AIBU to call partner shit dad for not doing the careing side of parenting because he works?

[Sophie1029734]

So me and my partner are haveing a disagreement and we are comeing here for opinions. I think hes wrong and he thinks I am.
Our little girl is 18m.

AIBU for calling partner shit dad for not doing any of the careing side such as nappy changes, baths, changing clothes, feeds.. everything.
He thinks he isnt in the wrong for not doing those things because he works 5 days a week from 6.50am and comes back at 5.20pm.I'm a stay at home and dont contribute to food, house and Bill's. I do all the cleaning, near enough homemade meals all the time, baby has seperate meals, I literally do everything in the home and for LO.
I dont think this is an excuse for never doing any part of the careing side for her and never helping out with the house jobs, even through covid leave and parent leave. But he doesnt think its fair that I've called him a shit dad for providing.

Couples should have equal time off. If you literally do everything at home then you literally never have time off. And that doesnt seem fair. Ok in the week you're going to do the vast majority of caring tasks. But at the weekend why is it not 50 50. He doesnt get paid for working on his day off does he.

I'd also question why he doesn't want to care for his daughter. He is not going to have any sort of bond with her if he thinks giving her money and having a bit of a play is the extent of his involvement. Why become a parent if you dont want to do any of the grunt work. You may as well just be a sperm donor and pay maintenance and take them to the odd fun activity. Playing with a child and paying for them isnt parenting.

Lastly...does he know that plenty of people work full time and manage to parent when they get home as well? If he thinks he is a good dad he must think these parents are super heros

Would you be cross if he called you the same as you don’t financially provide anything for your child or yourself?

What does he think would happen if you decided to go back to work?

He looks after your daughter for 5-15 minutes at the weekend? Seriously?

I don't even know the two of you but I can feel his contempt for you through the computer screen. He sounds like a misogynistic prick who needs to realise that working for a few hours Monday to Friday doesn't give him the right to check out of the tasks that need done around the house, especially with regard to HIS child.

And the first time someone told me to clean up their piss, I'd rub their fucking face in it.

This is the piss ‘man’?

As I said on that thread he doesn’t care or respect you or your child, if he did he wouldn’t leave his bodily fluids for you or her to sit in or clean.

Bonding with DC isn’t just about playing and cuddles. Laying the relationship while they are young by caring For them is vital.

We both work, but I was on Mat for 18months and my DH has always done nappies, food, most of the baths, bed and first took DC out for the day at about 4 weeks old.

What part of 1950 did he fall out of? Send him back sharpish OP!

Well if the childcare doesn't count as you working, then it doesn't count as work for him either, so he can do a full day on the weekend can't he.

CHildcare and housework are either a breeze for you and therefore a breeze for him, or it's not. So which is it Sophie's DP?

I would love to know if there’s a planet a woman would work during the day, come home to find her meals cooked, the housework done and then felt entitled to spend the evening doing no housework or childcare other than 15 mins of playing.

There must be a planet somewhere where this happens.

Because on this one, when a woman stays at home she can expect to do everything

When she goes to work the same amount of time as the man she expects to do between half and everything. But she is never expected to do less than her husband.

Ha..
My partner has own buisness, min he done is 14hr days, max 17..he gets maybe 1 eve off a week sometimea 2, from 7pm- he puts dc to bed nd plaus with them on these 2days.

He doesnt do much at home because he works a stupid amount of hrs.
I work pt and provide all childcare and house chores.
Actually twice a week Dp takes washing to the laundrette and pays for it as its his only way to contribute to chores.
In the morning the Dc wake him and see him for maybe an hr before he goes.

Your Dp needs to get a grip.

Don’t have another child with him. Shame on him. I have 3 children, 5 and under. My husband works 12 hours night shifts. He parents more than me. Your husband is entitled, careless and useless. How can you even find a man like that attractive.

What does he offer you? What's in this deal for you? Unless his dick is solid gold studded with diamonds, I'm not seeing much. You could divorce him, and find someone who appreciated you, and then you and your daughter could have a higher quality of life (with a chunk of that terribly impressive, utterly important salary as child support, too).

My husband's not perfect, and nor am I, but he's always valued what I do, and he's always recognised that we need equal down-time. And he's always done caring tasks with the kids when home from work, just so he had that time with them. Changing nappies, bath time, feeding them supper - all of it is part of how you create that bond. It's really, really sad that he doesn't even want to, tbh. Housework, and yes, it's boring as shit - but caring for your own baby isn't. Not unless it's 24/7 and you never get a fucking break, anyway!

What a low value he places not just on your work, but on his own child, too. The life he expects you to accept and the lack of interest in his own daughter, as well as in your quality of life... just bloody sad. You are the two people he is meant to love, and whose welfare he is supposed to care about. And instead he's being selfish, lazy, entitled, and entirely disrespectful. I can't believe he thinks this is acceptable, let alone normal. It's neither.

@Pebbledashery

Shit dad seems a little harsh.. Your time off at weekends should be split and he should help out but he's not a shit dad because he works and provides. Is you being a SAHM a joint choice?

A couple months before the end of my 4th year at college he bought a house. A month after I finished studies I fell pregnant. The house needed a lot of work so 2 days before I was induced at 35w we moved out of his mums and in to the house. I was faced with the most responsibility I've had in the 2 days. I have deperonsailtion , instead of the typical ptsd symptoms I've that since I was 14. it's hard to function in working environments, college was extremely hard for me. But I'm really trying to work on it and overcome the symptoms, hopefully when LO can have free nursery hours I will be free from it in order to do a part job on those days. He wants me to work now but we would have a huge nursery bill which would probabaly outweigh any pay I'd get. and I honestly can not do the whole working environment yet. But in time working is something I want to do. I also loveing being with my little girl, I love her so much. Itd break my heart leaving her

5-15 mins at the weekend! Seriously? That’s all he can manage.

Please give serious consideration to going back to work OP, you do not want to be financially dependent on a man who has such little respect for you.

"That isn’t true though. If he wasn’t with OP he probably wouldn’t even have a child"

I'm sure he knows how children are made.

Playing with his children should be something he does because he loves them

Caring for his children & his partner is something he should be doing as a decent father & partner.

If he gets the evenings & weekends off that is fine as long as you get the exact same amount of time off from all your responsibilities in the same way as he does.
He can pay a nanny to cover the half of that time he's expecting as his downtime which he should be spending looking after his family so you get some downtime too if he doesn't want to step up & be a decent man.

@PickAChew

"That isn’t true though. If he wasn’t with OP he probably wouldn’t even have a child"

I'm sure he knows how children are made.

Point spectacularly missed. Well done.

@MyCatHatesEverybody

Well if the childcare doesn't count as you working, then it doesn't count as work for him either, so he can do a full day on the weekend can't he.

CHildcare and housework are either a breeze for you and therefore a breeze for him, or it's not. So which is it Sophie's DP?

This is a really good question.

If he's the only one who works, because your job isn't work - then it's no problem for him to come home and do it. Is it?

Im not the biggest feminist you will ever meet. I know feminists will say you are right. I wont. It seems hes maybe not that type of dad. Some dads just dont do that sort of stuff. That doesnt mean theyre bad dads. They usually arnt the type to want lots of kids either. Him providing and loving on both of you is what makes him great and I think you should treasure that. Otherwise you should go and work and share in the bills...that would force him to share in the childcare.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I read your post yesterday about how he pisses all over the toilet and floor and leaves you to clean it up.

Oh my god. He's a cunt.

He thinks so little of you he's not even embarrassed to say yes I think you should clean up my piss and not moan about it.

He holds you in contempt. No surprise he's a shit dad as he's such a shit partner and a RAGING misogynist.

Hilarious he thought people would agree with him. Thick as well as an arsehole.

This is way past selfish and well into abusive territory.

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

Yeah. I'm not surprised he utterly dismisses the opinions of all the women who've posted on here. He's a man who literally thinks women should clean up his piss. He's hardly going to pay any attention to our opinions. 🤷‍♀️

Get a full time job as soon as you're able. This man has no respect for your contribution to the family. If you are both working full time he has no excuse to do fuck all while you take care of the child all evenings and weekends.

Oh god, this SO MUCH. Don’t be financially dependant on this utterly arsehole. He’s a lazy, shit parent AND partner.

You need financial independence so you can leave when you have finally had enough of being treated like a full time maid and nanny. Think how much more pleasant your life with be without having to clean up a grown man’s piss 🤮

When I see that young fathers have such archaic attitudes, I am shocked. My DC were born in the early nineties and I was a stay at home Mum. My DH always took the view that we were a team. He went out to earn the money and I looked after the DC but the rest of the time, we shared everything up. He changed nappies, did bath time. In the morning, had them downstairs with him while he was having breakfast so I could get a few minutes to myself. Having small children around 24/7 is exhausting. Your DH only works for 8 or so hours on 5 days a week. How many hours a week do you work looking after kids and home OP. He should get his act together and pull his weight.

@Firsttimeasdmom you think a man telling you it's your job to wipe his piss from the floor, and to do so without complaint, is fine? Really?

I think women should value themselves a great deal more.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Oh he sounds really attractive. 🤢

Please don’t have another kid with this ‘man’. He’s a pig and, combined with what I’ve read about him from your other posts, he’s a cunt as well.

@Sophie1029734

Partner wants me to add in that he spends quality play time before bed and a bit before his shower. He thinks all the negativity is because I forgot to add it

I've read the updates. You are still not being unreasonable to say he's shit. He's a fucking lazy joke. No idea how you can be with someone like this. Sorry

I didnt read where he thinks she should clean his piss? Where is that part.

Does he make a mess on purpose and expect her to clean it or is it just in general he expects her to clear up the house including bathroom since hes at work?