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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Parky04 · 20/08/2021 08:30

If I was your DH I would encourage you to go without me. Time alone would be bliss!

bellabasset · 20/08/2021 08:32

You agreed to book the holiday for your dcs to enjoy, and you'll have the pleasure of seeing their enjoyment. So go with a friend.

It's his right not to be vaccinated but it's unfair of him to prevent you going.

WouldBeGood · 20/08/2021 08:34

I wouldn’t bother taking a friend or relative. It’s actually quite relaxing just being solely in charge of what you do on holiday with your kids. I was quite scared of doing it but it was great.

ilovebagpuss · 20/08/2021 08:36

Everything this says beyond what’s going on with the holiday is just depressing. He’s willing for the family to miss out on a lovely treat holiday because he’s a douche bag.
In fact he’s asking for you all to miss out because he’s the king of the family and you must all stay at home and not remind him of the things he’s missing because of his decision.
That’s the bit for me that says he’s a wrong un in every way.

AngelPrint · 20/08/2021 08:38

@PineapplePrincess what a shame he values fighting the government over the happiness and joy this would bring to his children.

Great Dad there. Go without him.

LIZS · 20/08/2021 08:41

Go without him. Or it could be he can test before and during by then, and travel if negative. Who is lead name, if him will the booking be ok if he does not go? Or can you swap someone else in.

Ourlady · 20/08/2021 08:43

Go without him, try to find someone to take his place.
Is this it for the rest of your lives?
No more holidays abroad, staying in the UK forever.
He's so selfish not thinking of you and the kids with his antivaxx shite.
He will be expecting you to wimp out and not go without him.

ShingleBeach · 20/08/2021 08:45

Go without him.

Don’t build the driving up into something scary: your DH can do it, did it for the first time at some stage, so so can you. You are just as capable. Just stay very calm, go at the speed you feel happy with. Each time you get in just mentally take yourself through what you will do when you turn left, picture yourself driving in the right, etc. You will get used to it much faster than you think. You could take yourself through some of the online guides e.g www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Adjust-to-Driving-a-Car-on-the-Right-Side-of-the-Road%3famp=1

Look online and familiarise yourself with the road signs of the country.

You have passed your test, you have good driving skills. You are a capable adult. It’s only having had a man around to drive abroad that has meant you haven’t done it before.

Take things that will make the most of your magical location. Coloured torches and glow sticks (if allowed in luggage), hot choc, make sure the children are not restricted by having not-warm-enough clothes, etc.

Jubaju · 20/08/2021 08:49

I’d go without him. I wouldn’t let his selfish behaviour spoil our families life.

I’d also up his life insurance just in case he catches covid 😏

PersephoneJames · 20/08/2021 08:52

Did he vote brexit? As if we were still in the EU he could have used the EU green pass. I’d still go without him as it’s his choice not to vaccinate he’s brought it on himself and if he voted brexit he’s brought it on himself doubly.

Honestly what sort of a man expects their kids to miss out on a lifetime holiday so he can spite the government. The government don’t know he exists and if they did they’d be laughing at him.

You can drive abroad. If you have a driving license then you’ll find it to be easier than in the UKs, the roads are great there!

CoraPirbright · 20/08/2021 08:53

Everyone is talking great sense OP and Withlovefrommyselftoyourself makes it sound magical!

I am staggered by the selfishness of your ‘d’h! Not getting vaccinated is his choice I guess (Hmm) but to then suggest that your holiday be abandoned is self centred beyond belief! And it’s not as if it is a usual bucket and spade job and you are dragging grumpy teens along who would rather be elsewhere. This is a once in a life time job where your kids are going to be so utterly delighted in every way - it is going to be a thrill to see!

Screw your courage to the sticking place and go - you will be so glad you did! (And make sure you have really warm footwear. I get really cold feet.)

Sadiecow · 20/08/2021 08:53

Definitely go without him!

Terhou · 20/08/2021 08:53

Does he really expect the family never to have a holiday abroad again? You really can't deprive the children of this experience because he's being such a twat. I suspect that this will just be the start of a number of holidays you have to take independently without him. Make sure you familiarise yourself with the relevant driving requirements and that you have a suitable vehicle, and go for it.

BoredZelda · 20/08/2021 08:54

The driving is easy, you soon get the hang of it. Take a friend and enjoy the holiday.

LannieDuck · 20/08/2021 08:56

It's a choice not to get vaccinated, and therefore a choice not to come on holiday with you. Definitely option 1.

lifesgoodwithlg · 20/08/2021 08:57

100% go without him. It's everyone's decision to get a vaccine but then you live with the consequences. My partner was vaccine reluctant and I said no worries, date night is going to be cheap . Go and don't deprive your children, think of it why should 3 people lose out because someone else's choice.

GallowwayGirl88 · 20/08/2021 08:57

Person wants to see long term data before getting a drug - a drug which the makers of have said is still in a trial phase and cannot be held responsible for any negative side effects.
Mumsnet - “omg how selfish” Shock

OP - difficult situation for you, if you can take a friend/ family member with you I would. I’m sure lots of people would jump at the chance to go on such a fabulous sounding holiday!

userxx · 20/08/2021 09:00

@GallowwayGirl88 Yep.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/08/2021 09:07

If he couldn't get the vaccine because of contraindications then I'd go with option 2.

He is perfectly within his rights to choose not to get a vaccine regardless of what any of us think. However it is not unreasonable that he expects this choice to impact his families choices. I'd be going without him

BigFatLiar · 20/08/2021 09:07

Just go and enjoy a trip to see Santa. Take a friend if you can but go anyway. Do the kids know about the trip, if so they'll be looking forward to it, don't disappoint them.

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 20/08/2021 09:07

It is unreasonable, not not unreasonable 🤦‍♀️

PersephoneJames · 20/08/2021 09:09

@userxx @GallowwayGirl88 the selfishness is expecting his kids and wife to cancel a much anticipated holiday because he can’t go (through his own choice).

A decent father would be waving them off. And paying for a Santa to visit their accommodation with a present from Daddy or something.

Disfordarkchocolate · 20/08/2021 09:11

I'd go without him. His actions, his consequences. You will manage this fine.

nanbread · 20/08/2021 09:13

Could you take a friend or relative with experience of driving abroad?

How much driving would there be?

Terhou · 20/08/2021 09:15

Person wants to see long term data before getting a drug - a drug which the makers of have said is still in a trial phase and cannot be held responsible for any negative side effects
Mumsnet - “omg how selfish”

It's not the refusal to have the vaccine that people are saying is selfish, it's the expectation that the rest of the family will cancel a holiday. I can't avoid the feeling that his supporters are deliberately choosing to close their eyes to this.