To feel heartbroken that he has a new girlfriend?

[Maria53]

Hi everyone, I'm really struggling tonight.

I met a guy through work 2 years ago. We hit it off straight away, used to spend most of our time together at work socials and always felt he regarded me as 'special' compared to many others by his actions.

I came to realise he was a shy but good man. I asked him out, he accepted and then lockdown happened that week. We spoke every day for 3 months on the phone and by messaging but then in petered out though we've stayed there n touch.

Now we're back at work and I invited him to come out with me and my friends. He accepted and came out with us tonight. He once briefly mentioned a girlfriend and it was heart breaking for me to hear that. We then spent the rest of the night with my girlfriends and for about 3 hours if was just the 2 of us together.

After he left several hours later I told my friends my true feelings for him. They joked that he clearly didn't come to spend time with them as his focus was on me all night. They said he was here for you and only you, that's obvious. Deep down, I think he shares my feelings but ...

It is hard for to me to put in to words how I feel. I feel like Im falling apart. I want to ask him why he is with this woman when we should be together. I don't think they be been together long. It really hurts 😭

Please feel free to private message you if you need a listening ear / hand hold. I’ve been there and it’s not a nice place to be xx

OP, could he have said 'his girlfriend' rather than 'my girlfriend?

I hope your feeling a bit better today, focus on getting yourself in a better head space 💐

@Holiday124

Make sure he doesn’t string you along. He will love the attention being shy .

Do you know what being shy means!? 🤣

OP, I really hope you are not quitting a job you like purely because you hope this man doesn’t date colleagues and will make a move once you work elsewhere.

Morning everyone. Unfortunately I feel even worse today, woke up feeling flat & now very tearful. I feel exactly as I have felt in the past when I've been recently bereaved.

To make matters worse, my friend cancelled lunch due to an adverse vaccine reaction. So I don't even have that to drive me to do something with my day.

I feel like I was just about keeping my head above water and hearing 2 difficult things on Friday seems to have pulled the rug from me entirely. My friend says I can go and stay with them for a while so I'm not alone.

As for him, there is a chance @LemonFantaGin I heard it wrong. The fact he didn't bring her up when discussing his short or long term plans throughout the night makes me think I might have misheard but not sure. I care about him a lot.

@Brimorion no I hate the job generally and I'm searching for a new one. Most of the staff have left and another left 2 weeks ago with stress.

The trouble about post little snip its of your life on different threads @Maria53 is that it gives a distorted view about your whole life, which isn't the best way to protect yourself from MH harm. If you're vulnerable it's best to step away from social media or it opens you up to having rocks thrown. Seek some RL support from a friend or colleague as it's a lot safer than throwing yourself at the mercy of people who can't know or understand your struggles.

@Maria53 Hi, this happened me too. I spent months in love with a guy who had a girlfriend of a few years. I was totally friend-zoned, even after they broke up. We were 'just mates' and I never had the courage to tell him how I felt. I had a date one night and an hour before said date, he (the guy I had feelings for) called me up and told me he had feelings for me but couldn't say nothing when he knew I was going on a date. We got married 5 years ago. 🥰

It could still happen for you OP. I understand how difficult it is though.

@Maria53 - I really don't think you are feeling the way you do purely because of this man. Clearly you are unhappy in your own skin. You seem totally out of sorts, unable to accept who you are, or the reality of your current life.

I don't know why this is, but a few sessions of counselling might help you. However, I also think you need a focus in your life that is not related to this or any other man. We all need something in our life that sustains us and gives us satisfaction and JOY. These things seem to be lacking in your life. It's almost like your obsession with him is a distraction from a void that you are desperate to fill.

Do find yourself a counsellor. In the meantime, you may want to read a couple of book that I have found useful :

• Women who love too much
• The 6 pillars of self-esteem.

@FlowerArranger I think there are a couple of things going on. Yes you're right - I was just rebuilding my life following a big move when the pandemic happened. Many of the things that brought me joy have still not started again. I see friends but they are all partnered so naturally I'm not a priority.

But I do have some opportunities coming up if I can get my head clear enough to take them up.

In terms of this guy - I have got to know him over the last couple of years and I've had the best connection with him out of the men I've met. He is kind, funny, decent, and we have a lot in common. I think he would make a good partner from what I've seen so far and I think I might not encounter a guy like him again for a while.

But Im going to look into catching up with friends and some new meet ups. I signed up for a volunteering event next month.

I agree with you that I've fixated on one thing to kind of avoid what is going on. I do have genuine feelings which I still think might be worth exploring but fixating on him or any man isn't good.

Tomorrow I'll phone the doctor and go from there. I was actually doing ok over the lockdowns, it is as though something snapped.

Thanks for your story @fallingup

I'm glad it worked out for you. It is hard to be brave but can sometimes pay off.