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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids running at birds/ducks

209 replies

Mama1993 · 19/08/2021 21:38

Took my 3 y/o DS to the zoo today with his cousin. They were VERY excitable - running around laughing and jumping etc.

We sat down for our picnic on the grass. Lots of birds around. Now I know that children shouldnt run after birds as it distresses them but a lot of them do and don't seem to understand it's not a game.

My son was running around playing and he either ran towards a duck to run after it or was running and didn't see it (I didn't see fully) anyway he tripped on the duck which I saw and shouted 'CAREFUL!' albeit in a different language so other people wouldn't have understood.

Now this elderly woman who was sat on a bench with her husband started screaming at my DS 'HOW DARE YOU!' repeatedly. I was so shocked that I can't actually remember what else she said but she as angry!

I told her it wasnt on purpose but she was adamant that it was. I told her I knew my son and that he wouldn't deliberately kick a duck, to which she sarcastically replies 'do you???' over and over.

I don't like confrontation but AIBU to think this woman was well out of order shouting at a 3 year old?

I took my son aside afterwards and told him again how it's not nice to run at birds as it scares them. He was really upset by the whole thing (as I'm sure the duck was too! But it was 100% an accident)

OP posts:
HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:31

Also the whole 'control your child' thing is so unfeminist. It is never, ever said to a man. It's a way of making mums struggling with young children feel bad about themselves. Children do stupid things, get off your high, sad horse and stop blaming tired and stressed out mums

Stompythedinosaur · 19/08/2021 22:32

She shouldn't have shouted at a young child.

You shouldn't have allowed a situation where your child harmed an animal.

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:32

Also, also, also, I bet most of you eat duck at the Chinese! Unless your are vegan, I don't think you have any morals here at all

Creamsoda77 · 19/08/2021 22:33

@HasselbackForLife

Also the whole 'control your child' thing is so unfeminist. It is never, ever said to a man. It's a way of making mums struggling with young children feel bad about themselves. Children do stupid things, get off your high, sad horse and stop blaming tired and stressed out mums
My reply would be the same if it were mother, or a father, you should never let a child run at an animal like that and harm it,never
BasicB · 19/08/2021 22:33

@MareofBeasttown

I am clearly a lousy parent because I am on OP's side..Haven't small children already had a terrible time this last year without being chastised for running around? I don't think it is such " bad behaviour" either. Certainly not so awful.that it needs to be called out in public.
Me too! So far OP is a ‘lax parent’, another poster would have also happily shouted at her 3 year old, she needs to ‘control her child’….I assume each and every person has/had beautifully behaved 3 year olds who behaved perfectly all the time.

Of course it’s not OK to run at birds but the child is 3, and still learning Confused

BasicB · 19/08/2021 22:34

@HasselbackForLife

Oh my god Mumsnet brigade are ridiculous sometimes. The women was completely out of order to shout at you. Her reaction is never ok and she was incredibly rude. Your son was probably a bit too active but name a 3 year old that isn't?! Next time, sit a bit further away from the ducks. Lesson learnt. Don't let the 'up-tight-perfect-parents-with-perfect-children-who never-did-anything-wrong-ever' get you down.
Completely agree. This thread is insane
CakeandGo · 19/08/2021 22:35

@supersonicginandtonic yeah but OP’s child hasn’t had a chance to kick ducks in ages because of covid.

You are wrong OP. You should have been watching your child and at 3 they should know not to do this. Poor duck. I hope it wasn’t injured.

Fudgein · 19/08/2021 22:35

I think you're getting a really hard time OP. Of course your child shouldn't chase birds but from your perspective he was running around playing & the birds just happened to be nearby. As soon as you noticed a problem you called him over and reprimanded him. I was out last week and a boy around 8 or 9 was chasing geese near a pond, being really vindictive. His parents didn't seem to care but when he came near us I asked him if he could stop which he did no problem. I would NEVER shout at anyone in public unless they were in imminent danger i.e. about to run into traffic, let alone a THREE YEAR OLD. It's not good that OP's son chased the duck (if he did) however that absolutely doesn't give a stranger a right to keep shouting at him imo.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/08/2021 22:36

Op I'm on your side.

Its a big open space where families sit and habe picnics and the kids run around. If you don't want kids running around you, you find a picnic table.

That kind of space is going to have birds on. It isn't a designated piece of land for birds. Its free grass and the birds are hoping for lunch. Its ridiculous to think that no one should sit on the grass the zoo permits people to sit on because a bird might want to go on it too.

Its very unlikely for a small child to be able to get close enough to a bird to kick it and to actually land the kick given kids shitty coordination and birds not being overly tolerant of being near kids. So on the balance of probability, it sounds more likely he ran into it / fell over it.

You did the right thing by talking to him, but you weren't unreasonable to allow him to run around open grass meant for families to use.

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:36

Creamsoda - I presume you are vegan then? Genuine question

surreygirl1987 · 19/08/2021 22:37

Whoah. OP I'm sorry you're getting attacked like this. I don't think you're being unreasonable. Yes, you should probably have been keeping a close eye on your child but we've all been there. I was busy with my 1 year old in the playground today and definitely took my eyes of my 2 year old multiple times! He could have tripped over many ducks and seagulls and I might not have noticed. I personally once tripped over a small dog. Nobody yelled at me over it - the owner came and apologised for it running underfoot. But I digress. Basically, if the woman had a problem she should have come to you, not yelled at your 3 year old child. That's the bottom line imo. She was out of order.

EvenRosesHaveThorns · 19/08/2021 22:37

Really hate kids doing this. Poor duck

Creamsoda77 · 19/08/2021 22:38

@HasselbackForLife

Creamsoda - I presume you are vegan then? Genuine question
Being vegan has nothing to do with the situation
HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:38

You just said you would never hurt and animal ever?

Creamsoda77 · 19/08/2021 22:40

I said, never let a child run at an animal and harm it so don't be so ridiculous .

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:42

Mate, I think you need to rethink your values, or at the very least, your logic.

BasicB · 19/08/2021 22:43

@HasselbackForLife

You just said you would never hurt and animal ever?
Well it does doesn’t it? The animals we eat for food live more stressful lives than a duck does in the park does being tripped over by a small child
BasicB · 19/08/2021 22:43

Sorry - quoted the wrong comment there ^^

Cam2020 · 19/08/2021 22:43

Also the whole 'control your child' thing is so unfeminist. It is never, ever said to a man.

WTF? Of course it is - in fact a friend of mine has quite vehemently berated a man who was not paying enough attention to their child.

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:43

Quite right

Veryverycalmnow · 19/08/2021 22:44

OP, these things happen and you will probably make sure it doesn't happen again, but really- that woman repeatedly saying how dare you to a 3- year old child? Sounds absolutely bonkers. I am an animal lover, but also children and their feelings are important!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 19/08/2021 22:45

Yanbu if it's an area where lots of people feed ducks. The ducks near the pond where I live will approach children constantly expecting to be fed - my son has tripped over them because they are almost chasing him, at times.

But as other posters have said, are you sure he didn't kick it? A 3 year old could easily have been impulsive, especially if a duck was approaching them looking for food.

WitchBaby · 19/08/2021 22:45

@HasselbackForLife

Also, also, also, I bet most of you eat duck at the Chinese! Unless your are vegan, I don't think you have any morals here at all

Absolutely ridiculous argument that always crops up on these threads 'you eat meat therefore you can't have an opinion about any cruelty to animals' Hmm

OP control your child and no animals will get hurt. Simple.

annacondom · 19/08/2021 22:45

It really pains me to see children running at birds. Their parents should teach them not to. This topic was on MN a few years ago and although a lot of posters said it was BU, several people seemed to think it does no harm. OP, you are making excuses.

HasselbackForLife · 19/08/2021 22:45

Pants - didn't mean to say 'quite right' to the previous post!