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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids running at birds/ducks

209 replies

Mama1993 · 19/08/2021 21:38

Took my 3 y/o DS to the zoo today with his cousin. They were VERY excitable - running around laughing and jumping etc.

We sat down for our picnic on the grass. Lots of birds around. Now I know that children shouldnt run after birds as it distresses them but a lot of them do and don't seem to understand it's not a game.

My son was running around playing and he either ran towards a duck to run after it or was running and didn't see it (I didn't see fully) anyway he tripped on the duck which I saw and shouted 'CAREFUL!' albeit in a different language so other people wouldn't have understood.

Now this elderly woman who was sat on a bench with her husband started screaming at my DS 'HOW DARE YOU!' repeatedly. I was so shocked that I can't actually remember what else she said but she as angry!

I told her it wasnt on purpose but she was adamant that it was. I told her I knew my son and that he wouldn't deliberately kick a duck, to which she sarcastically replies 'do you???' over and over.

I don't like confrontation but AIBU to think this woman was well out of order shouting at a 3 year old?

I took my son aside afterwards and told him again how it's not nice to run at birds as it scares them. He was really upset by the whole thing (as I'm sure the duck was too! But it was 100% an accident)

OP posts:
Veryverycalmnow · 19/08/2021 22:46

And I agree with pp that if you eat meat you can fuck off with your concern for the duck. They're treated like shit when being 'processed'

aSofaNearYou · 19/08/2021 22:47

Sorry OP but YABU. The lady shouted because it is common for parents not to teach their kids not to do this, which is not a good thing. Just see it as a teachable moment and tell him not to do it again.

Ttbhappy · 19/08/2021 22:48

It's the parents responsibility no need to shout at a 3 year old as that is quite mean.

PeterCorbeau · 19/08/2021 22:49

Fault on both sides I think. DD is 2.5 and LOVES ducks so we've had to work really hard at stopping her wanting to go near to them and even though she now knows she has to be a safe distance and is pretty good at standing and watching from afar, I still watch her like a hawk cos, you know, toddler. So if he was able to get that near he actually tripped over one, I'd feel like I'd dropped the ball a bit. It's not nice for the duck, and I hate seeing kids chasing birds and never let DD run at them or chase, just like she's not allowed to chase our pets at home.

But I don't think the woman needed to react the way she did.

Cam2020 · 19/08/2021 22:49

The woman was out of line though. She could have said something to you without the hysterics if she thought your child had kicked the duck, she sounds unhinged.

BasicB · 19/08/2021 22:53

@annacondom

It really pains me to see children running at birds. Their parents should teach them not to. This topic was on MN a few years ago and although a lot of posters said it was BU, several people seemed to think it does no harm. OP, you are making excuses.
Learning is a process. Three year olds are not perfectly behaved - they still have tantrums and do things they know they shouldn’t. It’s not like you tell a child something once and they never do it again is it? OP knows her child was doing something wrong, she is hardly encouraging him to kick the duck - most posters on here suggest OP is a lax parent who should ‘control’ her child. It’s just a complete overreaction.

And the ‘animal cruelty’ issue is of course valid. People happy to eat animals stunned, and fed until their legs break, but accuse OP of lax parenting because her 3 year old may or may not have tripped over a duck.

DroopyClematis · 19/08/2021 22:54

OP, your child saw wildlfowl close by. Your child , naturally, gravitated towards it.
'It' flew away. No harm done.
The people who objected probably write, longhand, to The Guardian about people parking outside their house.

aSofaNearYou · 19/08/2021 23:00

@Cam2020

The woman was out of line though. She could have said something to you without the hysterics if she thought your child had kicked the duck, she sounds unhinged.
I don't think she sounds unhinged if that's what it looked like, though. It sounds like she got the wrong end of the stick and reacted according to that, so she isn't faultless, but I think if a kid gets close enough to trip over a duck, it could quite easily look like he kicked it deliberately. That would be a far more reasonable thing for a stranger to respond to, and a good reason for a parent to ensure it doesn't happen.
craftyminer · 19/08/2021 23:02

What's the big deal about chasing birds? Thought that was a normal thing for little kids to do. I'd often throw a stone near a seagull at the beach to scare it and stop it squeaking at my picnic.

And the duck will be fine, what a lot of hysteria. The woman shouldn't have said anything to your child and I'm not against telling strangers kids off if they're being rough in playgrounds etc

54321nought · 19/08/2021 23:05

@HasselbackForLife

Also the whole 'control your child' thing is so unfeminist. It is never, ever said to a man. It's a way of making mums struggling with young children feel bad about themselves. Children do stupid things, get off your high, sad horse and stop blaming tired and stressed out mums
I would absolutely say it to a man.

You are being sexist in judging this to be a comment only to be levelled at women.

The OPs 3 year old was allowed to hurt an animal. There is no excuse for that ever. Of course he is only 3, and not fully developed morally, never the less, many 3 year olds I know would have enough empathy not to want to hurt a duck, and would have enough of a moral compass to know it was wrong.

Either way, no 3 year old should be ever given the opportunity to hurt an animal.

The parent, either parent, both parents, male and female parents need to control their children so this doesn't happen

Bobmonkfish · 19/08/2021 23:09

It is never acceptable to shout repeatedly at a small child in that way.

This. Did people not read the OP?

Hellotoallmyfans · 19/08/2021 23:09

Oh FGS it was an accident.

The woman sounds batshit.

Bobmonkfish · 19/08/2021 23:10

What's the big deal about chasing birds? Thought that was a normal thing for little kids to do

Also this.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 19/08/2021 23:11

Why is it a normal thing to do for kids to harass the local wildlife Confused

It really shouldn’t be.

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 23:12

54321 - Fair enough. I was just annoyed when I wrote that post. I just think 'control your child' is a shitty thing to say to any parent. It's really nasty. It's not like you're not trying to do that nearly all of the time but accidents do happen and kids, famously do stupid things. And it is (usually) the mums who carry the guilt about it.

Bobmonkfish · 19/08/2021 23:12

OP a woman once shouted at my son because he was crying when we got on the bus. He was crying because the bus was blue, not orange. He was also three. Some people are just really nasty I'm afraid.

WitchBaby · 19/08/2021 23:15

What's the big deal about chasing birds? Thought that was a normal thing for little kids to do.

God give me strength Hmm

BasicB · 19/08/2021 23:15

@SmidgenofaPigeon

Why is it a normal thing to do for kids to harass the local wildlife Confused

It really shouldn’t be.

It’s not ‘harassing’ them though is it, children run towards things that interest them. The slide in the park, an interesting looking stick, an apple at snack time, a group of pigeons in the park. Or whatever. They don’t think ‘I’m going to go over there and boot that duck.’ Of course parents should tell them not to and explain why, but 3 year olds are impulsive and life isn’t perfect
JayDot500 · 19/08/2021 23:18

@MareofBeasttown

OP's poor kid will be Ted Bundy by the end of this thread.
This 🤣🤣🤣
GreenTortoise · 19/08/2021 23:23

What child doesn't run towards a bird? Same as the way dogs do it but don't accuse dogs of being out of control.

Birds can fly away.

He did get too close on this occasion but I'm sure he's learnt his lesson to o my run towards pigeons and seagulls now.

GreenTortoise · 19/08/2021 23:23

Only*

Cam2020 · 19/08/2021 23:26

I don't think she sounds unhinged if that's what it looked like, though. It sounds like she got the wrong end of the stick and reacted according to that, so she isn't faultless, but I think if a kid gets close enough to trip over a duck, it could quite easily look like he kicked it deliberately. That would be a far more reasonable thing for a stranger to respond to, and a good reason for a parent to ensure it doesn't happen.

According to the OP, she repeatedly screamed 'how dare you?' at a three year old - I still maintain that sounds unhinged. If she had screamed 'stop' and had a, go at the child's parent, I could understand that.

Choccorocco · 19/08/2021 23:27

Honestly? Sounds like he kicked the duck. Not a big deal from a 3 year old, they’re still learning about the world, and it’s an opportunity to teach him to not kick ducks!

TheFairyCaravan · 19/08/2021 23:28

What's the big deal about chasing birds? Thought that was a normal thing for little kids to do

Don’t be so ridiculous. Of course it’s not. You absolutely shouldn’t let your child chase anything. It stresses any animal out to be chased around, fgs.

You’re in the wrong @Mama1993. You didn’t see what happened, the woman did. Your DS a ay have kicked the duck and injured it. Instead of getting all pissed off with the woman, chalk it up to experience, teach DS not to chase the birds and keep a closer eye on him in future.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 19/08/2021 23:33

@GreenTortoise

What child doesn't run towards a bird? Same as the way dogs do it but don't accuse dogs of being out of control.

Birds can fly away.

He did get too close on this occasion but I'm sure he's learnt his lesson to o my run towards pigeons and seagulls now.

Children with shit parents run towards birds.

Seriously how is it ok to let your kid do this?

Dogs are animals. HTG

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