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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 20/08/2021 00:18

Definitely go. Driving on the ‘wrong’ side doesn’t take long to get used to because of the steering wheel being ‘right’ iyswim. I had to take a hire car through Palermo with small DC on my own and it was terrifying (think a three lane highway but Sicilians pretend there’s are four lanes!). We had an amazing holiday. It’s surprisingly empowering to do something outside your comfort zone.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 20/08/2021 00:19

@Booboosweet

I just couldn't with someone who refused to get vaccinated what an idiot. Here in Ireland you have to show a certificate that says you have both vaccinations done to every restaurant or hotel etc... you want to go to. He's going to severely limit himself.
Agreed.

He sees this approach as the government trying control him though or force him into getting vaccinated.

I struggle to have a conversation with him on it. I have to just walk away and agree to disagree.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 20/08/2021 00:21

Just seen your update. He would rather your DC didn’t go on a trip to see FC that’s been planned since 2019 because he doesn’t want a vaccine? What an arse. Yeah they’ll miss him for about 10 minutes and they’ll be too busy having a fantastic time. I hope you go… don’t bottle it.

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 20/08/2021 00:23

@Divebar2021

I would ask him if he’s expecting his family to forego holidays forever because he doesn’t want to be vaccinated? Perhaps there’s a solution to the driving? How much will there be? Is there a possibility of public transport or possibly a friend to help. Or failing that transferring the holiday to a package without driving. Whatever the option proceed as you are going.
I think he’d quite happily not go on holiday unfortunately. This point (whatever it is) is more important.

We’ve organised a DIY holiday so no option to switch. And purposely went for a remote cabin in the woods to get a rustic and wintery atmosphere.

So no public transport. Not huge distances away from activities and town, but I’m told taxi’s can be very expensive.

OP posts:
Divebar2021 · 20/08/2021 00:27

God it sounds amazing. Can I come? Smile
I bet there won’t be much traffic in comparison to the U.K. and they will be very efficient about the snow.

SunscreenCentral · 20/08/2021 00:28

Was reading an article today about a couple who in the US have both died (unvaccinated) leaving 4 children. One of them was a neo-natal nurse.
The mind just boggles
Sorry about your issue OP, it's a difficult one and your dh is a fucking idiot
.

Sweettea1 · 20/08/2021 00:29

Why should you an dc miss out? Likely hood is he will never get on a plane again if he doesn't get vaccines so you need to get used to holidaying alone.

QueenBee52 · 20/08/2021 00:30

Option One

LumpyandBumps · 20/08/2021 00:32

Maybe what you save on on his food and drink will cover the cost of taxis?

timeisnotaline · 20/08/2021 00:36

Just seen your update. He would rather your DC didn’t go on a trip to see FC that’s been planned since 2019 because he doesn’t want a vaccine?
What parent chooses for their dc not to have an amazing holiday they’ve planned for months? If he were a decent dad he’d be thinking of ways to help you make it work solo rather than blocking it, so his free choices don’t limit his children. It’s not like he’s disabled (although he might be after he gets COVID as an unvaccinated person). I would definitely go.

1stTimeMama · 20/08/2021 00:41

I would be upping the excitement for your holiday from right now and making him see what he'll be missing out on. I'm astonished any parent would be so selfish as to deny their child this opportunity! I'd be really quite angry with him to be honest, he can make whatever choice he wants for himself, but to insist you all the limit your lives to suit him? I don't think so. I
Go, enjoy every single minute. Lone parents take their children on holiday all the time, of course you can do it!

MiddleEasternMummy · 20/08/2021 00:45

Without a doubt go without him ! Find a friend to go with . It's absolutely absurd that your children should miss out because he chooses not to be vaccinated. He sounds incredibly selfish ... for not being vaccinated and for wanting to deprive his children of a trip they are probably excited about . He's an arse 🤬

WineInTheBlood · 20/08/2021 00:48

Definitely Dutch him and go! As if he wants your children to miss out because he doesn't want the vaccine. Screw that.

Do you have a friend or someone in your family who could take his ticket? It shouldn't cost too much to change the name on the plane ticket. Not that you need another adult with you, but you might enjoy it more 🤷‍♀️

WineInTheBlood · 20/08/2021 00:49

*ditch not Dutch 😄

Saoirse82 · 20/08/2021 00:52

I would absolutely go without him. I can't believe how selfish he's being that he'd let his kids miss the holiday of a life time because he's too ignorant to get vaccinated. Selfish prick. Go without him, ask a friend/family member to go with you bit don't miss out. It's not fair on the kids especially.

ElizabethTudor · 20/08/2021 00:53

Definitely Option 1.
Might make him realise what an absolute idiot he’s being if you carry on regardless.

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 20/08/2021 00:59

I'd go without him since there is no medical reason why he can't be vaccinated, why should you and your children put your life on hold for the foreseeable

pleasekeeptotheright · 20/08/2021 01:01

Christ, what a wanker.

I'd act completely confident with the driving (you'll be fine by the way, their roads will be well prepared and quiet) and I'd go.

The pictures will look fantastic without him there and when anyone asked I would be telling them the truth. That he values conspiracy theorists on fbook over his own family.

Snugglybuggly · 20/08/2021 01:05

Go without him!

Sunnygold · 20/08/2021 01:11

I’d go without him. He’s being a selfish idiot. There’s absolutely no reason he can’t get vaccinated other than pure stupidity.

SD1978 · 20/08/2021 01:26

You go yourself. He's chosen to curtail any chance of travel out of the UK- his choice. He doesn't get to dictate that you never get to go. If he's that upset.......go yourself and leave the kids with him for company......

mamas12 · 20/08/2021 01:56

Take your mum or your sister
You have to go! Come on how could you not!
He will come around or if he doesn’t that is his problem
Please start thinking possitively About all the issues you mentioned and do
come up with solutions as he Will probably say you can’t cope or the kids will miss him so think about all the benefits for the family and tell him vaccinate and join in with the family fun because this is the future now missing out on family life

Marty13 · 20/08/2021 02:00

In your place I'd go. And I'd see if a friend or family member wouldn't fancy tagging along (either paying their own way or sharing the cost with you, if you can't switch or refund your husband's bookings).

Chunkymenrock · 20/08/2021 02:06

Ffs, what's so special about him that means he won't have a safe vaccine that millions upon millions of people have had, to protect themselves and others? Eye rollingly pathetic. I'm afraid I have no tolerance for this shit. You do what works for you, OP. Could you take a parent?

HerMammy · 20/08/2021 02:23

Does he pay tax? vehicle tax? national insurance? does he take medications? if he’s yes to all that he’s definitely a wanker with his ‘oh I’m being controlled’ shite.
Go your holiday, he is no longer required!