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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

. . . to think parents are being naive about our "inheritance"?

314 replies

OhFFSNotAnotherVirus · 21/08/2021 08:04

Just pondering . . . for some reason it's niggling at me, maybe because I find their lack of understanding frustrating!

I also want to point out that I in no way "expect" anything from my parents - I've been financially independent since I was 18 and I'm proud of what I've achieved by myself.

Parent are 65, I have one brother and one sister. Parents gave my brother their life savings (close to £100k) so he could buy a nicer house than he could afford by himself. Parents told me and my sister that they would change their wills to leave their house (a small townhouse worth about £200k) to the two of us, to make it fair.

I don't think it is fair, though. Chances are the house will be sold in the future to pay for their care. They seem blissfully unaware that this is a possibility - or a likelihood - and seem almost smug about having done the right thing by all three of their children. I've brought up the possibility that the house might need to be sold to pay for care, but they dismissed this, saying absolutely not, they wouldn't be going into a home, they'd rather go to Dignitas first . . .

I'm saying nothing further, there's no point and I know there's no entitlement here. But AIBU to be a bit . . . Hmm?

Oh and this all happened a couple of years ago and they haven't changed their wills anyway Grin

OP posts:
sashagabadon · 21/08/2021 09:44

@Chunkymenrock

I may be a lone voice, but I see it as my parents' money being absolutely nothing to do with me as it's theirs to do with exactly as they please. If I was lucky enough to inherit half a house, I would see it as an amazing bonus and be delighted. If I inherited nothing, then I inherit nothing. It was never my money in the first place.
This is my point too Smile No matter the spilt between siblings one thing is for sure, the 3 kids didn’t build up the parents assets, the parents did. It belongs to them to do what they want with it even if that seems unfair. And from I can see they ARE trying to make it fair. I have no expectation of an inheritance at all. I have quite a few siblings and some have received more than me and I genuinely absolutely don’t care. I’m not trying to right this by insisting something happens in my parents will. They may decide to leave any remaining assets to the local church anyway and I’m fine with that. I will try and treat my kids equally but this will also depend on how their adult lives works out. If they start to bicker as adults about it or cry unfairness I’ll maybe leave it all to a local hospice that is really excellent.
thecognoscenti · 21/08/2021 09:44

Sorry, I see everyone else got there first in responding to @Ginfilledcats

Charley50 · 21/08/2021 09:45

@MayorGoodwaysChicken

I know that things can't always be equal-one of mine has always struggled academically so could in the future have less earning potential for example so ideally they could be given more as a house deposit.

Please don’t give that child more money than their siblings for this reason, it would be an awful thing to do. People earn more or less than one another for myriad reasons, it doesn’t entitle them to be handed more on a plate than their siblings (SEN etc. aside of course).

Lots of people that struggle academically do very well financially if they work in a trade. Lots of academically able people don't have well-paid jobs. You can't predict things like this.
RobinPenguins · 21/08/2021 09:46

It’s an unfair situation and I think your parents are being (wilfully?) naive. Similar has happened in DH’s family where his parents have bankrolled his brother for tens, probably well over a hundred thousand now because of his fecklessness and crap choices. We don’t need it and never had any expectation of anything, it’s the unequal nature of it that galls.

BettyCarver · 21/08/2021 09:47

@Chunkymenrock
I may be a lone voice, but I see it as my parents' money being absolutely nothing to do with me as it's theirs to do with exactly as they please.

I don't think anyone is disagreeing with the fact that the money belongs to the parent and they can use it as they please.
It's the issue of why they would choose to use it to favour one child over others

NeedToKnow101 · 21/08/2021 09:48

OP, I think they have been unfair and also a bit stupid if they have given him the majority of their savings. They're only 65, don't they need some savings themselves. I would remind them once again that they said they would change their will.
In their defence, I suppose they feel they now have 3 children who all have a house with a mortgage, so in that way things are 'fair.'

HungryHippo11 · 21/08/2021 09:48

Very unfair IMO. They have given him £100K now, and gave you the promise of possibly 100K in what could be 20+ years time.
I would be annoyed. Why didn't they split the savings between all three of you, and plan to leave the house to all three of you too?

linelgreen · 21/08/2021 09:53

@Ginfilledcats

My in laws have put their house in my husband and his sisters name (they're early 60s) and pay a token rent if £1 a month. This bypasses the house being used to pay for their care as long as it's in their sons name for 7 years before any costs are needed.

My parents are going to do the same I think.

Please take legal advice before doing this there are so many things that can go wrong. An adult child getting divorced now has an asset of half a house that could be taken into account in a divorce settlement, an adult child could get into financial difficulties thereby putting the property at risk and also it is still deprivation of assets even after the mythical seven years as that applies to inheritance tax only.
TheWholeJingbang · 21/08/2021 09:59

Fucking robbers

My dad has has had to sell his house for his care like most honest people will

SchadenfreudePersonified · 21/08/2021 10:01

linelgreen and others are correct.

This switching properties into relatives' names to avoid tax/ care home fees etc comes up a lot on MN, and a number of people who have expertise in the field have warned - The Powers That Be can come after those assets LONG after the seven year cut off for inheritance tax. Decades.

This means that if (say) the parents sold their home and gave the money to a child to buy a big house in their own name and moved in to a granny flat, then when the parents needed a care home, their CHILDREN could be forced to sell their home and would only be entitled to whatever proportion of the value they had contributed themselves, the rest going towards the parents' care.

Them (as I understand it) is the rules.

knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 10:01

@Antsinyourpanta

And the inheritance tax threshold including property is iirc over 900k (the 2nd of my parents died a couple of years ago and I'm pretty sure that's what they said)
It's £325,000 for a single person and that it is passed to the surviving spouse, so it is £650,000 for the last surviving spouse.
ponyexpress22 · 21/08/2021 10:01

I'm amazed they'd want to give their life savings away. They're only in their sixties. Don't they want to enjoy their money?..... I wonder if they were put under any pressure by their son to give him all their money. So unfair to their daughters.

VanGoghsDog · 21/08/2021 10:03

@millenialblush

Also you will lose a decent chunk of that to the taxman. House inheritance isn't that simple. And I also agree with the above poster that inheritance shouldn't be unequal
No they won't, don't give false information.
NeverTalkToStrangers · 21/08/2021 10:04

The 650,000 basic IHT limit for a married couple has an additional allowance on top for the marital home, which potentially takes it to a million between them knittingaddict.

ancientgran · 21/08/2021 10:07

[quote CutePanda]**@ancientgran* Depends on family circumstances. My DD will inherit more than her brothers for a variety of reasons that aren't relevant here. So the men won't get it all in this family.*

Unless you have a bad relationship with your sons, why would you favour your Dd and leave all your assets and savings to her?[/quote]
Firstly I didn't say I was leaving all my assets and savings to her, I said she would inherit more which I think makes it obvious she isn't getting it all.

As I said the reasons aren't relevant here but there are reasons, I have 4 children and they have all had help that was appropriate to them at the time and as it's my money I can make those decisions.

NeverTalkToStrangers · 21/08/2021 10:07

This has been an enlightening thread though. I knew that the deprivation of assets rules meant that you can’t simply “give away” your house to you children and continue living in it to avoid IHT/care home fees. But the potentially disastrous consequences if your child then gets divorced had never occurred to me. What a nightmare! Arguably a just reward for unethical behaviour though.

Franklin12 · 21/08/2021 10:08

Do you know what local authority care is? It’s not great and if they do need care and want to go into a nice home as opposed to one the council chooses what are they going to feel like when their money is tied up in the house that they gave to their kids years ago?

Money makes people do funny things

VanGoghsDog · 21/08/2021 10:11

It's £325,000 for a single person and that it is passed to the surviving spouse, so it is £650,000 for the last surviving spouse.

Including property left to offspring, it's nearer £1m.

Polmuggle · 21/08/2021 10:19

@aiwblam

Oh yes and certainly no tax on a family home of that value.
There would be capital gains tax to pay. About £40k on a £200k property of both OP and their sibling own their own homes.
knittingaddict · 21/08/2021 10:19

@NeverTalkToStrangers

The 650,000 basic IHT limit for a married couple has an additional allowance on top for the marital home, which potentially takes it to a million between them knittingaddict.
I didn't know that. I've looked it up and that was changed in 2017. Not that it will have implications for us personally. We probably won't have anything like that amount.
NeverTalkToStrangers · 21/08/2021 10:25

No capital gains tax on a house left in a will Polmuggle. If it was given to the daughters before death then there would potentially be some CGT on the gain in value but by the time you’ve applied annual allowances and various exemptions it would be a lot less than 40K, and as many people have explained it would be a terrible idea anyway.

saraclara · 21/08/2021 10:33

@Franklin12

Do you know what local authority care is? It’s not great and if they do need care and want to go into a nice home as opposed to one the council chooses what are they going to feel like when their money is tied up in the house that they gave to their kids years ago?

Money makes people do funny things

My MIL's local authority care home is vastly better than my mum's BUPA one. I cannot stress this enough. LA care facilities are far far better than they might have been once upon a time. And they don't cut corners to benefit shareholders or owners. The staff at MILs have been there for decades and love it. It's beautifully kept and a pleasure to visit. The staff at my mum's come and go constantly and act like they'd rather be anywhere else. It's a dingy and depressing place that is about twenty years overdue for redecorating. Yet people think BUPA is going to give a quality experience

My friend's mum's private care home was incredibly stingy, food was poor, understaffed. And she said that it was all the more galling when she'd leave after a visit, and the owner would roll up in his top of the range Merc with personalised number plate.

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 21/08/2021 10:47

It is quite rare to find a care home that is still local authority owned and run. Far more common is the local authority paying (or contributing towards the cost of) a place in a privately owned care home, for those who can’t afford to contribute towards the cost of their care. Local authority will usually set a weekly rate that is quite a bit lower than the cost set by the care home so you either find a home that accepts that rate (again, hard to find, may be of dubious quality if staff aren’t paid/trained well) or pay a top up for a “nicer” home.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/08/2021 10:47

This is very unfair of your parents. Idk how you can make peace with this. But please try. They’re in denial about their future. Flowers