem almost smug about having done the right thing by all three of their children. I've brought up the possibility that the house might need to be sold to pay for care, but they dismissed this, saying absolutely not, they wouldn't be going into a home, they'd rather go to Dignitas first . . .

I'm saying nothing further, there's no point and I know there's no entitlement here. But AIBU to be a bit . . . Hmm?

Oh and this all happened a couple of years ago and they haven't changed their wills anyway Grin

OP posts:
knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 08:44

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme

Your parents need to sign their home to you and your sister. If they survive for seven years without needing care/dying it cannot be taken for care nor is it regarded as a deprivation of assets. The name evades me but it’s a legitimate inheritance scheme.
Wrong and highly dangerous advice. The 7 year rule is for gifts and inheritance tax. Someone needs to google deprivation of assets and see how foolish this advice is.

That will be seen as a blatant attempt to get out of paying for care and the parents could be treated as if they still own the property. Everyone would be doing it if it was that easy.

Not to mention issues arising from one of the children getting divorced. The house would be an asset of the marriage and be entered into the financial settlement.

I despair at some of the advice given on here sometimes.

RhodesianRidgeback · 21/08/2021 08:44

@Ginfilledcats - as others have said, that absolutely does not work either for inheritance tax or for paying for care needs.

If it was that easy everybody would do it.

If your in-laws need care, the house will be considered part of their assets and your husband and sister will be legally required to sell it and hand over the money. The 7 years rule is totally irrelevant here.

If your in-laws die then your husband and sister will still be taxed on the value of the house, even if it’s 7 years from the date it was transferred, because your in-laws have clearly not really transferred it.

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 21/08/2021 08:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 21/08/2021 08:46

I'd be most annoyed about the fact they haven't changed their wills.
So, even by their own reckoning, they haven't sorted it.

Lysistratathereindeer · 21/08/2021 08:48

@Ginfilledcats

My in laws have put their house in my husband and his sisters name (they're early 60s) and pay a token rent if £1 a month. This bypasses the house being used to pay for their care as long as it's in their sons name for 7 years before any costs are needed.

My parents are going to do the same I think.

So many potential problems with this though - not least if you and your husband divorced the house would be treated as a marital asset and if your husband couldn't afford to buy you out the house would have to be sold and PIL may end up homeless. Plus 7 years is inheritance tax, councils may go back further when claiming deprivation of assets.
Shedbuilder · 21/08/2021 08:48

@millenialblush

Also you will lose a decent chunk of that to the taxman. House inheritance isn't that simple. And I also agree with the above poster that inheritance shouldn't be unequal
This is untrue. A couple can leave up to £650,000 before inheritance tax kicks in. The OP has said her parents' house is worth £200,000. But unless the parents change their will the estate will be divided according to the original will.
Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 21/08/2021 08:48

I would be annoyed. I can understand and in the same way as you I would like not to care about it but deep deep down I do. My family home will go to my feckless younger brother and us three girls probably will get ?

It’s inequality, the man gets it all. The girls kept dangling so they they have someone to look after them.

AnnaMagnani · 21/08/2021 08:49

I meet a lot of people through work who say they will go to Dignitas. Yet to have one go yet - it's actually very rare.

The one that got closest gave up when confronted by the cost. If you have a look at the Dignitas website they are very cagey about how much it costs but with some detective work you can figure it out - it's a lot.

And you can't go if you have dementia. Dignitas are very clear about who they will and won't have.

HollyGrail · 21/08/2021 08:49

I think the parents can put the house into trust for you and Sis. BUT they have to live in it as if it is yours ie pay rent - I think it can run into problems so you need to talk to a solicitor. But it wouldn't suit your DPs. They have just wangled a way to give favoured son more money and pretend they are being fair.
BUT - is DS happier than you? He might have travelled more etc and now have a lower mortgage but all in all is he happier than you and DSis.
Hopefully you are all doing ok and you just have to live with this.

saraclara · 21/08/2021 08:51

It's scary how much inaccurate information is on this thread. And scary to see what decisions have been made and action taken under massive misunderstandings of the law.

The couple in their 60s are in for a world of pain if their parents need care. Putting a house in your children's name when in your 80s (presumably) is classic deprivation of assets and the council will be on it in seconds. The rent of £1 is farcical and only adds to the evidence that the couple are in full knowledge of the fraud they intend to commit.

They were spectacularly badly advised, if they were advised at all.

Also the numbers being bandied about regarding inheritance tax are mostly wrong.

Bobbybobbins · 21/08/2021 08:52

I find the avoidance of paying for fare very depressing. I want my parents (if they need it) to have the best possible care in their final years. The council funded care should be reserved for those who genuinely can't pay for it themselves.

knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 08:53

@Namechange1234321

Isn’t there a way they can get round the selling of the house to pay for care? I’m sure you can do it by making sure each of them owns half the house rather than both of them owning the whole of the house. So you can’t sell it to pay for one persons care because the house doesn’t fully belong to them.
They don't sell houses out from under a spouse still living in the house to pay for care. They wait until the last person is no longer living there. I don't mind if my home has to pay for my care. If I'm not living there why would I mind?
Hopdathelf · 21/08/2021 08:53

OP they probably won’t need care…because they’ll be expecting you and your sister to step up (but probably not your brother).

As you say, no reason to expect anything generally, but they have given rise to an expectation from what they’ve raised with you themselves. YANBU in the least.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/08/2021 08:53

A lot of people do go into care ... my area is full of care homes and new ones being built regularly. There are waiting lists for the decent ones. My mum spent 7 years in a dementia care home and it cost £336,000 .... her home and savings were used until the money ran out and then the council paid.

Nobody should count on getting anything as an inheritance.

Cuddlyrottweiler · 21/08/2021 08:54

YANBU even if it doesn't go on care, they've handed your brother 100k now, you and your sister have to wait for 10-20+ years to get a house you can clear out, tidy up, redecorate, put up for sale, pay rates and taxes on, any outstanding debts/rates, you'll be paying for their funerals out of it too. It's not nearly even. They also haven't cared enough to even change the wills. And they now have leverage over you to provide care. And they probably won't go together, so whoever is left behind could move houses and spend the excess, or remarry and their money goes to their new spouse.

Your brother has done massively better.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 21/08/2021 08:54

And this was a ‘cheap’ one at £1K a week!

DingleyDel · 21/08/2021 08:54

I agree with you that they are being naive. I never understand it when people say they are absolutely not going into a care home (dh gps have expressed this wish, have lots of assets but are extremely tight ). They are basically saying they expect their relatives to nurse them in their own homes (usually the female ones). It’s not realistic for most people. I can’t imagine round the clock care in the home is that much cheaper than care home fees. Either way the refusal to acknowledge that you might need round the clock care at some point in your later years is foolish.

saraclara · 21/08/2021 08:56

if you and your husband divorced the house would be treated as a marital asset and if your husband couldn't afford to buy you out the house would have to be sold and PIL may end up homeless

This happened to a friend of mine whose grandmother put her home into my friend's name (just hers). My friend's husband left her and he claimed the value of half the house (that grandma was still living in).

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/08/2021 08:57

I've brought up the possibility that the house might need to be sold to pay for care, but they dismissed this, saying absolutely not, they wouldn't be going into a home, they'd rather go to Dignitas first

Very many do; it goes with "I'd never expect MY children to care for me", then come the day they refuse to have strangers in the house and ramp up the emotional blackmail (and almost always to the daughters)

What to do with their assets is entirely their choice of course, but you have choices too - something worth remembering when the demands start

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/08/2021 08:57

they should pass the house onto you now, have it in your name
see a solicitor

MrsLargeEmbodied · 21/08/2021 08:57

otoh if they do need care someone has to fund it, if not their house being sold to fund

bit of a situation

PermanentTemporary · 21/08/2021 08:58

I don't object to parents aiming for equality of outcome rather than equality of input when giving to children. My in-laws made a lot of money through a truly incredible amount of hard work. We've all benefited, not least from seeing my mother in law cared for in an amazing but knickerwettingly expensive home due to dementia, without having to worry about the cost. My sister in law has probably benefited most due to schizophrenia and being unable to work much.

But parents who make large statements about what they are going to do, without ever actually employing a solicitor and making a will, make me tired.

Oh and put me in the camp of those who despise the fraud of deprivation of assets. We're going to have to work out what to do about funding social care in this country - why we can't just do what Germany did and have a new tax for it beats me.

VladmirsPoutine · 21/08/2021 09:00

@saraclara My god!! Did she have to sell it off to pay him?

Jennybeans401 · 21/08/2021 09:00

Inheritance is a difficult one. My FIL has left some money in his will to us. However his assets are all shared with his wife (dh's stepmother) and she is 20 years his junior. Stepmother doesn't like dh and never has so it's highly unlikely that we will benefit.

There's nothing to stop the stepmother from creating a new will when FIL dies and leaving everything to her family. Very unfair considering my dh has done a lot for them both I the past but I think these issues come up a lot.

knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 09:01

@saraclara

It's scary how much inaccurate information is on this thread. And scary to see what decisions have been made and action taken under massive misunderstandings of the law.

The couple in their 60s are in for a world of pain if their parents need care. Putting a house in your children's name when in your 80s (presumably) is classic deprivation of assets and the council will be on it in seconds. The rent of £1 is farcical and only adds to the evidence that the couple are in full knowledge of the fraud they intend to commit.

They were spectacularly badly advised, if they were advised at all.

Also the numbers being bandied about regarding inheritance tax are mostly wrong.

I know. I'm rather surprised by the misinformation on here. It's something most if us will have to navigate at some point in our lives and I expect people to understand inheritance issues a bit better than this.