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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday without him….?

555 replies

PineapplePrincess · 19/08/2021 23:57

Holiday booked for December. Me, DH and 2DC. Booked pre-pandemic.

Hubby is not vaccinated and country doesn't currently allow unvaccinated people entry. It’s unlikely to change position before we travel.

Option 1 - we go without him.

Option 2 - we abandon the holiday.

Husband is in favour of Option 2.

I’m wondering whether I could manage Option 1. Biggest difficulty other than keeping an eye on both kids in a foreign country, is driving - I’ve never done it outside of the UK and it would be in winter conditions.

Would it be unreasonable for me to consider going without him….?

OP posts:
Driftingblue · 20/08/2021 02:33

I’d go without him.
Consider taking a relative or friend along if you have someone appropriate in your life who could be another adult who would both enjoy the experience and help ease the burden of doing it solo.
I also wouldn’t hesitate to spend more of your joint funds on making the trip easier on yourself because he is massively letting you and the kid’s down here.

arcof · 20/08/2021 02:38

Option 3 - LTB

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 20/08/2021 02:40

Go!!! You'll be fine driving & this is a trip of a lifetime for you and your DC and something really really special. You'll be so cross if you don't go, and I suspect will regret it (& resent him for it) forever. And you'll feel so chuffed when you realise you've managed it without him!

Oceanbliss · 20/08/2021 03:01

Another vote for option 1. You and the kids will have a wonderful experience. If you don’t go, you and the kids might regret it and feel sad that you missed out on something wonderful that you have all anticipated.

If Dh doesn’t like it explain that you support him in making his own decision about vaccination and that he ought to support your own decision not to give up a holiday that you and the kids really want to go on.

Newestname001 · 20/08/2021 03:04

I'd go without him, possibly taking someone fully vaccinated and sensible with you who also enjoy this break.

I'd also gear up for future holidays if this is the stance he's taken or you and the children will forever be constrained by his thinking. 🌹

Blondebakingmumma · 20/08/2021 03:09

I’d be really cross with my husband if he was selfish enough to take the experience away from the kids so he can ‘make a point’. I’d be having very stern words

WilsonandNoodles · 20/08/2021 03:19

Hire a male nanny that can drive to go with you. Make sure he is a young attractive one!

1forAll74 · 20/08/2021 03:29

Can you not get another person to go with you for driving purposes,, preferably a man,in case you have car problems, and he can fix things.!!

VashtaNerada · 20/08/2021 03:35

Hang around outside your nearest vaccination centre and pick up another husband Grin Seriously though, it is so morally wrong not to get vaccinated especially when you have children, just go without him. I would also be making it absolutely clear how you feel about him not getting vaccinated. What an idiot.

StoppinBy · 20/08/2021 03:37

He would be very selfish to stop you all going based on the fact that he can't go.

I would certainly see if a friend or family member could make it with me.

I do understand the trepidation he feels towards the vax so I wont judge him on that but purely on him trying to spoil the fun for everyone cos he can't go.

HomeTheatreSystem · 20/08/2021 03:43

Definitely go without him. There's no reason why you should be deprived of this very special holiday because of his choices. Already more and more countries want to see evidence of vaccination before allowing travel without isolation or quarantine periods, so what does that mean for future travel abroad for you all? Will you really never go anywhere abroad again because of his choice to remain unvaccinated. Funny how he said he's feeling controlled: hopefully that means he'll respect and support your choice to travel anyway Grin

HerRoyalNotness · 20/08/2021 04:00

You can do it! It will be amazing. No way would I cancel a trip because of an H being an arse. I’ve done a few trips with just the kids and it’s more enjoyable 😉. I have lost my confidence in the last few years and had a wobble over our summer holiday, but I did it. Drove 2700 miles in 7 states with 3 DC! I didn’t quite get all the stops and things of interest right, but we did it and had a fun time.

DreamTheMoors · 20/08/2021 04:27

@PineapplePrincess

He’s not entertaining the idea of getting vaccinated.

He’s not generally anti-vax. But is on the Covid one.

In the USA, we’re into the fourth wave — especially in Florida & Louisiana & Texas. 99.5% of the people in the hospital on ventilators are unvaccinated. 99.5% of the people dying are unvaccinated. Delta variant. They’re calling it the pandemic of the unvaccinate and that it’s not if they’ll catch it but when. The anti-vaxxers are helping COVID mutate into different, more dangerous variants and it PISSES ME OFF.
mayblossominapril · 20/08/2021 05:03

@coconutpie

Then go without him or bring a friend / family member in his place. Why should you cancel your holiday with the DC because he chooses not to get vaccinated?
Yes this option, take someone else
timeisnotaline · 20/08/2021 05:45

Remember this will not be a one off. This is how travel will be. The sooner he realises that means he misses out, not simply that you are now a family that can’t travel because of his choices, the better. You aren’t making this effort to manage it solo just for this one holiday although that would be absolutely worth it given what a magical kids holiday it is, but also for all the future holidays. The sooner he gets vaccinated the sooner he can join his family on them.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/08/2021 07:30

Can you try changing the accommodation to somewhere that is on a public transport link or is not so isolated. Taking another adult is a good call too
Definitely go. Why should you miss out because of his choices??

ivykaty44 · 20/08/2021 07:33

go on holiday without him, its otherwise going to mean you're not able to go if each and every place needs a vaccination - which is likely for most places abroad

as for the driving, its fine diving on the other side of the road and get an automatic if you can

DismantledKing · 20/08/2021 07:35

He’s a deluded selfish twat. Go without him.

manywildhorses · 20/08/2021 07:39

Could you try to change your accommodation so that you don’t need to drive?

Sparkletastic · 20/08/2021 07:46

Be brave snd go without him. You might find that a lot of experiences are perfectly possible and in fact even more enjoyable without him. That might give him pause for thought.

parietal · 20/08/2021 07:47

We went to Finland in winter 2019 and DJ doesn't drive. I was a bit nervous of the driving but it was fine. Much easier than England The cars all have snow tyres and don't slip.

But do take a friend if you can just for the adult company. Do you have a mum or sister who would like to join.

MoiraRose4 · 20/08/2021 07:50

Absolutely go without him. I bet he changes his mind about the vaccine pretty quickly when he sees you won’t bow down and will happily leave him behind.

chipsandpeas · 20/08/2021 07:54

go without him

Kithic · 20/08/2021 07:57

@PineapplePrincess

He’s not entertaining the idea of getting vaccinated.

He’s not generally anti-vax. But is on the Covid one.

As its a choice not to get the vax, then go without him
Caterinasballerinas · 20/08/2021 07:57

I think because this is going to be the issue with all holidays if he maintains his stance that he won’t get vaccinated. You might have limitations for many destinations so I think you need to stand firm that you won’t let him dictate holidays.