Are you a 'trailing spouse', moving around the world as a SAHM, while your DH does a 'big job'? Is he used to being free to work long hours, while you deal with all the domestic and child-related stuff?
That could explain but not excuse his domestic incompetence and shock at having to deal with mundane household stuff himself.
The DCs behaviour sounds like that of a toddler with a SAHM. Takes mum for granted, always delighted when Daddy comes home. He gets to be the fun one, while she does all the boring, bossy, organising stuff and is resented for doing it.
Teenagers can be selfish arseholes and often try to push their unreasonable behaviour as far as they can, to see what they can get away with. Parents need to present a united front. Also to remember that teens actually crave boundaries, to keep them feeling safe. Being allowed to get away with things they didn't think they'd be able to, that they were just trying on, can make them feel unsafe, scared and out of control.
The teens (and DH) need to be trained to function as a family, not as a collection of individuals orbiting one sun (you), pronto.
An old-fashioned paper family calendar could help. The kind with a column for each person. They are each responsible for writing their own stuff onto the calendar (you could prompt but not do it for them) - so spotting any clashes and talking to the person concerned. No-one is above writing on the calendar. You cannot have one person (your DH) using it as a reference document, while failing to add his own events. The assumption has to be that (outside standard work or school hours) if someone has not added an event to the calendar, that person is available; either at home, or out doing something casual that can easily be interrupted or re-scheduled.
You could even schedule naps, if that could work for you? Or just schedule 'afternoons off' when you're not available to anyone, so could nap, could go for a walk, meet a friend, whatever.
You might prefer to keep the calendar for the kids only, so that you don't present a false idea of equality within the household, of them being able to 'trump' your necessary activities with non-essential ones of their own. There is an amount of co-operation and mutual respect required to make this work really well. It could be a useful first step though.
The sports event incident is sooo weird. How is it possible that, at 3.45pm there weren't people setting up, other people arriving? Why couldn't your DS or DH ask anyone there what was happening? It really sounds as though they deliberately chose to come home and scream at you as a punishment for 'letting them down' by not checking, correcting and coddling them. Really nasty behaviour.
But, if your DS had had responsibility for writing his own event on the calendar, no voice notes from mummy, he'd have had to check he had the time right to start with, then written it down, then had it there to refer to on the day. If he hadn't, well that's his screw up and he deals with the consequences.