AIBU to call partner shit dad for not doing the careing side of parenting because he works?

[Sophie1029734]

So me and my partner are haveing a disagreement and we are comeing here for opinions. I think hes wrong and he thinks I am.
Our little girl is 18m.

AIBU for calling partner shit dad for not doing any of the careing side such as nappy changes, baths, changing clothes, feeds.. everything.
He thinks he isnt in the wrong for not doing those things because he works 5 days a week from 6.50am and comes back at 5.20pm.I'm a stay at home and dont contribute to food, house and Bill's. I do all the cleaning, near enough homemade meals all the time, baby has seperate meals, I literally do everything in the home and for LO.
I dont think this is an excuse for never doing any part of the careing side for her and never helping out with the house jobs, even through covid leave and parent leave. But he doesnt think its fair that I've called him a shit dad for providing.

Why doesn’t he do bath times and while he’s in there he can clean his sodding piss off the floor.

Does he only work week days? What happens at the weekend? Sorry but he sounds lazy and takes you and what you do for granted

YANBU OP, he does sound like a shit Dad. And definitely a shit partner.
What does he do after 5:30pm and on weekends? just put his feet up whilst you run around? How can he possibly think that’s fair.

the week has 7 days.
He works 5 days in his job you work 7 days as sahm

the day has 24 hours
he works 8 - you how many?

he gets 2 days off
you?

Big fucking deal. I had a lovely time playing with a baby for about 40mins yesterday. Doesn't make me the babies parent.

If you only do the fun stuff, you are being shit.

And, IS he the pissing husband? How does he excuse that?

He is being crap.

You take care of things while he's at work.

When he's home he expects you to still take care of things because he's done his bit.
So he works 5 days a week, what? 10 odd hours a day?
It's a lot.
You work 7 days a week. 10 + hours a day. Plus any night duties.

When he's at work you take care of the child. When he's home it should be 50/50.

@Sophie1029734

Partner wants me to add in that he spends quality play time before bed and a bit before his shower. He thinks all the negativity is because I forgot to add it

Oh well that makes all the difference! A bit of play time??

Is he on glue?

Do you do all the nights and weekends?
When is your downtime??

I'd strongly suggest you get back out to work, then you'll be on a level playing field

🙄 so he plays with his kid for a few minutes a day. What does he want? A medal? Playing with your child is what you're supposed to do! As well as the dull stuff.

So there’s a couple of hours childcare required each evening. Does he do an hour of that each night?
And there’s about 12 hours required each weekend day, does he do half of that?

Given that you do the 40hr working week he should be doing AT LEAST half of the other hours.

@Sophie1029734

Partner wants me to add in that he spends quality play time before bed and a bit before his shower. He thinks all the negativity is because I forgot to add it

And what does he do at the weekend?

For pissing all over the toilet bowl and leaving you to clean it up, he’s being beyond unreasonable.

I will compare him to my DH - and come to the conclusion that yes - he’s a really shitty Dad.

Is he reading the thread?

She won't, though - he'll just expect her to do all childcare and housework and to work.

I'm taking bets on what he'll say next.

We're bitter.
We're man haters.

Your relationship will need a lot of work if it is to thrive and grow. Your resentment is palpable. You will end up having a 2nd child and will find yourself even more stuck with him than you are now.

He works at work during the day, you work at home during the day.
So evenings, nights and weekends should be split equally.

How’s your sex life, OP?

God knows I would not want to have sex with someone who pisses all over the loo, and treats me like a skivvy.

Hahhaha ! I work full time AND do all the parenting when I'm home (I'm a single parent). He's taking the piss. Literally, judging by previous comments.

Has he managed to clean up his piss yet?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4324951-Sick-of-partner-peeing-everywhere-and-not-wiping-ot-up-AIBU-to-shame-him-and-tell-his-mum

My dad worked full time in the 80’s. there were two of us DC born 17 months apart. This is an example of his dad when we were small.

6:30 out to feed and sort animals
7:00 shower
7:15 get me and DSis up and dressed
7:45 get us and himself breakfast, teeth done, faces washed, hair done, shoes and coats on
8:15 into the car to go to the childminder

5:30 pick us up from the childminder
6:00 home to my mum who has been sleeping after a night shift and made dinner for us
6:30 out to sort animals- usually with one or both of us DC in tow
7:00 depending on my mums shifts either he or she would bath us and put us to bed.

Weekends: he worked outside with us hanging out of his pockets or he took part in his hobby, again, with two small girls hanging out of his pockets. Or we visited his dad or brothers/sisters.

His *day

He works at work during the day, you work at home during the day
So evenings, nights and weekends should be split equally

This might be simple enough for him to understand?

Oh, he also managed to play with us loads too.

And before the feckless DP comes on to accuse us of being man-haters - can I counter that by saying many of us are comparing you against our own men, who put him to complete shame.

Definitely not man-haters.

Sub-standard, feckless-toilet-pissing-haters? Yes - absolutely.

Oh god, he’s not the piss guy is he.
Calling him a shit dad and telling his mum on him isn’t particularly constructive.
Maybe you should go to work and then split the parenting/house work 50/50. Or find someone who respects you.