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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 20/08/2021 09:19

He may be within his rights to refuse the vaccine, but he’s not within his rights to expose his family to a greater risk than is the case otherwise.

I wouldn’t be able to continue to live with someone who took that stance.

GallowwayGirl88 · 20/08/2021 09:22

@Foxyloxy1plus1

He may be within his rights to refuse the vaccine, but he’s not within his rights to expose his family to a greater risk than is the case otherwise.

I wouldn’t be able to continue to live with someone who took that stance.

By that logic going on holiday is putting them at a greater risk also?
Hathertonhariden · 20/08/2021 09:24

@ilovebagpuss

Everything this says beyond what’s going on with the holiday is just depressing. He’s willing for the family to miss out on a lovely treat holiday because he’s a douche bag. In fact he’s asking for you all to miss out because he’s the king of the family and you must all stay at home and not remind him of the things he’s missing because of his decision. That’s the bit for me that says he’s a wrong un in every way.
This
PersephoneJames · 20/08/2021 09:24

How?

Benjispruce5 · 20/08/2021 09:26

I think he is BU to want you and his children to miss this because he doesn’t eat the vaccine. If he is that against it , he should still be doing all he can to help you get there.

Benjispruce5 · 20/08/2021 09:26

Want not eat

dustofneptune · 20/08/2021 09:26

His body, his choice. I don't have a problem with him deciding not to get the vaccine. It's up to him, and he shouldn't be shamed or forced.

However, suggesting the rest of you skip the trip seems really selfish to me. Has he made any other suggestions? Can you be refunded? Has he asked if you'd be willing to do something as a family, somewhere else? Curious about how he worded it.

As for whether you should go anyway. If you're worried because you don't want to upset/abandon him, I'd say it's a non-issue. He has made a choice that has consequences for travel.

If it's that you're scared to drive, not sure you want to be alone there, etc., then it's just a decision about whether you're willing to give it a shot. You wouldn't be unreasonable in either case.

woodfort · 20/08/2021 09:30

I would try desperately to find a way to go without him so taking another family member for help. It sounds amazing and very much “once in a lifetime”.

I’d respect his choice to choose for himself and not get vaccinated but not to the point where it stops you enjoying your life. He is free to stay unvaccinated but unfortunately it means no holidays for the foreseeable future for him. The rest of the family shouldn’t be negatively impacted by this.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 20/08/2021 09:30

Go without him.
He's refusing to get vaccinated, that's his choice. But every choice has consequences. His is that you can go places he can't 🤷‍♀️

CrazyCatStory · 20/08/2021 09:30

Wow, what an arse.

Go. The country (and vehicles) will be geared up for coping with snow, so it will be safer than driving in the occasion snow we get here.

LagunaBubbles · 20/08/2021 09:31

He sees this approach as the government trying control him though or force him into getting vaccinated.

Control him in what way? By protecting him from a deadly virus?

deste · 20/08/2021 09:32

(the snow looked like tiny diamonds) That’s one of the things I remembered when I took my daughter and realised that was why Christmas cards had glitter in them. Don’t let the kids miss out on the most magical experience ever. Just make sure they are wearing really warm clothes as it really is cold.

TheGenealogist · 20/08/2021 09:33

@PineapplePrincess

He’s not entertaining the idea of getting vaccinated.

He’s not generally anti-vax. But is on the Covid one.

Choices have consequences.

The consequence in this case is that he misses his holiday.

Notaroadrunner · 20/08/2021 09:36

Definitely go. Is there anyone else who would go with you - parent, sibling or friend? I certainly wouldn't be putting my life on hold because he's a selfish twat wanting you all to miss out.

timeisnotaline · 20/08/2021 09:36

@GallowwayGirl88

Person wants to see long term data before getting a drug - a drug which the makers of have said is still in a trial phase and cannot be held responsible for any negative side effects. Mumsnet - “omg how selfish” Shock

OP - difficult situation for you, if you can take a friend/ family member with you I would. I’m sure lots of people would jump at the chance to go on such a fabulous sounding holiday!

There are many many posts saying it’s his choice to get a vaccine. That has consequences, being he can’t go on the booked holiday. A good dad would wave his kids off to have a magical time.
chalamet · 20/08/2021 09:36

I think it’s important that he has the choice not to have the vaccine even if it’s a choice I don’t agree with.

I also think it’s incredibly shitty of him to expect his small children to miss out on this because of his beliefs. What does he say when you ask him how he feels about forcing them to miss the holiday because of his individual choice?

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 20/08/2021 09:37

As he is unvaccinated by choice he is going to have to suck up the consequences which will include him missing out on holidays. It is unfair for him to expect you and his DC to miss out because of his decision. You should crack on and go if you feel comfortable with it. I don’t think he gets a say in this scenario. Would be different if it was due to a medical exemption so he couldn’t get the vaccination even if he wanted it.

BlowDryRat · 20/08/2021 09:38

Just go. The driving will be fine - the roads are wider than here and the cars are kitted out for winter. Get an automatic if you can afford the extra £ to take some of the thinking out of it.

Your DC will have the most amazing time. You will probably be knackered but will enjoy it too and when you get home you can hand them over to your DH so you can have a day or two recovery time.

JRKismyhero · 20/08/2021 09:39

Why on earth should you all cancel because he's being incredibly selfish? Idiot man.

Tal45 · 20/08/2021 09:40

Definitely go. Can he PCR to get in the country and then WFH while he isolates after? Or can you cancel your accommodation and book somewhere more central? I don't think I'd want to be driving in snowy conditions with kids alone in a country I didn't know and then staying in the middle of nowhere.

Heliachi · 20/08/2021 09:41

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DeathStare · 20/08/2021 09:43

@GallowwayGirl88

Person wants to see long term data before getting a drug - a drug which the makers of have said is still in a trial phase and cannot be held responsible for any negative side effects. Mumsnet - “omg how selfish” Shock

OP - difficult situation for you, if you can take a friend/ family member with you I would. I’m sure lots of people would jump at the chance to go on such a fabulous sounding holiday!

Leaving aside my own personal stance on the vaccine, the unselfish stance would be for him to not expect his family to cancel their holiday because of his choice. So yes he is selfish.
Heliachi · 20/08/2021 09:43

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GallowwayGirl88 · 20/08/2021 09:44

@timeisnotaline
There are posts saying it’s his choice, but there’s also a lot of name calling and “I couldn’t be with someone like him”, calling him self-centred for making his own medical decisions etc.

There is no need for nasty name calling.

ittakes2 · 20/08/2021 09:45

You mentioned christmasy pictures - does that mean you are going at christmas time? Your hubsand is being a dick but I would take into acccount how your kids feel spending christmas without him.