To feel heartbroken that he has a new girlfriend?

[Maria53]

Hi everyone, I'm really struggling tonight.

I met a guy through work 2 years ago. We hit it off straight away, used to spend most of our time together at work socials and always felt he regarded me as 'special' compared to many others by his actions.

I came to realise he was a shy but good man. I asked him out, he accepted and then lockdown happened that week. We spoke every day for 3 months on the phone and by messaging but then in petered out though we've stayed there n touch.

Now we're back at work and I invited him to come out with me and my friends. He accepted and came out with us tonight. He once briefly mentioned a girlfriend and it was heart breaking for me to hear that. We then spent the rest of the night with my girlfriends and for about 3 hours if was just the 2 of us together.

After he left several hours later I told my friends my true feelings for him. They joked that he clearly didn't come to spend time with them as his focus was on me all night. They said he was here for you and only you, that's obvious. Deep down, I think he shares my feelings but ...

It is hard for to me to put in to words how I feel. I feel like Im falling apart. I want to ask him why he is with this woman when we should be together. I don't think they be been together long. It really hurts 😭

If he feels the same way he will end his relationship with her. If he does not you should move on.

Make sure he doesn’t string you along. He will love the attention being shy .

Your friends are not very helpful! I think you have to accept that if you had had strong feelings for each other it wouldn’t have petered out before. Are you a bit unhappy in other areas of your life? I know sometimes with me things like this take on extra significance if it feels I have nothing else nice going on. But for your own sanity I think you need to try to draw a line and move on.

He.doesn't know how I feel. I've never told him. I think he has feelings for me and I do him. Going to sound arrogant but my exes always thought I was out of their league and....men rarely ask me out. Im quite good looking although I don't care much about that myself.

I feel....awful. Completely bereft. Heart broken.

Not a normal reaction for me. I feel so sad.

@Maria53

He.doesn't know how I feel. I've never told him. I think he has feelings for me and I do him. Going to sound arrogant but my exes always thought I was out of their league and....men rarely ask me out. Im quite good looking although I don't care much about that myself.

I feel....awful. Completely bereft. Heart broken.

Not a normal reaction for me. I feel so sad.

He’s not chasing you though?

@madamedesevigne

Your friends are not very helpful! I think you have to accept that if you had had strong feelings for each other it wouldn’t have petered out before. Are you a bit unhappy in other areas of your life? I know sometimes with me things like this take on extra significance if it feels I have nothing else nice going on. But for your own sanity I think you need to try to draw a line and move on.

To be honest @madamedesevigne it petered out because lockdown was very hard. I didn't feel as able to be responsive but we kept in touch.

I think we are compatible and I thought there was a real chance for us. I don't meet people o feel strongly about often so I'm really feeling it

Tbh my ideal outcome would be he leaves her and we give it a try. Which he may or may not be open to. I don't know how to suggest that really.

I don't think he realises I fancy him. I think he thinks I like him in a friendly way. Not the first time this has happened to me...

The fact he came out with my and my girlfriends does mean something to me. I think he cares about me a lot. It goes beyond friendship. I know by the way he looks at me as he looks at me as serious exes looked at me.

Why is he now with this woman? I guess he must care about her too. But I want him. I want to be with him.

I want to ask him why he is with this woman when we should be together.

You need to have a real think about your life and what is happening for you. The above sounds very stalkerish.

I understand, it must have been really tough to try to establish a relationship in lockdown. Do you think you feel so strongly because of the stress of lockdown and the pandemic? I’m sorry but I think telling him your feelings now and asking him to leave his girlfriend is a terrible idea. Would you really want a guy who would ditch his girlfriend so easily?

Heartbroken really?
From a relationship that hasn't/didn't happen WOW!
Sorry to sound brutal but he's clearly made a point in letting you know he has a Girlfriend, so why would you want him to leave her & get with you? And if he did that he's clearly a piece of shit anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️

Wasn’t lockdown in March 16 months ago?

Don’t do the pick me dance.

Seriously, do not ask him why he’s with his girlfriend and suggest he dumps her! If anyone said this to me it would really alter my opinion of them in a negative way. It does sound stalkerish. He’s with her because presumably he has feelings for her and if he felt that way about you, he’d have done more to ensure contact didnt Peter out and that you met up as soon as restrictions eased. Unless you live very far apart, you could’ve gone for a walk at some point last year. If you stopped being responsive to him that won’t have given the impression you were into him, so even if he did have feelings for you, he probably assumed you didn’t return them and moved on. Don’t make silly assumptions about him ‘looking at you a certain way’, you’ll just make yourself feel worse. Let it go and maybe date some other people.

@madamedesevigne

I understand, it must have been really tough to try to establish a relationship in lockdown. Do you think you feel so strongly because of the stress of lockdown and the pandemic? I’m sorry but I think telling him your feelings now and asking him to leave his girlfriend is a terrible idea. Would you really want a guy who would ditch his girlfriend so easily?

I don't think so @madamedesevigne

After my last relationship I thought carefully about the kind of relationship I wanted to be in next.

He is a good man. He is empathetic towards women, he makes me laugh and vice versa, we like similar things, and so on. I think he is one in a million to be honest and I'll be lucky to find another man like him

I feel like I've really lost out. It hurts. I'm starting to wonder what my life is for. I can have all these achievements but if there's no one lovely to share it with - what's the point?

OP in the nicest possible way while there may be chemistry between you to he’s found someone he actually wants to be his girlfriend and clearly wasn’t too shy to do that. It’s shit, we’ve all been there. You like him more than he likes you. It feels awful, but time to move on.

I think if he was interested in you, he would be with you.
You both let it peter out, though.

You did show you liked him by asking him out.
If he wants to show his interest in you he knows where you are. But if you'd been that into each other, would it have "petered out?" People have been able to meet up for months now.

It is awful but I don't feel life is worth living anymore really. It feels that bad.

I think he does have feelings for me regardless of what people are saying. Clearly he likes his girlfriend, I accept that! I'm just saying it is early days.

I don't meet men I feel this way about often. I was shocked when he mentioned her. Felt like it had all been for absolutely nothing. All of if Completely pointless.

@DelphiniumBlue

You did show you liked him by asking him out. If he wants to show his interest in you he knows where you are. But if you'd been that into each other, would it have "petered out?" People have been able to meet up for months now.

My friends think that while he is a nice guy he is quite passive. I agree - he is lovely but he is quite passive.

I think I deserve better behaviour - but I don't think I'll meet another partner like him anytime soon. I'm so envious of her. He is a really good man that will likely make an equally good husband.

And I'm still alone. It's so hard.

Find someone who is not attached to someone else.

He isnt that passive.
He has met himself someone and she is now his girlfriend.

Just tell him how you feel!

As said he hasn't been too shy to get a girlfriend. He's got a life that you know nothing about. If he had wanted you, he would have changed you. He knew that you liked him, you asked him out. You've been convient and he's keeping you on the back burner. He isn't a good man. He's got a girlfriend, but turned up to keep you dangling. He's probably told you what you wanted to hear. Keep socialising with friends and you'll move on.

Why did you not meet up before now though? You’ve had months and months surely? Even last year there was lots of time to meet up! And if you didn’t really speak for that long, he’s obviously moved on from whatever that was between you, and found someone that spoke to him and met up with him in the very long time that’s been allowed..

I'm sorry but you sound absolutely cray cray
He should be with you , you feel life isn't worth living, he would make a great husband...
You barely know the man